#wellyfullofale

Aaron scrubbed his hands over his face, dragging down his palms until his fingertips touched his chin and sat there like that for a moment, his gaze sweeping over the main entrance to the library. In the silence, there was little to focus on other than the twinge in his shoulder and the slight squeak of Mrs. Petersen’s oxygen tank rolling behind her as she made her way down the aisles.

The clock on the wall above his desk ticked over to 3:00 p.m. and Aaron swore he could feel the weight of each passing second weigh down on his very bones. It was a slower Sunday than usual. Sundays usually meant the church-goers from down the road would bring their children in to pass some time until their early afternoon dinners, and the elderly would stop in to read through the newspaper before making their way back home.

Sundays were meant to be the one day in Aaron’s workweek that didn’t feel like pulling teeth. The day that he was able to enjoy his job, however little that still may be. He knew he was only meant to be there for another month before Ann came back from her maternity leave and Aaron was out a job once again. The library had put out the job offer just days before Christmas, promising only three months of work, with the stipulation of working weekends.

It was a fine job, for what it was worth. It wasn’t like Aaron was a librarian, he just worked at the library. The proper librarian – an older woman named Tanya who smelled of rosemary and laughed loudly, like she really meant it – did the jobs a librarian was meant to do. She shelved the discarded books, notarized documents, taught people how to use the copy machine, and generally answered whatever questions people had.

All Aaron did was work the checkout desk, really. Sure, he’d been given odd jobs to keep himself busy. It had been his job to take down the Christmas decorations and later hang up the frilly Valentine’s Day bunting around the place. He’d also been routinely going down to the corner shop to buy candies for Tanya’s dish, and more recently sent out to buy packages of Valentine’s cards to hand out to the kids that came through. But that had really only taken two afternoons and some change out of what had now been seven weeks of monotony.

But it wasn’t all bad.

Aaron leaned back in his chair and brought his leg up to rest his knee on the desk, the space heater starting to burn his leg even though his fingertips stayed icy from the cool air. He tugged his sleeve down as far as it would go, longing for the hoodie that he’d distressed for so long it could wrap around his knuckles without much effort on his part. Instead he was wearing a nice sweater over his collared shirt, meant to make him look smart even though every pass-by of the bathroom mirror reminded him that he looked like an overgrown student, and there wasn’t much to be done about warmth.

He leaned over to switch the space heater back off when the main door slid open, the rush of wind kicking up the leaves and dirt that had gathered outside the door as the library-goer made their way through towards the new-arrivals like Aaron knew he would.

Robert.

Even as the sun sunk lower in the sky and cast a pearlescent blue glow through the windows, the sunlight battling with the yellow fluorescent lights shining down from the ceiling, Robert still managed to look like he was made of gold as he shrugged off his coat and folded it over his arm. Aaron watched him walk further through the library, taking his now familiar path before he was out of Aaron’s sight.

The shelves were low enough that when Aaron stood, he could clearly see over them, allowing him to scan the entire area in one fell swoop, but seated as he was, just the swoop of Robert’s hair was visible as he paused in front of a shelf, presumably beginning his scan through the options.

Aaron didn’t meant to stare, but he knew he had a few minutes before Robert would make his way back through the aisles.

He’d been coming in since the start of January like some sort of belated birthday gift sent from the gods straight into Aaron’s orbit. He usually came in earlier in the afternoon on Sundays, and Aaron didn’t even pretend to know that that was why he had been feeling antsy and exhausted all day. He knew he’d been waiting for Robert to come through the doors, and just seeing him now made Aaron sit up a little straighter, his chin jutting out to make himself feel important and unbothered.

As Robert started making his way to the seating area in the middle of the room, Aaron scanned his desk for something to make him look busy. He grabbed for a ream of printer paper and pushed it in front of himself, methodically taking off the packaging and crumpling it up into a ball. He stood from his desk and tossed the paper wrapper into the recycling bin, turning back just as Robert had found himself a seat.

Robert caught his eye and gave Aaron a smile, lifting his hand in a small wave as he set his to-go cup of coffee and stack of books down on the side table beside him. Aaron returned the wave, squeezing his lips together in an awkward not-quite-a-smile-but-still-seemingly-friendly gesture, rolling his eyes to himself as he sat back down.

From his desk, Aaron was able to see most of Robert’s side profile. He could watch the way Robert would slouch down in the armchair just a tad, his legs spread and chin tilted as he sipped at his coffee and started reading the first book in his pile.

