#whatami?

She's your best friend... That's fine.

Lex : Rae! It's good to have you back!! OMG!! Party!!

Rae : (proceeds to flood her feed with pics & gifs of kidlover Myungsoo)

Lex : I REBUKE YOU!!

Have you ever been so far in the dark; no matter how hard you tried, no matter how far you reached; you still couldn't touch the light? I'm there. I'm always there. Always have been. Sometimes, I think I'm touching it, but I find out it was only an illusion. A treat for the eyes, but nothing more. The light doesn't want to touch me. I can't blame it. It doesn't need me. It has everything it needs and more. Still, I can't help but reach for it. I love it. I need it.

It's cold; out in the reaches. Cold, empty, and distant. Things take on that same state of being; saturating in what is essentially ... the void. Less like saturation; really, it is more of a bleeding. The warmth, sense of being, and connections...they all bleed off into nothingness out here. I like the bloodletting. I like the way I feel clean, and free afterword. Clears my head like nothing else can. Reminds me that I'm nothing, and I never was. I'd like to be, but it never happens, so it won't.

I wonder, what is it like to breathe? What is it like to feel? What does warmth taste like, and will I ever be anything? I am cold. I guess I am that. It's something, for now. The cold won't last forever. I'm still bloodletting, and the cold drains from me like everything else. I'm hollowing out, becoming what I was before I ever saw the light. Before I ever dreamt.

The shell around me finally broke, in the memory of that light; and I was born, but the light bringers were already gone. I hatched completely alone in the dark, chasing a memory of light. My mind bent and broken by the things I found; the things that clawed at my shell, and scarred me in my quest to be worthy of the light bringers; and I found my form hideous. Never will I be worthy to call myself one of them. Never will I shine as they do. They will fly on, in their world of beauty, heedless- and needless- of one such as I. I am never needed.

The things that marked me in darkness and want, they never really wanted me. Never actually needed me. I thought for a long time, I would hatch to be one of them, but they are not my kind, and I am not of them. There are those who passed through my perceptions, leaving me untouched. I'm not of them either. There are some who encouraged me hatch, a bit gentler; but they had their own quests, their own hatching. May hap, I will see them again some place. I saw many go into the light. I saw many hatch in the light its self. I wasn’t ever a part of the light. I can't find it anymore. That light. May be, they will find me, if there is anything left to find.

I pad on. My tails are many, my heads as well; my forms ever shifting as my many wings stretch out. I can't find my voice, any more. I miss it. I never used it as much as I should have. That might be why it left me too. I want it back, but I should just grow a new one from here. From now. I'd like it, if I could speak with the light bringers again, should I ever see them again. I'd like it to speak with the ones who encouraged me to hatch. I'd like it to sing this time.

I feel the need to sing. I don't have the voice. I don't have the control. I don't have the understanding, or the practice. I have fear. I have pain. All I do is keen. All I do is bleed. All I do is rail against this shifting form, like I railed against my shell. I feel it breaking all around me. Falling away. I am without form inside it. I am nothingness. Will any even recognize me without anything I was? Will they even care to?

I flow with the darkness. With the nothingness. Without any sense of self beyond core. Beyond being. There isn't much time left. There isn't much of me left. I'm still bleeding. Still bloodletting.

Yours' truly,           Set Aizen Kyuzo Elrich           Chaos of the Void           Simpleton