#whenonedoorclosesanotheroneopens

A lot of things have been on my mind lately. Fears. And it’s funny because what I’m most afraid of is falling off track. I’m so damn determined to become a doctor and I don’t know why sometimes. There were 2 options on the table and I just lost the one I had and now I have no choice to rely on the second option. I’m afraid because my Plan A/B just turned to my only Plan A.

It’s scary because I trust God with so much of my life--when I feel turmoil or stress I know I’m not doing what I should be doing. But the stress I feel isn’t like when I’m studying for a test or on my path, it’s like I’m afraid of wasting my energy on something that isn’t mine. I just know that I’m not meant to waste my energy on things not meant for me, and for the most part, I’m pretty good at sensing when something isn’t right. But while my feelings are strong, it’s not always easy to make sense of it in the real world.

It’s funny because not only did I resign from my job yesterday but I also had my second interview for ucsf with the dean of admissions. It was like two dreams colliding honestly. My heart wants to be in San Fran. I’m scared and don’t know what the future holds but I trust that God knows what he’s doing. I remember the times when I would just pray to God to get me through school and take me where I needed to be. I promised him that as long as He had it in my heart to keep on this path that I would--no matter how hard. My heart still wants to go to medical school and I know that one door closing means that another one will open but at this very moment, nothing is clear to me and I’m afraid. But I have to remember all the times I was afraid before and know that everything is going to be okay because God hasn’t abandoned me and He’s not trying to hurt me, He’s trying to get me where I need to be.