#warring era

Sakura woke in the morning several days later, feeling sunlight on her face and something stiff next to her scalp. She reached up and felt a thin braid plaited into the side of her head down the entire length. Her hair had grown in the three and a half years since Sakura first came to the other world. It used to be cut to her shoulders, but now it was long enough to reach her waist. It grew so much when she was sleeping.

Sakura sat up and a handful of old flowers fell away, having lost their place in her nest of hair. She ran her fingers through the strands and felt more catch in her hand.

“Izuna.”

Sakura looked off to the side to see one of the nursing mothers push back the door to the room and change out a bucket of water that had been left on the night table. The older woman grinned and nodded to the flowers left on the floor.

“That boy comes almost every morning now to check in on you like he thought we were lying to him when we said you were fine and so much sleeping was normal. Poor kid, I’m sure he was looking forward to being here when you woke up.”

“This was all from Izuna?” Sakura asked, voice light and airy. She felt out of place, like she was still filling up her body.

“Not just him, but the other two boys from the Senju clan would come in and check too. Izuna would always leave once Kawarama and Itame showed up. He was polite about it, but he’s still not ready to be kind to the other boys.” The woman set the water containers aside and approached Sakura’s bedside. “How are you feeling today, Sakura san?”

“Distant, I don’t…know. I’m a bit groggy right now.”

‘Wrong-you feel wrong.’

“You’ve been sleeping nearly a week.”  

“That’s one of my longer sleeps,” Sakura hadn’t slept that long in a while. Usually if she went for an extended slumber it was three of four days, rarely more than five.

Sakura held up her hand and looked at the palm where a long slit rested in it’s closed position. She flexed her fingers and the eye didn’t shift until she willed it to. It came open with a snap that was immediate and dizzying. The other eye followed soon after and she felt them grow darker in color, from empty silver to a darker lavender.

Inhaling sharply Sakura closed both eyes and fell back into her covers, too groggy to get out of bed so soon. She felt for the braid at the side of her head and pet it back while listening to Miko work in the background.

“How is your child, Miko?” Sakura asked, not moving but turning her head.

Sakura offered a hand, palm up and the old woman paused in what she was doing to approach. Sakura poured warm green chakra into the woman’s swollen tummy and found the life force happy to respond.

“He’s so lively today,” Sakura quipped in surprise, not expecting the eager greeting.

“He’s been kicking a lot more.”

“That’s a good sign, he sounds healthy in there. You’re going to have a healthy young son in a couple of months, maybe less.”

“We would be so happy to have a son, but I wouldn’t be disappointed if it was a girl.”

Sakura chuckled, dropping her hand back to the bed. “Girl or boy, I could see the baby by feeling with my chakra and there’s a tiny penis in there. Take it as you will.” Sakura didn’t want to get into the details of gender and sexual identity in a period where most people didn’t believe in equal rights of the sexes, much less-

Sakura sat up coughing and something wet came up, staining the covers red as she hacked up the bloody mucus. Miko was rushing over with a cloth that Sakura pressed to her mouth. It grew red around her lips and she felt it turn heavy in her hand. She was hacking up the old parts of her, the parts she replaced.

‘It hurts to be a god.’

Sakura glared at the wall, pretending it was the voice in her head.

“Are you alright, Sakura san? You’re hacking up blood.” Miko sounded worried and was looking at the blood stains with wide eyes.

“No, it’s not a bad thing, it’s good that I got this out. It looks terrible but this is…this is what needed to happen. My body has healed.” Sakura waved her hand and coughed once more, this time without the blood. “This is old.”

“Then I’d best help clean you up. We’ll need to wash these sheets and I dare say your teeth look like they took to a bleeding pomegranate or two.” The older woman huffed in agitation and started to pull the sheets away.

