Dont read if you haven’t finished we are totally normal
So i read we are totally normal after i saw you post the first few pages and can i just
Is nandan asexual? I think that was made pretty clear tbh but i also kinda wish he used that label? And i hate that it ended right at that part with him and dave, with no further discussion. I know you dont neeed a label to be who you are but it would be nice to see that in a character.
Also i know you were comparing the characters to nico and percy and it was sooo interesting to read it through that lens
I finished it anon, lmao, I have a tendency to speed read books!
I'll say this to start off, I don't think the book evolved in the way Nico, Percy, and Jason's relationship was/would be, just some aspects of those first few pages, and the jokey nature in some ways. Nandan's desperation for attention kind of reminds me of Nico idolizing Percy- but I think in truth now that I have finished the book, the stories are very different even if they carry some similar tones.
I'm going to try to be as objective as possible, but the truth of the matter is this book for me was a deeply personal and very subjective thing. I had also pondered if Nandan was asexual, but the weird thing to me was that he arrived to the conclusion when discussing it with Mari that "it all just felt like words". So perhaps not? Perhaps so. Who can say? The bisexual and asexual community used to overlap a lot, before words for asexual really existed, asexual people were sort of assumed to be bi without preference. There's a history there between those two communities, it's a very strong bond even if forgotten.
The aspect of not labeling Nandan's feelings or sexuality is intentional, and as much as I dislike the lack of closure. I understand that's the point.
I found the book because I was looking for reads about internalized homophobia, and I don't know if that's what Nandan is working through- maybe, but he's sort of just sitting through societies view of him, trying to figure out what box he fits it- where he belongs. Maybe that's all internalized homophobia is, introspection, self questioning- I'm not sure.
This book is deeply personal- that constant back and forth "what do I feel?". Somedays queer is too big of a word, it means too many things, it's complicated and hard and it just doesn't feel right. Those days you wish for a smaller word, there's so many labels and if you find a community that's more tight knit and you'll relate to those experiences more and maybe you'll find yourself. But for me at least, it never works. Other days any word more specific than queer feels too strong, too much, too restrictive- it feels like a lie, whether or not it is. Because on those days all you can rationalize in your head is "I know I'm not cis/straight but what am I?" and it pulls up that unavoidable question Nanden keeps asking "Who am I?"
The reason it ends without Nanden having a label, is simply because there is no answer. I know everyone wants that neat little box, that more specific word, that more close knit community, but I don't know if some people ever get that. I don't think that more specific concept ever reaches some people, and you can see up until the last few paragraphs of the book how much it tears Nanden up inside, how much it hurts. You feel like an outsider even in yourself. His disassociation from his actions is probably got something to do with "if I am present for this I have to bring back up those questions".
Maybe he's asexual, maybe he's bi, pan or poly, maybe he is just straight and Dave is just this one time thing, maybe he's gay, or maybe he's just queer. He's Nandan.
I don't understand the book because I find myself in the midst of many of the same questions Nandan is. I cannot quote those specific feelings for with the exception of him being a follower, almost everything he says is something I have wanted to say at some point- or at least I have thought it. How can I communicate my feelings and thoughts on a piece of literature when that piece of literature is my thoughts and my struggles?
I won't pretend to understand something I don't, but I wonder is want is the same as interest? And I don't have an answer for that or for who Nadan is.