That was another habit of Robert’s that Aaron had picked up on. Every week, Robert would choose a stack of books from the new arrivals section before sitting down and reading the first few pages of each book. When Aaron had questioned about it last week, Robert had told him he needed to get a feel for the book; Robert needed to see if there was any substance behind the words. There’s clichés about judging a book by its cover, and Aaron supposed it made enough sense.

The clearing of a throat behind Aaron startled him, and he looked down to realize he’d been unconsciously folding the edges of the newly-opened ream of paper. Looking behind him, Tanya just gave him a raised eyebrow, the corner of her lip turned upwards like she was teasing him, but she still managed it in a way that felt warm.

Aaron liked Tanya. She was in what he guessed to be her late 60s with dark brown skin that always made any color she wore look like it belonged to her. Never had Aaron met someone whose looks and personality could allow them to wear a mustard yellow dress one day and a bright pink and green sweater the next and still look good. Tanya had a love for Jesus and a knowing look in her eye, and she made him miss his mother. Chas was nothing like Tanya, but Tanya had that way about her, he supposed.

She smiled at him before darting her eyes quickly to where Robert sat before standing up and smoothing out her mint colored dress. “I need to head to the back room for a tick. Will you be alright to manage the hustle and bustle out here for a moment?” she teased, gesturing to the nearly empty building.

He knew what she was doing, and scratch that. Aaron loved Tanya.

“I think I’ll be fine,” Aaron answered, turning back to face the front and avoid that look in her eyes before she made her way around his desk into the employees only area.

Not ten seconds had passed before Aaron heard Robert stand from his seat. He watched as Robert slowly collected a few of the books to put on the return cart, and suddenly Aaron had an idea.

He wasn’t sure where it came from exactly, but as Robert turned away, Aaron grabbed for the basket of cheap cardboard Valentine cards and grabbed the first he could find. One of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Donatello? Leonardo? Whatever, one of them – smiled up at him as Aaron uncapped his pen and turned the card over. He hovered for a second before he saw Robert make his way back to his seat to pick up his jacket and other items.

He tossed the card to the floor and reached for the basket again. If he was really going to do this, he’d be dammed if he let it be on a card that came with a pizza-scented scratch-and-sniff sticker taped onto it.  When he had bought the cards, he had hardly been inspired. He threw in some Peppa Pig and Spider-Man cards along with some that had cats and dogs on them and had called it sorted. Now, as he sifted through cartoon characters and cats with comically large eyes, he cursed his past self.

Checking back on Robert, he saw him shrug his coat back on and once again rolled his eyes to himself before picking a card with a dog on it – a Rottweiler. Good, that’s…manly – and flipped it over, scribbling his name and phone number onto the back, following it up with two x’s just as Robert reached his desk. The counter barely reached up to Robert’s waist, making him look taller than he was, but it didn’t matter. Robert pulled around the guest chair and sat himself down in front of Aaron, just as he did the week before.

It was last week that had suddenly sparked these nerves in Aaron. He’d been attracted to Robert from the start, but that had really been the first time Aaron properly spoke to Robert in the weeks he’d been there. He knew Robert must have been a regular if the beat up library card he carried in his wallet was anything to go by, but Aaron couldn’t help but feel that Robert lingered around just for him.

Robert had come in around noon that Sunday, and Tanya had just taken off for her break. Aaron hadn’t been doing much of anything, just folding some pamphlets for the Senior Breakfast the restaurant next door was holding when Robert headed straight for Aaron’s desk, the copy of A Dangerous Crossing he’d borrowed the week before in hand.

“Afternoon,” Robert said in greeting, setting the book down on Aaron’s desk.

“Hiya,” Aaron said in return, earning a smile from Robert before Aaron shook the stars from his eyes. “Sorry, I mean, how can I help you?”

“So formal,” Robert teased. “Err, I think I may have overestimated myself last week. Turns out three books a week is a bit much. I wanted to renew this one.”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Aaron said, taking the book and scanning the barcode. “What’s this one about then?” Aaron asked as he re-printed Robert’s receipt.

“Dunno, really. Meant to be some sort of mystery, I guess,” Robert answered as he took the book back from Aaron and squinted at the wording on the back cover.

“Heh. Well, guess it really is a mystery, then,” Aaron said, and the second the words left his mouth, he could have laid down right there on the floor for the ground to swallow him up. He’d been spending too much time with his mum’s ex-boyfriend and it was making him awkward.

