#wbl musing

the way Sam just… suddenly leans in for a kiss??? and Yu turning his head and even puckering his lips???

aw, ur reaction was completely justified honeybunn~ u invest ur time & emotion in the series, it's understandable that u're disappointed if u see sth u don't like

also when u said that S1 was mature, my mind immediately thought back to the pranks that Shu Yi pulled & how Shi De blackmail Shu Yi xD 

as i mentioned before, im totally okay with the miscommunication. it's something that immediately comes to mind when they said that Shi De will be going to America.

also, ik it's an overused trope but it's a thing that really does happen in real life.

in the context of WBL, i think that it fits with the directions & characterization.

Shi De internalizes his emotions and keeps things to himself. meanwhile, Shu Yi is expressive and explosive with his emotions but he keeps things to himself when it matters. we’re literally told by Zheng Wen in Ep2 that Shu Yi likes to keep things to himself despite his aloofness.

Shu Yi shouted 「大大大大好き。世界で一番大好き。」 (dai dai dai daisuki. sekai de ichi ban daisuki.) which translate to ‘i love you’ 'i love you the most in the world’ he mcfckn confessed his love by shouting「大好き」 (daisuki) at the top of his lung for the world to hear

ik im making a big fuss about 「大好き」  but the thing is… 「大好き」 is quite a serious confession of love. you see, in japanese, they usually say 「好き」 (suki) which translates to 'like/love’. ive heard people it used a LOT… to talk about their gf/bf as well as their favorite things. the simple  「好き」 already implies romantic interest when used for people and it’s more than enough to use when confessing love. 「大好き」, on the other hand, is not as used often, especially not so early in a relationship. it translates to 'big like/love, great love’ and it’s the 'casual’ way of saying 'i love you’ ive never heard anyone use it in real life to talk about anything other than their favorite things (game, food, anime). if they ever use it with the people they love, it’s probably done in private and probably only used by committed partners that are very close and have been together for a while. 「大好き」 is THAT serious. and yet… here is Shu Yi, shouting 「大好き」at the top of his motherfckn lungs for everyone to hear until he’s fckn crying and shaking. when i first saw the scene, i was like 'might as well ask Shi De to marry you’, which is a bit of an exaggeration on my part but that’s what i felt lol

on another note… Shu Yi also wrote Shi De’s name repeatedly and wrote  「好き」and  「大好き」and 「なんで…」 (nande) which means ‘why’

give up, the one he likes is me 

don’t come any closer / you’re not allowed to go over there to him

if look could kill then Pei Shou Yi would be deaded

also, HAND! ON!! STOMACH!!!

now the world knows how much i love u

「大大大大好き ​」

u’re mine, u’ll always be mine

that wasn’t ur first kiss? who was it? tell me, tell me, tell me

meanwhile, Shi De has never really understood boundaries to begin with  (x)

now, Shu Yi is an extremely angry, extremely violent, and emotional-stunned feral stray cat, and Shi De is even more of a red flag 

it's astonishing how they managed to develop all of their worst traits over the span of 5 years without each other. their character development and emotional growth really are intertwined   (x)   (x) 

(the way Shi De frowned, jaw clenching, eyes searching for tenderness and love in Shu Yi’s face. the way he swallowed and inhaled deeply; as if readying his heart to be broken, as if readying himself to be led to the gallows; the way he asked, ‘what can i do for you to look at me again?’, so quietly, so painfully; as if he’s breaking at the seam, as if Shu Yi’s the single grain of rice that can tip his existence into happiness or agony)

the way Shu Yi lightly gulped, eyes momentarily going soft around the edges, the way he nodded like he understood

(except he didn’t)

he demanded sex because what's more dramatic, more demeaning, than desecrating Shi De's office, the one fucking thing that brought Shi De back to Taiwan? what’s more defiling than tainting Shi De’s presidency, the one thing that brought him back into Shu Yi’s life?

(all the things in this room, they were able to bring Shi De back to Taiwan but Shu Yi couldn’t)

(he is was the love of Shi De's life and yet Shi De left him and never looked back. he is was the love of Shi De's life and yet Shi De returned for a fckn job and not him. he is was the love of Shi De's and yet Shi De still dared to cheat on him and build a life without him and be happy without him. he is was the love of Shi De’s life, he loved Shi De so much, endlessly, unimaginably, and yet the vastness of his love couldn’t bring Shi De back to him)

(but this fckn office brought Shi De back to Shu Yi's doorstep)

Shu Yi put his hand on the left side of Shi De’s chest. he put his mtfckn hand on Shi De’s heart and demanded, ‘give it to me’

(as if Shi De’s heart isn’t already his, as if Shi De’s life isn’t already his)

(the fckn way Shi De convulsed when Shu Yi put his hand on him; the labored breathing, the longing, the tension, the pain of being so close but not having)

if Shi De really does love Shu Yi, he wouldn’t mind relinquishing control to Shu Yi, would he? He wouldn’t mind being subjected to Shu Yi’s mercy at his most naked, most vulnerable moment, would he? (x)

the second time Shu Yi demanded, ‘give it to me,’ his fckn hand swoop down to caress Shi De’s chest before going back up to cup the back of Shi De’s neck, possessive, always