Sakura wanted to stay in bed a bit longer, but she couldn’t watch the swelled woman work when her baby was only two months away, so Sakura rose to help. Together the pair pulled the sheets out and Sakura carried them to the stream that fed into the one where she had first met Izuna. This branch of it ran through her garden and was easier to wash at. Sakura took over once they arrived and set to scrubbing her sheets clean with the raw soap in the river. Her hands felt chapped by the time she was done and it was no longer early morning, but the sun was still climbing.

Sakura went back to change in her room and dress for work. On her bed there were discarded flowers she had left behind from whenever the boys dressed her hair. There were still a few flowers stuck in the strands, but most were on the bed or on the floor.

Sakura watched herself in the mirror, checking to see all her movement was in place, and her range wasn’t diminished from the attack. There wasn’t even a scar, but when she turned into the light just right, a patch of thin skin was shiner than the rest. It looked healthier than the rest of her skin, if she was being honest with herself.

There was something deep in her gut that made her frown though, and it wasn’t something she could see. She felt off, less groggy and more unbalanced with the rest of the word. Something was off.

The sun was peaking in the sky and Sakura could hear people in her garden preparing for lunch.

‘Funny, no one’s visited me today.’  Sakura pretended she wasn’t disappointed.

Outside, plenty of people were running around. Sakura frowned, catching the arm of an older sentry that worked alongside Aoi. “Chito, why are people so fluttery today?”

“You don’t think it’s just cause you woke up?” the older man laughed, scratching the back of his head.

Sakura smiled but crossed her arms over her chest and waited.

“Ah, sorry miss. The other sentries caught movement. It looks like the Senju clan and the Uchiha clan are finished with talks and they’re going to either engage or leave the valley.”

Sakura swallowed, feeling the throat dry. “When?”

Chito shrugged. “Maybe today, maybe tomorrow.”

“Do you know what the verdict is? What do the others think?” Peace or War?

“You can watch for yourself.” He pointed to where Aoi perched at the edge of the garden’s innermost illusions. “Or ask the man himself.”

Sakura thanked Chito and made her way over to where Aoi stood, listening to his birds and watching the images they fed straight into his brain. He seemed highly absorbed in what he was doing so she waited.

A moment later he blinked and looked away from the hedges to notice her waiting at his side. “You’re awake. The ladies were tittering about it so I should have expected as much. No child to spirit away today?”

“What did you see?” Sakura asked, tone strong enough to let him know she wasn’t in the mood to tease just yet. Her eyes were wide, searching for signs of war.

“Not today. They’re preparing though. I thought it was to pack up and move at first, but it’s the other kind of preparing they’re doing. Tomorrow morning, first light and you’ll be sure to see some bloodshed.”

Sakura thought it was funny how they weren't going to strike like a knife in the dark, the way ninja were famous for, before remembering the era. Maybe there would be a few attacks in the night, but the morning would bring the bloodshed into the light and make a show out of it. Armor never saw so much use as in the warring era.

“Are you going to get the children?”

Sakura looked up in surprise. “What?”

“Are you going to extract those kids? They’re all, even the little ones, going out tomorrow.”

If only she could.

Itame and Kawarama both died young. It was Izuna’s fate to die under the sword of Tobirama. That’s how history told it and didn’t she hear somewhere how dangerous it was to alter history? War was made out of killing. It was too much to have all of them survive when not even Naruto could make it.

‘But this isn’t your history and it’s not even your world. There’s nothing for you to alter.’

“Where is the disputed lands?” Sakura asked after a moment, shutting her eyes like it would help her brace for the answer. War will war rip open a wound on our ugly world.

“You’re going there?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Sakura sighed, shaking her head. She didn’t feel right about going in and making herself known to prevent things that had already happened in her own history. She didn’t feel right about the voice in her head or the eyes in her hand. She didn’t feel right about how close she had already grown with these kids after loosing her family. She didn’t feel right about most things.

Aoi nodded, looking past her shoulder and pointing. “Maybe hold off on that, you got a visitor.”

Sakura turned and saw little Kawarama at the edge, holding something in his arms and looking lost. He peered around and stiffened when he saw her, but then the smile took over her face and he started running towards her, loosing flowers from his arms as he went.

