If everyone on the crew were modern day internet influencers, what sort of content would they be making?

sorry this took 5 approximate forevers! (if y’all ever see my executive dysfunctioning no you don’t)

tysm for the ask! 💕

mal: handy diy hacks and tutorials for a variety of topics. because why the fuck is he gonna pay for anything he can do himself. he will teach you how to build a bookshelf and jumpstart or hotwire a car and paint your ceiling and pasteurize your own milk you can DO IT he BELIEVES IN U. really resents that he has to take ad deals for this to be a viable venture for him.

zoe: struggled with zoe so bad i’m so sorry zoe my love. i think what i’m landing on is athletics/physical challenge videos? it starts as a form of therapy exercise but she gets kinda big online? lots of rockclimbing and hiking and soccer and trying out those “impossible workout routines”. she likes showing people modifications they can do. her comment section is heavily moderated and she is NOT afraid to turn the option off bc it’s a privilege.

wash: based on my longstanding headcanon of wash as a music guy, music reviewer type! has an impressive vinyl collection. known for listening to ever kind if music that exists and his lasting love for weird al. has collaborations with the most RANDOM people.

inara: a little bit of beauty and a little bit of wellness, i think? makeup and perfume and lotion but also candles and tea. has a side channel where she does daily yoga vlogging. has this very elusive allure where people are so utterly enamored by her that they feel very personally attached even though she never says ANYTHING about her personal life!

jayne: guns. gun safety. aim training. antique guns. latest model reviews. would y’all be mad if i said i think he is well-known in the conservative-online community

book: cooking channel! he makes his favorite recipes and tries new things that people suggest and recounts stories from his travels, occasionally getting into spirituality mode. very known for being the kind of content that’s nice/comforting to fall asleep to.

simon: this man does not know work-life balance. medicine. debunking medical myths and general public education. some of those “real doctor reacts to [xyz]” videos. does a lot of sponsorship research and refuses to promote anything that makes unsubstantiated health claims. gets in into some internet beef over it with another influencer.

river: cryptic 4+ hour video essays where she never ever shows her face but they’re known for her voice captivating people. about just about anything you can name though mythology, literature, art, philosophy, and theoretical physics and its relationship to, well, everything are all common threads.

oh god, i think i really only have one? and it's probably pretty vanilla but here you go:

shepherd book was a high-ranking military official in the alliance during the unification war. he was there at the battle of serenity valley, and because of all the carnage and death, was wracked with guilt and decided to retire (after receiving a medal for his leadership) to lead a life of atonement through god's forgiveness and spreading the good word. he "saw the light," so to speak.

book: theology! seems obvious but like… yeah! people have a preconceived notion (because he’s fairly open about his own religion) that he’s going to primarily to focus on christianity with Maybe little nods to other faiths but he is actually very well-rounded and explores a Lot of different faiths in-depth. a very kindly man generally speaking, wakes students up after class and asks if they’re okay. so people don’t expect it when he can absolutely tear into some asshole who’s being prejudiced and cruel with that same friendly smile and somehow never crossing any potential boundaries. has office hours in which his favorite students come in and have philosophical debates with him. he adores this and serves them tea.

inara: art history! idk why i think this other than maybe the scene where she and mal talk about the mona lisa and just like. vibes. she is well-versed in many different schools and movements of art, but the baroque period is her biggest area of study. and every other semester, she also teaches an elective in calligraphy. bc she does do calligraphy in canon! idk why i love that sm but i do. she is perfectly polite and cordial to her students and welcomes any questions they have with grace but they know almost nothing about Her or her personal life. which is how she likes it. somehow word breaks out that she is, in fact, a quite notable artist herself. everyone’s a little intimidated until she snaps at them for it.

kaylee: something in mechanical engineering?? but that’s like a whole degree hm… probably some intro course in that degree, though occasionally her students have a hard time understanding because there’s some stuff she just Gets intrinsically but doesn’t always know how to explain. tends to take a very hands-on approach and encourages all of her students to Learn By Doing, to mixed results. somehow knows Everyone’s name and Everyone on campus seems to know her too. if her students ever talk about their car problems in front of her she’s like “you’re gonna pay WHAT for that” and then fixes it herself instead. they do not get that much say in the matter and the only thing they have to pay for is if a new part is needed so… win?

