#viawrites

Being with a man older than you was something. It was good- don't get it wrong. It felt- safe, warm, loving. You were in this..relationship- you would say?

And that was none other than Frank Iero.

A single guitar and multiple meet ups - with a ton of questions - in the same music shop that you have been working at - you slowly ended up in his arms, like you were meant to be there. A piece of a puzzle that was missing. Both of you are consenting adults. You guys knew what you were doing, You guys knew your boundaries with each other and for yourselves.

But, there wasn't an official title between you both.

Being with him was being with the sun everyday. It never damped you at all, it always something new with him. You felt like you didn't deserve it but Frank always reminded you.

That was weeks ago however, right now - you are just confused on what happened. From kisses on your skin to make you giggle while being on his bed, now he just faces his back towards you as it was time to sleep. From holding hands in public or his eyes finding you in every crowded room - they just stopped. Instead, he pulls away once you guys walked into a room, like your touch burned. Like he didn't want to be around you..

You didn't know what to do.

You were just- stuck. Who could you even turn too about this? Your friends? They can help but to a certain extend. Let's not even talk about family, they weren't happy when they found out about your relationship - if you could even call it that - with Frank. You were sitting in your own apartment, a gruelling day at work, all you wanted was him. The only source of light was your phone in the dark room as you looked at the messages you sent him today. None of them read but delivered.

"Hi love! Hope you have taken your coffee for the day! I'm heading to work! I love you!"

"My supervisor asked me to stock up a lot of things today :(( I'm exhausted, wish you were here. I miss you!"

"I tried to play the riff you taught me! I think I'm getting there! Slowly but surely! Come back here soon!! I wanna learn more!"

"Frank? You haven't read any of my messages, is everything okay?"

"Sorry this will be my last message, I'm just worried, love. Please..whenever you can, reply to me."

Rubbing your eyes a little, you laid back down on your bed, overthinking and just nit-picking everything to figure out where it went wrong. What even happened.

Was it you?

Did you something?

Curling up on your cold bed, you fell asleep, wondering if Frank was okay.

It was a snowball affect, Frank would say.

Meeting you at the shop for the first time, it was truly something special for him. You were the cutest thing his eyes has laid upon. You knew music, god- you were a beast in the knowledge of it all but when to playing an instrument, you didn't know much about it. When you first mentioned that to him, he gave a low chuckle and then promptly saying that he doesn't mind teaching you. You were in disbelief when he said he could help you.

At first you swiftly disagreed- talking about how he has better things to do, he's in a band, blah blah blah. Frank's eyes were on you as you rambled a little about he could be 'doing something better.' or whatever you said. However, he is a stubborn man. So he came back the next day, his guitar in hand, waiting till it was break time for you. Since then, you guys slowly got closer and closer till you were each other lives.

However he was scared to seal it completely. Just in fear.

He didn't know when he slowly started pulling away- well he does, he just doesn't want to say it out loud. To make it permanent. To make it true. He felt his phone buzz for the whole day. Your messages coming through, fuck- he wanted to apologise for being distant. For being silent. He wanted to know how you were, he was just a pussy.

Frank doesn't really know when all this feeling happened. It just did- just realising how young you were, how much of your lingo or what you did at your age. He didn't know anything. He was lost, unsure.

Insecure.

And because of one single conversation that made him this way.

A few weeks ago before everything went down . He was in his home studio with some of his own friends. Strumming on his guitar while he pondered in thought. A few days ago, he brought you out for a small little date. Seeing you dressed up and clinging by his side really made his heart pound with love and joy. You were talking about stuff that he didn't understand but he was listening and asked questions about it. You eagerly replied, telling him so much about your interests- he couldn't help but to lean down to press a kiss against your lips.

After that day, you would message about him about more facts about your likes. He loved them- don't get him wrong. Just, it reminds him of his age. How he fears like he couldn't keep up. Hell, some of his tattoos are older than you.

The insecurity just bloomed. He's older, so he felt a bit of ashame to tell you this as well.

"Hey man, you thinking about your sweet thing now?"

One of his friends spoke up, giving him a small smirk.

Frank let out a soft laugh before speaking. "I am, but not like that. Just..confused I guess."

His friend's smirk slowly disappeared, he straighten his back up on the chair.

"Come on, let's talk about it."

"Well, just - you know the age gap we have. I mean, you all do. Both of us are old enough to choose what we want and don't want. These days I feel like, I'm not enough. I'm older and I'm afraid that I can't keep up with them. Y'know? Sometimes when they talk about what they like, or the things they went through - I couldn't really see myself in that or help out. It's so different. We go through the same thing sometimes but it's different."

His friend nodded at his words before speaking up.

"Maybe you gotta step back and think if you want this. Just, maybe seeing other woman your age? I can help you with that."

This is where everything started to crash and burn.

You adjusted your sweater for the cold weather you were about to step out to from the warmth of your apartment. You looked back down to the paper bag you were holding, a few baked goods you bought after your shift today for Frank. Maybe this could cheer him up a little? You weren't sure anymore but you wanted to try to work things out.