Sakura bent down and braced as he impacted with her, dropping all his flowers to hug her. Sakura held him so easily to her chest and though to herself how she’d miss it when he died. Her arms would be empty once more.

“Kawarama.” Sakura whispered his name into his hair.

“You’re awake! I knew the flowers would work. Itame said these were not sleeping flowers, so I thought they might help you wake up.” He pulled away and grinned. “I was right.”

“What are you wearing, Kawarama?” Sakura asked.

She pulled away even more and looked down at the armor. It was so small and fit too well. How did they even make armor that small? He was a child. He wasn’t even old enough to graduate from the academy.

“Don’t I look great? I’m going to help dad tomorrow. He’s finally letting me. Itame has some too, but he’s fought before, so mine is the shinier plate.” He pointed to the gleaming parts and beamed in pride. He was finally good enough to be useful to his father.

“You’re going to fight,” Sakura sighed, feeling dread bite her heart.

“Yeah!”

Sakura grabbed his hands and pressed them together between her own two hands. She kissed his folded fingers and screwed her eyes as she concentrated on the prayer. She prayed for his safety, she prayed he wouldn’t be noticed, she prayed he would be safe, she prayed he would live. He was one of her silver lights.

“Sakura chan?”

“I don’t want you to ever be hurt. I wish I could stop you, or protect you.” She looked up and managed a sad smile.

“You’re not a warrior, Sakura chan! You’re a fairy doctor, just like the healers in my clan except you’re not old with wrinkles or boring smelling.”

Sakura gasped a laugh at the last phrase. “How does someone become boring smelling?” she asked.

“You know, they smell like boring stuff. Dusty!”

“Kawarama,” Sakura chuckled, amazed by his childlike way of viewing the world. “I don’t want to let you go.”

“You have to, my dad needs me. My brothers need me, too!” He pulled away to reach down and pick up a new flower. “But I’ll come back when I’m done and you can talk to me then.”

“You have to!” Sakura felt her words trip and choke in her throat when she tried to tell him, ‘don’t die.’ It was such a strange thing to have to say to a boy only just turned seven years old. “I’ll be so lonely without you to visit me.”

“I’ll bring my brothers next time. Itame said he wanted to learn more about healing and I think even Hashirama-nii wanted to come. He got so angry with Tobi-nii after he heard what happened. They fight a lot but this time Tobi-nii was sorry.”

“I’m not angry about anything that happened. I want to see you and your brother soon, so come back safe.”

“Ah, but if I get a cut, will you heal it? I think I might get a little hurt even though I’ll be with Itame. He said I had to say with him in the corner.”

“Stay with him, then.”

Kawarama pouted cutely and then nodded.

“I wish you didn’t have to fight at all,” Sakura added.

“I have to help my family. I have to.”

‘Because that’s how the story goes.’

Sakura swallowed when she heard the voice in her head again. The words were almost a song, the way they echoed in pitch. It was getting harder to tell if it was inner Sakura or the mood goddess singing in her head.

Sakura stood up and offered the younger boy her hand. “Come on, I’ll walk you back home. You need to have a good dinner and a good sleep tonight. Don’t stay up and don’t wander.”

“All the way? Are you going to meet my dad?” Kawarama’s eyes seemed to go wide at the idea.

“Maybe, but not today. I don’t think it’s a good idea if he knew about me so soon. You remember there are some bad, not true, rumors about me he might have heard. I don’t want him to be scared like Tobirama was.”

Kawarama nodded, taking her hand and walking casually out of the garden along her side. “Yeah, that’s a good point. He’s a lot like Tobirama. Neither of them ever want to smile. They say it’s cause they miss mom, but they should just find a new person if they’re lonely, like how I found you.”

Sakura wanted to rip her heart out, it hurt too much. Like it or not, she had altered this world and was a part of it now. It might not be her history, but Sakura had a feeling in her gut she knew what tomorrow would bring. The world wasn’t meant for too much happiness.