#waxwingsfail

We had another wonderful headcanon elimination game on the femslash discord, this time with historical headcanons from past to future - these are the headcanons about the more or less recent past:

King Frederick I Barbarossa's death was due to some immortal intervention. (The dude was a king - of Germany and Italy? - in 1155 and led a giant army east in one of the crusades and then unceremoniously drowned in a river in Turkey. We don't know how or why it happened but about two thirds of his army deserted ... so he wasn't the most popular person around) - @jackwolfskid

The guard was involved in one of the defenestrations of prague - @waxwingsfail

Quỳnh thought she hallucinated it, but throughout her time in the ocean she actually saw many "cryptids" pass by her coffin. It isn't until Nile, Joe, Nicky and Booker are watching YouTube videos about various cryptids that Quỳnh realizes they might be real... - @insomnia-anonymous

Andromache met Anne Bonny (bisexual pirate, 1710s) and saved her from execution - @lilolilyr - 3d place in the game!

Andy invented some diving methods and marine technology in hear search for Quỳnh - @cryhardanddanceharder

Quỳnh kept a little bit of the money from everywhere they went through every change it had (Andy keeps the tradition up for her) - @waxwingsfail - 10th place in the game!

The old guard went on the expedition to Antarctica where the people ate the dogs and resorted to cannibalism yet still mostly survived - @authortrash

Andy accidentally lit the Great Chicago Fire - @authortrash

Andy was ‘Calamity Jane’ - @my-gaydar-is-on-point

The Guard was on the titanic (they had actually planned to get away from any important events for once) - @lilolilyr

The Guard is magically attracted to historical events. (Even when they just try to chill for a change, they end up in the most famous cruise ship of history (Titanic) or the coffee house they hang out in 18th century France happens to be the meeting place of the soon to be revolution leaders. "Fuck this is just another historical event" or some variation of the phrase has been said on multiple occasions.) Insert meme "if I had a nickle for each time I accidentally attended or messed with a historical event I had x nickels which is not a lot but it's weird it happened x times) - @jackwolfskid

Andy was a blacksmith for a time, and got quite well known in the area for both her skill and her strange companions - @mythologeekwriter

Andy learned to blacksmith (so none of her family would ever be without their favoured weapon) - @waxwingsfail

Post-canon headcanons

Andy, Nile, Quỳnh play roller derby - @lilolilyrae – 10th place in the game!

Roller Derby: In order to keep their cover, Andy and Quỳnh have to fake injuries. The rest of the guard sit in the audience and hold up number signs to rate their acting - @jackwolfskid – 4th place in the game!

Quỳnh gets really into fashion from the eras she missed and will wear some of them to the grocery store - @thatmartiangirl

One of Andy and Quỳnh’s favourite activities together is to compare the maps of the world that they came up with, in their heads or otherwise, to newer maps created today and mark the changes and mock the inaccuracies in modern maps. - @shatterthefragments

Andy is a really skilled sword swallower and Continues to do it while mortal despite everyone's anxiety about it - @waxwingsfail

Nile learns to juggle with swords and torches - @lilolilyrae

Andy and Quỳnh like inventing and confusing history facts just to tease Nile about them - @cryhardanddanceharder – 7th place in the game!

Quỳnh is an avid watcher of vine compilations and her favourite is the ‘road work’ one - @al-kaysani

Nile is a good cook but will sometimes come up with the most atrocious food combos like pickles and honey (she always offers to share but she’ll rarely get takers) - @al-kaysani

Quỳnh re-learns to swim and lose her fear of drowning using water wings - @lilolilyrae

Andy and Quỳnh make Nile believe Andy had a pet saber-toothed cat and other extinct animals - @thirst-teenth

Nile uses the old weapons the guard has hoarded for cosplay - @cinnamonplums

Nile teaches Quỳnh and Andy modern dance moves. Quỳnh is very good. Andy is not. – @mythologeekwriter

Nile likes hiding behind doors to scare the older immortals when they pass by - @cryhardanddanceharder

While travelling as an immortal, Nile keeps a blog where she rates public bathroom, service station, road rest area, etc... she uses on her travels. She has a complex rating system and hundreds of fans that follow her. She's very proud of that blog - @salzundhonig

Nile gets Quỳnh on board with the idea to actually start a band and then they convince the others - @daniwouldnever – 8th place in the game!

the TOG band won Eurovision - @lilolilyrae

the immortals went to Eurovision on a mission and won despite trying not to so they wouldn’t get so much attention - @lilolilyrae – 6th place in the game!

Nile somehow gets a safe house in Antarctica where she goes to spend time with penguins to relax - @daniwouldnever

Quỳnh loves hot air balloons and hang gliders cause she gets to be totally free in the sky unlike planes - @waxwingsfail

Quỳnh once dyed her hair different neon colours - @lilolilyrae

Nile has secret social media accounts like tumblr without personal info on them so she won't have to delete them when she switches legal ID... but Copley and/or Booker usually find them sooner or later and make her delete - @lilolilyrae

Andy has a social media account dedicated to her adventures rescuing animals generally large dangerous ones. Most of her followers are lesbians and bisexuals simping for the muscular caring beanpole - @waxwingsfail

Feel free to use the headcanons (with credit!) as fic/art prompts!

Canon compliant headcanons

Andy secretly has the world longest free dive record (without dying!) and regularly holds self contests with the boys cheering her on - @shatterthefragments

Andy invented writing because she couldn’t be bothered to remember all that stuff in her head anymore - @shatterthefragments

At the end of each century, the guard each makes a prediction for the next one. Whoever is closest wins. - @thatmartiangirl – 3. place in the game!

Andy and Quỳnh decide on who chooses their next dates with bets - @waxwingsfail – 1st place in the game!

Throughout history the immortals have invented and improved a lot of different safety gear by sometimes deadly trial and error - @jackwolfskid

Andy used to have a mullet - @lilolilyr

Quỳnh's superpower is making everything look good on her, even the most ridiculous fashion trends throughout history - @jackwolfskid

Andy absolutely ran a baking school at one point to maximize the amount of good bakeries she could go to - @shatterthefragments

Andy likes sleeping on trees and have wake up falling of them many times - @cryhardanddanceharder

Andy once said that the closest she ever got to the thrill of battle at home was slamming six +4 cards during a heated game of uno. she has not been invited to play uno in over two decades. - @al-kaysani

Nile is really into anime - @cinnamonplums

Andy has a soccer mom alter ego that she uses to blend in with civilians and while undercover - @cinnamonplums

In her free time Andy works as a stuntwoman (sadly, Charlize Theron fired her, because they didn't look alike) - @daniwouldnever

Andy off and on works as a jockey - @waxwingsfail

Andy can fall asleep on command - @waxwingsfail

None of the members of the Guard can pronounce all words in the English Chaos Poem correctly - @lilolilyrae

There are a lot of crazy ancient myths & stories that are based on actual things the immortals have done - @jackwolfskid – 5th place in the game!

Feel free to use the headcanons - with credit of course! - as fic/art prompt or ideas for other fan content!

thank you! <3

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

nope! i have a disease called i must finish everything i read and write because what if it gets better hgsdjghjfdhg i haven't continued yet a collection of Agatha Christie stories in french because well, it's in french so this will be slow. but i will keep reading it so it's not the same

1. How many books did you read this year?

pat 💜 i am so glad to know i make no sense that's what i aim for

spicy mayo yeah!!!!

She's literally a diplomats child and canonically addiction to caffeine like every IB student.

Oh so true. It’s the manic energy and perfectionism.

Thanks! This blog started as a joke with my friend and now I am committed to sharing the vibes and inflicting psychic damage.