Robert had laughed and smiled wide when Aaron handed his receipt over. He had lingered by Aaron’s desk, and Aaron could feel the shift in the air.

Robert didn’t want to leave.

“What’s your afternoon like, then?” Aaron had asked him, and the conversation moved from there. Aaron learned that Robert typically had Sundays off from work, and that had turned into talk of hobbies, which then turned to talk of movies, and cars, and everything of the sort. At some point, Robert had pulled the guest chair over and had sat down opposite Aaron, leaning back as he talked about things that excited him and leaning just a little closer when he listened to Aaron.

Now, Robert sat in the same spot before him, apropos of nothing.

Aaron slid the Valentine onto his lap, and Robert didn’t make any sign of seeing him do so, simply handing his library card and the two books he chose over for Aaron to scan as he sighed deeply.

“Later than usual today,” Aaron noted, and Robert looked up from where he was rubbing at his temples to give Aaron a half smile.

“My brother and his wife have stopped off at mine for the weekend before going up to see mum, which means I’m chauffeuring them around every which way until Andy gets a car rented,” Robert said, sounding every bit the exhausted sibling Aaron was familiar with as Liv grew older and became more and more of a handful.  Aaron nodded along in sympathy as he ran the spine of the book along the metal strip.

“How’s your day been?” Robert asked him, straightening back up to give Aaron his attention.

He sighed, waving his hand vaguely at the rest of the building. “Mate, it’s been like this all day. Started thinkin’ my brain were melting at one point.”

Robert pulled a face in pity. “Sounds like we both could’ve used each other’s company today,” Robert said, and Aaron bit his tongue to keep himself from feeling the shock of it. Robert had said it so offhandedly, almost like he hadn’t meant to say it at all.

No.

Not that.

Almost like it was natural. As if he thought about Aaron outside these walls as much as Aaron thought about him.

“Can’t believe you read all these,” Aaron said, passing Robert’s books back over to him and definitely notchanging the subject. “Don’t even remember the last time I read a book for meself.”

“No?” Robert asked rhetorically, but Aaron still answered.

“I don’t mind newspapers and magazines, but actual books? I dunno, it’s a bit daunting.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Robert stage-whispered, leaning forward when Aaron lifted a brow. “I’m not really much of a reader myself.”

Aaron squinted at him. “What?” he asked with mild confusion.

Robert shrugged. “My mum’s always trying to get me to read more. She absolutely lives for it. You think I read a lot? My mum’s been reading a new book every few days since I was a kid. Probably longer than that, to be fair, but I can’t remember much further. So, every year come January, I tell myself I’ll read more. I try to make it a resolution, like it’s a gym membership or something. And then every year I give up about three weeks in.”

Aaron nodded slowly, his lip twitching upwards into a smirk. “We’re well into February, now,” he said, and his words carried a weight with them, drifting through the air with the breathy laugh Aaron couldn’t help.

“Well, I suppose it’s more to do with a certain librarian than the books themselves. I guess I needed something a little more persuasive,” Robert replied, his voice dropping lower and dripping with honey, making Aaron’s body feel languid and dizzying his mind. “What’re you doing after work?” Robert asked, but before Aaron could answer “nothing” – or, less helpfully – “you, preferably” – a faint buzz from Robert’s jacket interrupted him.

The moment broke as Robert shut his eyes and muttered out “sorry” as he dug his phone out of the pocket and stood to answer it. Technically, Aaron was meant to tell him that cellphones weren’t allowed inside the library, but it wasn’t like Robert was talking any louder than they had just been, and Mrs. Petersen had left ages ago, her oxygen tank squeaking along behind her.

“Hello?” Robert answered, pausing to let the other person speak. “What? You just got there…no you haven’t,” he said, the indignant tone in his voice cluing Aaron in that it must be his brother on the line. Robert leaned over Aaron’s desk a bit to check the clock on the wall before stepping back with a sigh. “Fine…yeah, alright, yeah…yes, I said alright…” Robert continued.

Tanya made her way back through to the main area, tapping her watch towards Aaron as she made her way through the aisles to give it a cursory clean. Aaron looked up to the clock and saw that it was already 3:55 p.m. He was meant to have started closing up five minutes ago. As he went to stand, the Valentine he had intended for Robert fell to the floor. With a quick look to make sure Robert was still distracted, Aaron grabbed the closest book and shoved the card inside, praying it wouldn’t fall out but not having much choice when Robert hung up his phone with a huff.

