#voidwalkerghost

This after she confronts Bucky. Bucky becomes distant, I guess he is still processing the whole deal and he can’t really understand how it is so easy for them to just accept they share John in a way that it’s convenient but also super complicated to explain to others ( I feel John has this issue too but John is so used to be judged by now that he is ignoring that voice in his head that tells him he’s like a whore for sleeping with more than one, but they are not having that conversation yet! They will get there eventually, I need to think more of it).

One would’ve believed that after all he’s seen, this would be the less weird thing to explain but human relations are so complex and after Ava tells him she loves John, he wonders if he loves him too. He cares for him, for sure, he learned to understand where he’s coming from and empathize with his decisions and mistakes; but now he has Ava telling him somehow she and Bob came with an understanding of their relationship with John and they are okay with that, he wonders how he fits in the equation.

In the confrontation Ava also says:

“You are being cruel with your uncertainty. You must have known from the moment you meet him he worships the path you walk on. He cares for you, I know you care for him.”

Followed with:

“Break his heart if you must but make a decision soon”

That sounds like an ultimatum. Ava, coming in terms with his feelings for John, becomes protective of him.

And Bucky feels like shit after that confrontation.

He knows John looks after him despite everything, it made him uncomfortable at first. How eager John seeks his approval, his recognition. At first he thought it had to do with the title of being named Captain America, meaning he was worthy of it if Bucky said something to him, like a direct approval from Steve himself perhaps; but then John lost the little, John lost everything but his desire to be recognized by Bucky. He wondered if it was for the idolization of his name, sometimes Bucky didn’t feel like the man they all idolize and deep down he hates John might see him as something he doesn’t feel like he is.

He wonders if he loves John, never really thought of it if he’s honest. Now he sees his mistake. He knew love, he wasn't unfamiliar with it; he felt it for Steve for many years, he still does when he thinks of him, and later, he felt it for Sam.

Ava is right, he cares for John but, love?

He’s not there — yet.

Will he ever be?

He feels like a jerk, realizing now his mistake. Lust overtook all his rationality. He should’ve known what it meant to indulge John, to not set boundaries, to get involved in the first place.

If Ava and Bob already came to terms with his feelings for John, and John feels the way about them, then there’s no place for him there.

And if Ava feels the need to confront him, it only means his actions have affected John.

He knows there’s an uncomfortable talk he must have with John sooner than later, and he knows he’s breaking his heart.

He hates that he could’ve prevented it.

Wbk Bucky has no romantic feelings for John (yet?). Like I said, it’s complicated. This has potential for angst. The way I see it John has a crush on Bucky, Bucky isn’t there yet. The uncomfortable talk happens and John’s heart is broken but he LIES saying it’s not a big deal, he has no feelings for Bucky (more lies) and Bucky trusts John is being honest (a big mistake, buddy) so they kinda continue sleeping together. He isn’t comfortable joining Ava and Bob anymore when they plan something for John and John can hide his feelings for Bucky as long as Ava and Bob don’t ask many question or don’t see him Bucky fucking him silly. 

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