#wackles

thinking too of will, who has always been liked as a boy, charming and polite and so carefully, meticulously likable, but who's had to fight for respect as a hockey player from his earliest days because he was always too soft, too pretty, too slick; because he didn't play the right way. berated by his youth coaches despite being the top scorer, snubbed for the hobey finalists despite centering the most dominant line in college hockey, flogged by fans and scouts alike for a single mistake despite playing the best hockey around.

you need to be proud.

you need to be proud.

you need to be proud.

you need to be proud.

Aiden moans and slumps down onto the kitchen counter, crossing his arms and burying his face in them. “We’ve been over this, Mack,” he mumbles into the granite. He lifts his head and looks at Mack in exasperation. “You know he has to drop bread crumbs here and there so you guys can stay on the DL. That’s the only reason he’s doing all the stuff on Instagram. He doesn’t want her.”

Mack is mollified for all of three seconds. Then he bites his lip and stares at the wall behind Aiden, like that particular patch of plaster might hold the secrets of the universe.

“But what if he decides that being with her would be easier?”

Aiden props his head up on one hand and resigns himself to the fact his quiet breakfast alone is over. He loves Mack, he does. But the kid’s really gotta work on his insecurity issues.

“What are you even talking about?”

“Like…what if he realizes being with a girl would be easier?” Mack whispers. “What if being with me is too much? He could have it so much easier. What if she likes him back and hits him up and he decides this isn’t worth it? That I’m not worth it?”

Mack’s gaze drops to the tile at his feet, and Aiden’s stomach sinks when he realizes Mack’s eyes are wet. Just barely, but enough.

And just like that, Aiden gets it. It’s not really about Tate at all.

Aiden slides off his barstool and walks around the kitchen island to put an arm around Mack’s shoulder and pull him close. Mack is tense, too stressed to relax into the touch.

“He knows what he’s getting himself into. What you’re both getting yourselves into. I know it sucks—well, no, actually, I don’t. I know I’ll never truly get how hard it is. I’m sorry you guys have to hide. But if anyone can make it work, it’s you two.”

“You think so?” Mack asks in a small voice.

“Yeah, I do,” Aiden responds easily. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s totally in love with you, man. Like, to a sickening degree.”

“‘Kay,” Mack says, pulling away slowly. “Thanks. Sorry I’m a little crazy about it.”

“It’s okay.” Aiden claps Mack on the back lightly. “And for the record, I guarantee you Will thinks your body is a million times better than Tate’s.”

That gets a small smile out of Mack.

Then his brow furrows and he says, “Do you think he thinks she’s prettier, though?”

Aiden drops his hand, glares at his brother, and declares, “Therapy. You need therapy.”

they're smoking weed in back of will's red pickup truck in the parking lot of some gas station in the middle of nowhere because will got them lost again.

they're making out in shitty motel rooms with weird stains on the bed. later that night, will sneaks out while mack's asleep to the nearby church. the floor of the confessional box digs into his knees.

thinking of when mack called will “not the brightest” and will didn’t even get mad too busy doubling over laughing just shaking his head in disbelief. and we all thought will was just soooooo down bad. biggest simp to ever simp. embarrassing, actually. for him

funniest chara note to me is that mack didn’t start following jumbo joe’s wife on insta until last week, despite living with the thorntons for TWO YEARS

it's both, i think. leno is, at his core, a believer. like will, he wants badly to be part of something bigger than himself. except where will wants a cause bc he yearns for greatness, leno needs a calling bc he craves congregation. what leno wants more than anything is to be one of the boys, and in order to justify that to himself he needs the team to constitute a higher calling than just leno's own pathetic pathological need to belong somewhere. which means that when will left, it was a fundamental betrayal of not just leno himself, personally, which would've been bad enough, but also of leno's entire belief system. leno is hurt that will chose to leave leno, but he can't even begin to comprehend that will would choose to leave their team.

and maybe he could have forgiven will for this, eventually, if will had resented celebrini for forcing will to leave. if will hadn't made it so clear that it was his choice to pick celebrini over his old team. bc will kept trying, that first year, and so did leno—late night facetimes and scattered texts, will confessing in hushed tones that he didn't know if it was all going to be okay after all, i'm not doing too hot lenny, i know warso wants to send me down if i don't start scoring and i'm worried maybe grier's gonna let him, what if this is all i can do, what if what if what if, and all the while the ghost of celebrini haunting every word out of will's mouth and another hundred that never escape from behind his teeth but that leno hears anyway, because the worst part of it all is that he still knows will like the back of his own hand, like the curve of his own stick; can still map out will's fear and anxiety and love, as easy and familiar as tracking a play on ice, perreault to smith to leonard—and they score!, which means he knows that will isn't sleeping well without gabe and leno alternating in his bed, that will is haunted by the fear that maybe he was never anything without leno and gabe after all, that will thinks celebrini is so good it makes will look even worse by comparison. that none of it matters because will loves celebrini anyway. that, even now, he would make the same choice to leave all over again.

and maybe that's why leno decides to blow up his oldest, truest mainstay by doing the one thing he knows will can never truly forgive; by spilling will's confidences and betraying will's trust; by exposing will's soft underbelly to the unforgiving eyes of the world. because for all the reasons will has to resent celebrini, to compete with him, he's soft with the kid instead, in a way he never was with leno, not even when they were children before the program turned them into men. and leno— leno hadn't even known that was something he could ask for. he’d thought their perpetual competition was what will had wanted: two twin blades, forever honing each other's edges. why hadn’t will said he wanted the soft parts, too? why hadn't will given leno a chance?