“Sorry,” Robert said apologetically, collecting his books off the desk and sealing Aaron’s fate. “I’ve kept you from your work.”

“’S alright. Everything okay?” Aaron said as he shut down his computer and forwarded the phones to voicemail.

“Yeah, it was just Andy,” Robert said as a means of explanation, and Aaron supposed it was one. “Look, I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you next Sunday, yeah? Promise I won’t be so late next time.”

Aaron nodded, the words trapped in his chest between the fear of – please, God, let him find that card – and – please, for the love of God, do not find that card – and all he could do was wave him goodbye and thud his head against the glass door as he locked it behind him.

********

It was barely past 11 a.m. and Aaron was already dozing. He had a twinge in his neck from the way he had slouched himself down on the couch, but he couldn’t be bothered to move. Wednesdays meant terrible daytime telly and absolutely nothing else. The cheap guitar riff off of Storage Wars was all he allowed himself to think about.

He definitely wasn’t obsessively checking his phone like he had been for the last couple of days.

That would just be pathetic.

The auctioneer was starting the bid when his phone buzzed from between the armrest and seat where Aaron had accidentally stuffed his phone away to stop himself from looking at it. If he moved far too quickly to grab for it, no one but himself had to know.

His heart nearly stopped when the message read from an unknown sender.

From: Unknown – 11:12 a.m. You’re not working today Sorry It’s Robert From the library

To: Robert – 11:14 a.m. Hey Yeah I’m off Tuesday/Wednesday did I not tell you?

From: Robert – 11:15 a.m. IDK if you did Otherwise I wouldn’t be…here…

To: Robert – 11:15 a.m. ?

Aaron drummed his fingers against his knee as he waited for Robert to respond. He muted the TV, the shouting argument the men had gotten into much too loud for this moment. He only had to wait a few seconds before a picture message came through.

Grabbing at his phone with both hands, he darted his eyes over the photo, turning up the brightness on his phone to get the full effect. There was Robert, stood in front of Aaron’s desk with Tanya smiling widely behind him. He wore an embarrassed grimace with his eyes squeezed shut as he held up a small stuffed dog with the words “Puppy Love” etched on the tiny heart it carried in its mouth.

It hadn’t even really registered that today was Valentine’s Day. Aaron knew his own face must have been a picture of disbelief mixed together with the hearts in his eyes that Aaron really only had for Robert. He zoomed the picture in every which way before another text came through.

From: Robert – 11:17 a.m. Aaron?

To: Robert – 11:17 a.m. Is that for me?

From: Robert – 11:17 a.m. Well it’s not for your coworker

To: Robert – 11:17 a.m. Shame Tanya would love it

From: Robert – 11:17 a.m. Well I could give it to her if you’d rather :P

To: Robert – 11:18 a.m. No way It’s mine :P :P

What felt like ages passed after Aaron had sent his message before Robert replied again.

From: Robert – 11:21 a.m. What are you doing today?

To: Robert – 11:21 a.m. Nowt You?

From: Robert – 11:21 a.m. Well I had sort of taken the day off today so that I could see you at work I got your valentine btw Obviously Because I’m texting you

To: Robert – 11:22 a.m. You took the day off to see me?

From: Robert – 11:22 a.m. And I figured I probably wasn’t reading this wrong. I mean you did give me a valentine first Yeah

To: Robert – 11:23 a.m. Do you want to meet up with me later?

From: Robert – 11:23 a.m. How much later? Not to sound desperate or anything Or maybe a bit desperate if it gets you moving quicker

To: Robert – 11:24 a.m. The café on the corner by my work in 20? It might be a bit crowded considering but if you’re not bothered

From: Robert – 11:24 a.m. See you soon :)

To: Robert – 11:24 a.m. And bring my dog with you I’m only in if it’s a package deal

From: Robert – 11:25 a.m. :P

Aaron locked his phone before pausing, unlocking it again to open the picture back up. It was early days, obviously, but everything about Robert felt right. As he looked the photo over again, noting the way the light did wonders for the freckles across his cheeks, he wanted to savor this moment.

In a few days – weeks, months, more – Aaron would know so much more to this man that made his chest feel alight with starbursts just at the thought of him. He’d know the way Robert took his coffee. He’d know if Robert just perpetually wore button-down shirts even as he lounged around his house. He’d know so much more. And right now, Robert was new. He was still sending sparks down to Aaron’s fingertips as nerves twisted his tongue and his laughter came too quickly.