#wallrider

Yuri: Umm, excuse me, Master Hand?

Master Hand: Ah, Yuri! How was the Horror Protagonist Meetup?

Yuri: Oh, it was great! Lots of stories about unbridled horrors, mental trauma, some of them are coming here, and the cake was amazing!

Master Hand: ...What was that?

Yuri: The cake was amazing. 

Master Hand: What did you say about them coming here?!

Yuri: Hey, some of these people are really traumatized, and I think spending some time in a more friendly environment would be good for them!

Master Hand: "FRIENDLY environment?!" Have you met the people here?! This place is already a boiling pot of issues!

Yuri: It worked for me, that's all I'm saying.

Master Hand: (groans) Fine, but if they bring any of their monsters with them, I'm kicking them back to the nightmare world they came from.

__________

(meanwhile, Meggy is laying on a couch in a therapist's office, Dr. Maruki taking notes)

Meggy: And that's why I think my competitiveness dates back to my childhood...

Dr. Maruki: Interesting... (before he can elaborate, they're interrupted by a knock at the door) Hmm? Who's there? I'm in the middle of a session.

(the door creaks open. Meekly peeking into the opening is a tall, blonde-haired man in a green army jacket. He looks back and forth at Meggy and Dr. Maruki with a confused expression)

???: Uhh... I'm sorry, I think I have the wrong day. I thought I was supposed to have a session at this time.

Dr. Maruki: (flipping through his notebook) Ah, yes, Mr. Sunderland. Yes, you're scheduled for this time tomorrow. 

James: Oh... sorry, I always get the dates wrong on these things.

Dr. Maruki: It says here you're booked for couple's therapy. Will your spouse be joining us?

James: Uh... no, that's a mistake. My wife's deceased.

Dr. Maruki: Oh, I'm sorry. I'll be sure to have that changed before your appointment tomorrow. 

James: Okay. Sorry to interrupt. (he glances at Meggy briefly before shutting the door)

Dr. Maruki: Well, that was interesting. Now, where were we? (Meggy is now sitting up on the couch, eyeing the spot where James was suspiciously) Is there a problem?

Meggy: There's something off about that guy, Doc...

Dr. Maruki: There's "something off" about all my patients, Meggy. That's why they're getting therapy.

___________

(meanwhile, Snake is peacefully enjoying a beer in the Mansion's lounge when he's interrupted by a deep voice coming from behind him)

???: Holy shit, I thought you were dead.

(Snake turns and sees a gigantic, muscular man in a black trenchcoat. He grins and stands up to greet the man)

Snake: As I live and breathe, Chris Redfield. You look like hell.

Chris: Hey, you try fighting through a village of zombie werewolves some time. Besides, I still look better than you did in your last game, Old Snake.

Snake: Yeah, well, turns out multiverse time-screwery does wonders for an old man. You should try it some time. Or is the boulder-punching enough exercise for you?

(they both sit down at Snake's table)

Chris: God, I'm never gonna escape that meme, aren't I?

Snake: Hey, speaking of memes, the kids around here have been showing me some weird ones about you. Something called... "Chrisposting"?

Chris: (groans) Goddammit...

Snake: I didn't even think you liked Leon, and yet you're trying to force him to be your brother-in-law?

Chris: Claire's a grown woman, she can go out with whoever she wants, and I have better things to do with my time than violently enforce one specific ship.

Snake: What, like finding you're own ways to "continue the Redfield bloodline"? Or did Jill shoot your ass down?

Chris: (chuckles) Fuck you, David. And Jill and I are doing great.

Snake: …You know, they were making some of those same jokes about Ethan before he... you know. How're you doing with that?

Chris: (sigh) Doing better these days. But every time I look at Rose, I can't help but think about how I could've handled that whole mess better.

Snake: I get it. I used to get the same way looking at Sunny. Still, I think Ethan would appreciate what you're doing.

Chris: I hope so. (he grabs a bottle and holds it up) To Ethan.

Snake: To Ethan.

(they toast, and then proceed to drink their drinks in silence)

___________

(meanwhile, sitting in a random bar on the other side of town is a reporter in a brown jacket, nervously tapping on a notebook. He appears to be missing some of his fingers)

Miles Upshur: Okay... okay, so you're saying that this whole place here... is just tons and tons of... multiverse video game people? 

(the Mii bartender in front of him nods. A voice inside the reporter's head pipes up)

The Walrider: (annoyed) And he's been saying it for hours!

Miles: Alright... so, tell me again... there was this island full of robots, that got blown up. (the Mii bartender nods and crosses his heart in respect) Okay... and there's also a very angry... heroic giant ape.

Mii Bartender: Donkey Kong.

Miles: …a monkey... named "Donkey Kong".

Walrider: Yeah, and you thought "Walrider" was a shit name!

Miles: (under his breath) Yeah, cause it is. (normal volume, to the bartender) Now, tell me again, about these two eldritch ghost things that like fighting each other. Cause I tell you what man, these evil spirits, they don't spend their time fighting each other...

Walrider: Miles! Don't you start!

Miles: ...no, no, no. Cause they don't care about fighting each other, you know what they do like? TEARING PEOPLE APART! That's what they do, alright?

Mii Bartender: ...Buddy, they destroyed the multiverse. Fifteen hundred people lost their bodies, and had to live as spirits for weeks.

Miles: … fifteen... hundred? (the bartender nods, annoyed) That's a lot of people. Maybe... maybe I should go to this... Mansion, talk to these... Smashers.

(he's interrupted when Master Hand appears out of a portal behind him)

Master Hand: Oh, hell no! We have enough eldritch beings running around, you're going home! (he snaps his fingers and disappears)

Miles: What the fuck?

Walrider: What's happening?! (Miles starts slowly vanishing) NO! No, we just got here! NOT AGAIN! (Miles vanishes entirely)