Heading that didn't help calm your nerves. If anything, you had this itching feeling that something is bound to happen. It was going to be bad too. You didn't know why, you blamed it on your overthinking of many things- thinking about the worse possible thing or maybe it was just a possible gut feel that you were trying not to agree with.

Soon you were outside his home. The lights were on, which wasn't that surprising but what was is the different voices behind the door. Is there something they were celebrating? Maybe you forgot? Maybe he wanted you to rest so he didn't tell you about it?

You walked around the house a little, to see if you can maybe take a peek? Strange but - you didn't feel like knocking and just cutting off something fun. There was a window that you could see into, it shows a bit of the living room where majority of the people were. You hid a little as your eyes flickered before landing on him.

Why was he..

His lips pressed onto another woman's cheek.

A woman who was similar to him in age. She smiled at him before pressing a quick peck on his lips and pulled away from him, heading to the kitchen.

Frank was smiling.

What?

Your heart sank, there was this heavy crushing feeling within you.

What the fuck?

Your breathing laboured as you looked away, turning as you let your feet move on it's own. You didn't know where you were going but as long as it wasn't his home.

Were you just..nothing to him?

Does he know her before meeting you?

You didn't know what to do.

Is this why he didn't want to be in a relationship with you? Because he was already a taken man?

this is longer, way more longer than I expected it to be. I hope you like it so far! idk why, I have been having headaches for almost a week straight. im..worried. kind of.

also, thank you for 50 followers..im forever grateful :3!! ily ily ily ily!!

take care of yourselves guys. ilysm. stay hydrated my little aliens and ill see you on the next one. 🤍✨️

You loved art ever since you were little. You remembered how you got into it- you remembered how the colours brought you in, to learn more about the work. How colours can have certain effect on a person's mood and how the artwork is meant to be portrayed. How art can be a voice to the masses or for one self.

It makes you think, it makes you just wonder.

Art was your everything- well art is your everything. So you made art your life , because without it you were practically nothing truly. SO as you grew older - you were strict with yourself. You practiced and practiced till you found a style that you just were happy with. It wasn't a full hundred percent but it was still something. The fun thing about art is that it could be on any surface - it could be on wood, paper, metal, clothes.

And even on skin.

Tattoos.

God tattoos were god sent. One of your favourites if you were being honest with yourself. Seeing the tattoo gun working on a person's skin to the artist themselves making the work come to life on a canvas you can't make a mistake on. Everything about it was incredible.

At the same time, you didn't know much skin a person can find to tattoo on.

Till you saw him.

It was an impromptu meet up with your friend. They said they wanted to get a new tattoo and you just love seeing it happen - you decided to just tag along. You were leaning over, taking some photos for your friend as they were getting tatted.

And he walked in.

Your eyes immediately run down his body- he was just wearing some shorts and simple black tee. All his tattoos on full display. He looks like a colouring book and that was something that made you feel interested to know more. Many people have mentioned that their tattoos mean something to them. Is that what it was with him too? You couldn't tell.

But you really wanted to know more.

However, you didn't go up to him and ask, you were too nervous- what if you mess your words, or that you don't understand certain terms about the meaning of his tattoos? You didn't go up to him but you would always take some sneak peaks whenever you can.

Half way through your friend's tattoo, you felt a presence behind you. It was him.

"That looks sick dude." He said to the tattoo artist, looking at the detailed piece on your friend's arm. You couldn't help but take this opportunity to look at his tattoo's up close. The tattoo artist paused for a moment and spoke to the guy that you now know as 'Frank'.

As the tattoo artist was done talking to him. Frank's eyes flickered towards you as you subtly looked at the inked skin. "So, you want to know more about them?" He asked towards you, giving you a small smirk. "You can ask, take a picture if you want too. it would last longer."

Since then the both of you got closer.

It has been over a year since that day.

You moved in with him, the space was shared. A place for you to do your art and a space for him to do his music. The home was always filled with colours and sound- you would make his album covers or design his merch and in return he would make songs for you; or just let you listen to his music first.

It was just- a never ending place of creativity.

"Babe, I have an idea." Frank looks at you with that particular smug look on his face, moving to sit beside you on the couch. You were just watching a show on the television as he pressed a kiss against your cheek.

"Mm? I'm listening, what is the idea?" You responded, turning to face him, your fingers moving to find his hand, tracings the ink on his skin- a habit you picked up while being with him.

"Design a tattoo for me."

"What?"

"Design a tattoo for me, love. You are- the most creative person I have ever known to walk on this earth. A tattoo by you would be my prized possession." You take in his words for a second, you eyes drifted down to see if there is any space on his body to fit another.

"Sweetheart, would there even be a spot for you to add anymore? Plus I- what do I even draw, I would need to size- I would need to think how detailed it is- fuck do you want colour but wait it would be even more expensive no? What if you don't like it?" All you could ask was questions, it was just a tattoo but it meant something to the both of you.

He just let's out a small low chuckle, pressing a quick kiss to your lips to shut you up. "I don't care about all that- I just want a tattoo from my person. As long as it is from you, that is enough for me. I won't force you sweet thing, if you don't want to make one then that's fine. I can get a tattoo that represents you on me. It's your call." Frank looks at you, waiting patiently for a reply.

