#voiidgf

omg ily tay

1. What would you name your future daughter?i really like the name eva but idk. idk if i wanna have kids and if i do i would adopt.

28. What is something you currently want right now?to be healthy omg ive been home sick all week. i went to school one day and then came home and took a 4 hour nap

30. How is your heart lately?very not good, but getting better? maybe? its functioning against all odds so i guess thats something. im understanding my mental illness a lot more which i think helps.

44. Have you hugged someone within the last week?oh i hugged so many lovely people at speech on saturday i lost track. it was wonderful

49. Have you ever been to New York?no ugghhh someone take me

i don’t know when i started associating people with things

or why

and i’m not always sure it’s a good thing.

people can get stuck with nice things or bad things or

completely arbitrary things but you

remind me of cotton candy pink sunsets and

your eyes make me think of the blue of a texas sky at about

4:35 pm when you can see the moon in the sunshine-y atmosphere.

if we’re still doing this - whatever it is, tentative friendship on my part, 

i’m not sure what on yours - 

remind me of this in july and i’ll send you a photograph of the moon 

surrounded by perfect blue on the day i turn seventeen.

you make me want to create a playlist to listen to at not quite midnight

as we drive through the not-the-hill-country behind my house until

we get to the gravel clearing and walk up the slope to where we can

watch the stars bleed into the city lights and talk about nothing or

everything i don’t mind as long as we’re there

and i know it’s impossible because we live a thousand miles apart but

it’s still nice to think about.

you remind me of bad days - not because you are one -

but because i know you have them, and i wish i could help,

and because you make mine better.

and you bring back memories of when i went to the space station

- the one in alabama, with the movie theater -

and watched in quiet wonder as i saw images of 

galaxies we could never have imagined.

you make me think of the pastel m&ms in clear boxes 

at the lolli & pops by my house because, like them, 

you are sweet and pale and the idea makes me smile.

you remind me of the butterflies at my old house, 

fluttering in the giant yellow butterfly bush,

that i used to chase after pretending i had wings.

you remind of me of the abandoned house

down the street from the home before that

with the fallen down tree and the huge blue hydrangea bush.

most of all, you remind me of this poem, i guess,

but … better.

a collection of abstractly nice things

because try as i might i can’t every really explain why 

i smile when i see you, and hurt when you feel down,