simon: gross anatomy and physiology. obviously something medical/for pre-med students and these made a lot of sense to me since trauma surgery (i mean all surgery and medicine obviously but as a specialty it) requires a really basic foundational understanding of the human body and its processes. i think he is a really big believed in establishing that you know the basics really really well before ANYTHING else. i also think he finds anatomy a tinyyy bit boring (important! but he likes explaining the Processes, the Why and How - “suffocation’s not exactly the most dignified way to go. the human body will — “) and so he says fine to teaching anatomy but only if they let him teach physiology too. everyone knows he’s going to be head of the department once the current head retires. in the meantime, gets mistaken by his students for a ta at first. basically every semester. and his peers like to rag him for being a Baby. (yes some of them are jealous that the Baby zipped through med school and his residency before deciding to teach, and is way way way more published than any of them). also the guy who has like three caffeine sources on him. how much of a hardass he is depends entirely on how much he thinks his students are trying. some students are scared of him. but he tutors a lot outside of class if asked and is really patient with students who are putting in the effort but struggling for one reason or another, and good at helping students figure out what path would actually suit them in a blunt-but-compassionate way.

mal: history! i think some intro courses because i think mr. “half of history’s hiding the truth” (and he’s right!) really believes in, again, teaching the foundational aspects of Knowing Your History but also the kind of things that tend to get swept under the rug. he comes off grumbly and sarcastic with his students and threatens to fail them for the most minor bs but they pick up on the fact that he’s a big ole softie really quickly and bully him for it (affectionately!) constantly. you actually have to be trying really hard to fail his class. someone definitely gives him a “world’s okayest professor” mug. Will square up with a bigoted asshole in class and narrowly avoid getting fired. he does Not have book’s restraint. (book hears about this and tries to teach him. it doesn’t go great.) sure does seem to hang around in the building where most of the pre-med classes happen… hey are he and the anatomy and physiology professor friends i thought they hated each other? hey why do they both have hickies who said that

zoe: civics? ngl i struggled. maybe seems at odds with her Independence soldier thing but. i think she is someone who understands that in order to dismantle and/or be aware of the government’s bs you have to know how it works. and i think she would lean hard not into “here’s what you have to do to be a Good Citizen and the Most Law Abiding Person Ever” but “here are the Civil Responsibilities you have To Each Other.” very very well-known to not take late work and has a glare some students can be a little intimated by. but actual class is a lot of discussion and activities students like and she finds a way to make it fun and interesting. also known as the professor to go to if you’re trying to get an on-campus job you need a letter of recommendation from a professor for (not how it works everywhere or for every job on campus but! in my experience it does for some of them) because she Gets It and if she can speak to your work ethic she will. everyone foes eventually figure out she’s besties with softie history professor, which (along w letter writing) does bring down her intimidating street cred a Little.

jayne: really really struggled with jayne. i do agree with @homosexual--mothman that a trade school would probably work better for him but i have a whole university thing going here so uhhh. intro to animal tracking is what i came up with. he is good with guns and i think is implied to have hunted? and one of the skills mal sees in him aside from that IS tracking — “found you easy enough” “yeah you did didn’t you?” i rest my case. anyway. does NOT want to be there have the time but these kids ARE gonna learn safety protocols bc it he ever runs into them out in the woods he does NOT wanna have to deal with trying to help them lmao. i think 50/50 on whether students love him or hate him — because he’s crass and inappropriate, which some students find funny and some don’t, and because he doesn’t care about latework and is kinda lax about the actual schoolwork, which sometimes students like and some don’t. does actually have lot of a good practical information. regularly scene arguing with the physiology and anatomy professor bc they ACTUALLY hate each other. no one can tell whether he and river (see below) are friends or not.

