for pride month I wanted to draw lesser known queer dc characters but it's been taking a mental toll on me. with the importance of this month in mind, I'm just thinking about how I will never be able to express myself in real life the way these characters do.
my parents will never accept me like lois and clark accept jon. I will never be as strong or as brave as alan scott after everything he's been through. I can never make a change or speak openly against homophobia the way carver colman does. I will never find the feeling of finally being in the right body like bia has through being reincarnated as an amazon.
arguably, it's not impossible to achieve some of that in the real world. but considering where I live and how I grew up? It's so hard to believe that there's actually people who would love me for the way I am. to treat me like another human being to befriend. maybe it's silly of me to compare real life experiences with ones in fiction, especially stupid superheroes. but I can't help but feel bitter. jealous. over fictional characters? yes, it's silly. I think I'm being dramatic.
the realest peace I'll have is in death, and even then, I don't think hell is the most peaceful of places. I pray neither it or heaven exists, and that the afterlife is just a blank canvas that I'll be painted on. but it would be nice to think I'd be let in through the pearly gates.