(give me everything, trust me, surrender everything to me, not like the last time when you gave me nothing, love me, fully, unconditionally

(never leave me again)

and the way he traced Shi De’s face with his eyes first before his fingers follow; as if to make sure that what he’s seeing in front of him was actually real, as if to make sure that the Shi De in front of him was real and wasn’t just a figment of his imagination again

‘hm?’ the little mocking sound Shu Yi made and the self-deprecating smirk he put on bcs he was so certain that Shi De would never agree

(why would Shi De agree? Shu Yi is was the love of Shi De’s life but Shi De didn’t return to Taiwan for him, he returned for a fckn office)

the way Shu Yi leaned in so close he could've just kisses Shi De if he wanted to but he wouldn’t, the way his nose was so close to Shi De’s cheek, the way he could smell the sweat and grime of the day’s work, the way he could smell Shi De

(Shi De’s little smirk before agreeing, the way his frown smoothed out, the way his mouth relaxed, the way the pain in his neck and shoulders and chest fizzled out… it’s as if he was amused that this was all that Shu Yi was asking of him. he was prepared to roll a boulder up the tallest mountain and drain the endless ocean just for Shu Yi to look at his general direction again but all Shu Yi wanted from him was for him to love Shu Yi?)

(it’s no hardship, Shi De has spent his entire life loving and being devoted to Shu Yi; loving Shu Yi is no hardship, loving Shu Yi is who Shi De is; it’s his identity, his direction; loving Shu Yi is his freedom)

Shi De said, ‘okay,’ and that’s literally the moment Shu Yi's brain stops functioning

(he literally stopped blinking as soon as Shi De said okay)

Shi De said okay and Shu Yi’s eyes were searching, wavering between Shi De’s eyes, nose, lips, neck, fingers, like he didn’t know where to look

his mouth, it opened, then closed and he swallowed

he just kept on looking and looking

(he wasn’t supposed to say okay, he wasn’t supposed to say okay, he wasn’t supposed to say okay)

‘i’ll do anything,’ Shi De said and Shu Yi’s mouth twitched, quivering between a curse and a cry

(why did he leave Shu Yi, why did he make Shu Yi wait, why did he never email back, why did he never talk to Shu Yi, why was he happy without Shu Yi, why was he not there when Shu Yi needed him most, why did he make Shu Yi fall desperately and stupidly in love with him only to leave Shu Yi and never look back?)

the way Shu Yi swallowed again, the way he's speechless; he's weak and wanting and still crazily in love with the one man who emptily promised him a marriage and a loving mother-in-law

i will start w/ Shu Yi & his ‘non-existent’ reaction to the revelation bcs ive been in a similar position

a bit of bg info about me… im born & raised in a very traditional environment in SEA  in which filial piety is prized above all else from a child. i won’t generalize by saying that all asians grew up like that or that all asian have that sort of mindset but we do respect our elders a great deal. many still believe that the elders can do no wrong. and some elders genuinely believe that they know best and that whatever they do is right and their children will understand why they did what they did in the future when they’re successful. it’s stupid but it’s a thing.

ik what it's like to have to sit and listen to the people i love most tell me that the things that hurt me were done with my best interests in mind. and ik what it’s like to understand their intentions. their actions are unfair & their reasonings are illogical… it’s fckd up but they did it out of love… they did it for you and your happiness and your future. and ik what it’s like to have all of my justified anger melt away in the face of that love and still love them endlessly in return. 

abruti

dumbass

u're going to fight back

u're "somehow" in charge of the merger between ur company and his

u slapped him in front of everyone

u look at him in anger

there are tears in ur eyes

u still follow him to his office

u didn't wait for him, u didn't

u were just surprised to see him after five years

how fast, it's only been five years

u didn't wait for him

(but u kept count of the time that past since ur separation)

he says 'u & i...' and u swallow, 'u & i, what?'

u're downsizing his company because of personal reason

u still turn to him softly, look at him with fond, kind eyes, and smile even softer and sweeter

he needs to go, he has to be the first one to go

u're fine, u couldn't be better

but u're so angry and upset ur stomach hurts

u still let him into ur house

u need to know why he's here, what he's trying to do to u (is he here to break ur heart again?)

(he still knows u so well)

u push, u shove, u throw things

there's carrot in ur fridge

u invent a fake relationship to fool him (& it backfire on u, everything u do to him always backfire on u)

u're dating, it's going great, she's meeting ur dad soon

u didn't wait for him, u didn't

who does he think he is?

u're not angry with him, u hate him

(the greater the love, the greater the hate and u hate, u hate him so, so much, immensely, passionately)

u eat the dinner he made for u because u have to finish whatever he cooks

u can't even look at his face or talk to him or let him do nice things for u

he's not allowed to do nice things for u

he's the one trying to win u back but u're the one seducing him

u touch his chin, his cheek, his forehead, his hair, the back of his neck, his mouth, his chest, his belly; u touch and touch and touch

ur thumb, it lingers on his bottom lip

he says okay, he says okay, he says okay

he says okay, how do u process that?

ur eyes follow his fingers

ur eyes waver

u're looking between his eyes, his mouth, his neck; u don't know where to look

ur mouth is dry

u swallow

u're not breathing anymore

he can do anything for u

how do u process that?

he's reaching for ur buttons, what are u going to do?