wash: flight safety and flight training in the aviation program! doesn’t like lecturing but knows the safety part is important. teaches best (and thinks students learn best) by first observing him and then having them get actual practical experience. BELOVED by students though some think his jokes are a little overrated. (wash i’m so sorry.) is really good at making things fun and engaging and being patient with any panicking students without assuming that doesn’t mean they can’t get the hang of it eventually. also! zoe doesn’t talk about her personal life at all in class. but wash does not shut tf about her. most think it’s cute! the ones in both classes only find it a little awkward. he and kaylee grab lunch a lot bc their schedules line up and buildings are pretty close.

ty for the ask!! i couldn’t decide how silly to be but i landed on pretty silly. i am sorta thinking about this as like… what people would have said when they were in school, nit necessarily what the other crewmembers would say

mal: most likely to steal a spaceship. not buy! steal.

zoe: most likely to Be Right. just, like, about all of it

wash: most likely to come closest in their class to getting kicked out of flight school without actually getting kicked out

jayne: most likely to start a brawl he makes everyone else’s problem and leave before its over

inara: most likely to have just, like, so many candles. the best collection ever.

shepherd book: depends on the point in his life but for our purposes… most likely to just randomly have new skills you didn’t know he had but go off king??

simon: most likely to have a panic attack in the process of succeeding, which he will also do. probably.

river: most likely to stay the most cryptic shit ever. 50/50 chance on whether it’s wise/relevant or not.

edit: THANK you for pointing out i was forgetting kaylee literally how could i do this to my girl.

LOVE this ask tysm!

a preface i do want to make on this is that (to my understanding) flower symbolismcan vary a lot based on the place, and things like the color of a flower can affect a lot too. (i only really picked a specific color if i felt pretty strongly about it though, for the most part.) there are also a lot of overlapping themes that they can and do share sometimes / so this is part symbolism, part vibes and what the flowers looks like, and all ultimately picking out what i like most for each character lmao.

book: blue bells! they are associated with humility, gratitude, and purity, which feels like it checks out - book's spirituality to me is very defined by his willingness to be humble.

kaylee: it's very hard for me to see kaylee as anything but a daisy to be honest - a yellow daisies in partiuclar. yellow daisies are commonly associated with joy, friendship, and optimism. that just feels too perfect for kaylee tbh

inara: i have two ideas for inara because she seems like she could be a good candidate for rose, ultimately i think i think orchids suit her better. associated with sex and beauty, but also mystery. very known as being graceful and standing out but also having a little bit of a shadowed side.

river: she was has hard but i think ultimately violets? violets are a little tricky because they in particular seem to have a lot of variety in interpretation. which can symbolize healing, dreams, and intuition. which feels like it works great for river. (they can also symbolize sapphic love but shh)

simon: blue hyacinths! these symbolize sincerity, devotion, and regret. one website i referenced in particular notes them as being a great symbol to let someone know you'll stick by them through hard times. enough said tbh.

wash: landed on carnation - known to stand for love, fascination, and distinction. i like how Into Things wash seems (like his dinosaurs!) and maybe it's just the shirts but i do feel he stands out a little lmao. and love ofc <3 NOT a yellow carnation, though - i have no particular ideas about what color he would be but in victorian times yellow carnations represented disappointment. so no. maybe red?

zoe: a gladiolus flower! symbolizing strength, perseverance, and remembrance. strength and perserverence obviously check out, especially given her history in the war. tbh, no matter how sad wash's death in the film makes me, i can't seem to stop associating zoe with like, both remembrance/honoring a loved one and having to move forward anyway. something something zoe meaning 'life'. (also a fun fact that the name gladiolus comes from the latin word gladius, meaning sword. bc they look kinda like swords.) not sure about color - would maybe go purple.

mal: (why did i love the hardest two last) (there is no flower to symoblize 'secret softie') okay, i'm going dandelion - often dismissed as just a weed lmao, but notably can grow, very determinedly, in many places. associated with hope, strength, and transformation. not totally sold on this one tbh, but i don’t hate it. and i mean this as such a compliment fyi. i love dandelions!

jayne: black dahlia - in literature and music in particular, there’s an association with pain, crime, and betrayal. dahlias in general though also seem to be associated with the capacity for change. (they’re also a little misnamed because i think it’s usually actually dark purple or dark red.)

ayy fun!

weirdly these are both kinda wha i feel represents them best and what they’d order. it doesn’t always line up that way but hey!

