#wheningensan

I'm afraid because the mind won't stop thinking about sad thoughts: of dying and of leaving everything behind even during daylight hours. This is becoming more of a habit I can't get myself away from. I'm afraid not because I don't want to, but because I feel like I'm starting to like the idea of it. It feels as if it's okay.

I don't know.

I don't really know.

I don't think I wanna know.

Life has been more of a routine these past few months and if you know me enough, I so hate routines.

I kind of lost a bunch of friends. I kind of detached myself from the world. I don't know. I don't feel like socializing anymore. I feel like I'm back to my highschool self. No friends and always selective to who I talk to.

I never liked that highschool self. It hindered my growth. It stopped me from going places. It made me live a monotonous life.

I also found out that some people were just lying when they said they said they'd never leave me. It sucks to not know how to make people stay, you know.

It sucks to watch them as they walk slowly away from me.

Everything sucks in front of me and the mind prevents me from doing anything to stop all of it.

I don't know. The future is just so blurry from where I stand, I can't even see myself in it.

yes, you can climb the highest mountain there is and still feel at your lowest

and you are allowed to cry even if you are 800 ft. above sea level because your tears won't probably go its way down

all because I do not want you to prevent yourself from the feelings you want to feel