mal: old-fashioned. simple syrup, water, bitters, bourbon, garnish. (this isn’t a dig at him ((… unless?))

inara: french 75! (gin, freshly squeezed lemon juice,simple syrup, champagne, lemon peel garnish. (fancy)

kaylee: strawberry daiquiri. (ofc!) rum, lime juice, strawberries, simple syrup. (this should mostly taste like a fruit smoothie in her ideal reality)

wash: sex on the beach (“maybe a naked beach?” this is basically canon) peach schnapps, orange juice, pineapple juice, vodka, cranberry juice, fruit garnishes.

simon: negroni. acquired taste (just like him!… i don’t like this but it’s okay i still love him) gin, campari, sweet vermouth, orange peel garnish

zoe: paloma! tequlia, freshly squeezed lime juice, fresh grapefruit juice, grapefruit soda, pinch of salt, lime wheel garnish. (good balance of sweet with a little bite)

book: sangria. (yum!) there are diff ways of doing this but. red wine, brandy, orange juice, brown sugar, chopped apples and oranges. (easy to like! unless you don’t, which is also fair.)

jayne: michaelada (lager, worcestershire sauce, tobasco or soy sauce) (why)

GETS ON MY SIMON & BOOK SOAPBOX.

i think something about this dynamic is sooo utterly subtly fascinating and while it's not the Focused relationship dynamic for either of them, they do get a really few interesting moments! we often credit (rightly!) wash with being the main defender of the 'hey let's maybe not kill the tam siblings squad' but book was also on that squad! there's also that really lovely scene where simon holds the flashlight for book while he reads over the dead in bushwhacked and i go back on forth on what i think about simon and religion, but asside from personal feelings i think he has a lot of respect for it as a cultural practice and mainly does it because he knows it's something book cares about and simon also is a big believer in not desecrating dead bodies, per the film, whether it's religious or just out of respect for them as people, so i think hearing book say "how we treat our dead is what makes us different than those who did the killing."

and simon clearly has a lot of trust in and respect for him!!! because it's implied he calms down considerably when book tells him to do what mal says at the end of the episode, is okay leaving river in his care in jaynestown, calls for his help when he sees more men coming war stories, and is utterly shocked when jubal early insinuates book is anything but a kindly shepherd (which is a bit silly bc war stories, but book has been a very good friend to the tam siblings and simon is great at compartmentalization and lying to himself lmao.)

for book's part, i do think he thinks highly of simon as particularly noted in the train job when he talks about simon being brave for it. there's also an element to it though where i think book feels (probably bc he doesn't have any defined role on the ship) like it's sort of his job to try to guide the crew morally etc with whatever they might be struggling with. i find it fascinating that he's the one who encourages (in the deleted scene) simon to look more into the history of 'serenity' and get the lay of the land. more broadly, he kind of functions as a moral compass (or at least a moral mirror) back to both jayne and mal and i think that was possibly a direction they were going with simon as well eventually? i wrote a long-ass post at one point about how book is doing some of his own philosophical probing at simon at the start of war stories in part in response to the events of ariel - he seems to express a little disapproval for simon's heisting lol? it's funny because obviously that's what they do on this ship, but the difference is that SIMON hasn't really been very involved with the crime side of things until now, and there are different measures of what he would consider moral slipping for different crew members based on what he knows there are own values are. he's known simon to be someone to care about propriety and be (y'know, other than his whole fugitive thing, which was circumstancial lol) relatively law-abiding. seeing simon get more involved in that side of things i think worries book a little, both as someone familiar with the realities of that world and violence where it can lead, and as a moral consience for the ship. and this only gets extended in the dead or alive script (shhh it's canon in my heart) where he's the one who finds simon post possibly morally ambiguous choice and simon seems a little ashamed later? like in some ways firefly is about simon tam getting corrupted lmao. and i think book is worried about it.

this post. LMAO. simon would have been B by season 3, s4 at the latest, i know and perceive this. (it’s a little bit of imperfect parallel bc kaylee is not pining Quietly/suppressing Anything, but she is Pining and i also think probably would have taken a step back for a while.)

okay to add onto that before more specific saylee headcanons:

(this got long hence the cut)