It was nerve wreaking to say the least. "Even if it takes me years?" You joked. "Even if it takes you years." He replied with a smile on his face.

"Just want people to know the mark you left on me. I just want a piece of you on me wherever I go." That made you melt, you cupped his face and pressed a few kisses on his face.

"Give me a week to design something? Is that okay?"

"Perfect, sweetheart. I can't wait to see what my baby has in store for me."

"All done, how do you feel Frank?"

Frank looks down at the tattoo on the back of his hand, the tattoo you designed for him, a smile blossomed on his lips. He felt giddy, like a teen boy who has a crush on a girl in class.

"I feel great man, thanks. Fuck, I'm so excited to get more tattoos with her artworks."

While you were working at your art studio in your shared home, you received a notification.

There he was, showing his hand with your design, right smack of your tagged handle.

The caption being.

"My artist, my love designed this tattoo for me. Now I carry I piece of them everywhere I go."

i feel like this is so ooc, but this was fun to write. i love tattoos i do wanna get more but, im asian so, yknow how moms are.

anyways, thank you for reading this! i love you so much, take care, stay hydrated and ill see you on the next one <3

A sigh escapes your lips as you look over your table, another scribble on it by Frank Iero himself. You didn't know why he was even doing this to you, you told him many many times before to stop and just leave you alone. Well he doesn't know the English language- thank god after lunch was English lessons. Your eyes looked around the room to find him, it didn't take long. At the back of the classroom - with his group of friends - there he was. His feet crossed, on top of the table as he spoke to Illi. You didn't know where Ray and Mikey were but it wasn't your business.

To be fair, you didn't know when this even started. You guys grew up together, been there for a while- but with your interests and such. He would usually ignore you and just leave you to hang out with the others.

Now he just assumes he could just waltz into your life once more and you weren't going to make easy at all.

The words were on the table, in black ink - probably one of his markers he carries around and drawn on god knows what and where in the school.

"You look so beautiful yst with that hairstyle, wear it for me tmr, please?"

Oh how sweet. Using please now.

You moved to sit down in your seat. Digging into your bag, you found your pencil case and gout out a erasable marker and wrote down.

"Nope <3 Also stop writing on the table. It isn't romantic."

You couldn't help but to let out a quick smile on your lips you placed the marker back, before your teacher walked into class to start first period.

The following day, you were at your locker. A small yawn escaped your lips as you put in your code. Upon opening the locker- a piece of paper falls out from it. How weird and frankly quite corny. You picked it up, it was just a yellow post-it note and on it is the very same handwriting you have come to know - and maybe love.

"You didn't want me to write on your table. So I'm writing it and putting it in your locker- like those guys in rom-com movies you like. Romantic now?"

You rolled your eyes at his note. What a fucking dick. You took the note and shoved it into your pocket- grabbing what you needed from your locker, closing it and left.

From then on it just keeps happening almost every single day.

"Hey pretty, I made a song for you, come listen at Illi's place."

"I scared someone yst, was in her locker till she opened it- she shouldn't have made fun of your keychain - it's cute like you."

"help me with science :(("

"beautiful, look at my way for a moment in class, i miss u."

"reply me back.."

The notes just kept coming - little scribbles in your everyday life.

But you still didn't bother to reply back to him.

One part of you finds this to be sweet, while the other part is still trying to push him away.

And from the looks of it, you know what you were leaning into.

Frank was pissed, he was trying to make things work again but you aren't seeing it, even if you do- you aren't replying back. What is he doing wrong? He is making amends and you aren't doing anything about it.

Today was going to be different.

Instead of a note in your locker, he was standing there, with a post-it note in his hand. You were surprised to see him there, he smiled at your confused expression, god he was eating everything up at this point.

Because it was you.

You stopped in front of him not impressed by him just blocking your locker.

"Move."

"Hi sweetheart."

"Dude just move."

"I got a little letter for you."

"What is it this time?"

"An apology."

That made you stop your words from coming out your mouth for a second there. Did he just say an apology? From Frank Iero himself? Out stretching your hand- you felt the piece of paper on your hand.

It was blank.

"There's nothing on it."

"Well I'm here aren't I? I'm - I'm sorry (Y/N), I was stupid. Just dumb. Maybe because puberty didn't hit or something but fuck- I- I'm trying here, tell me what I can do to make it right. You're just ignoring me, I want you. Tell me how I could get you to see me again." He said, his words spewing out of him as if there was no pause button- hell was he even breathing at this point?

"I just, please - I want to be around you again. I want us to be close again. I would take whatever I can to just get you to take a glimpse at me." Frank's fingers slowly glide across your arm and grabbed onto your wrist lightly. His thumb brushing on your inner wrist, he brings it up to his lips and pressed his lips against your skin.

You couldn't help but melt into it. This is still the Frank you knew for the longest of time. Of course you want things to work out. You were just afraid.

"I don't forgive you just yet, I guess." You muttered quietly, it almost didn't reach his ears but thankful he picked it up. At this point he was very aware of everything you were doing right now. "I just don't know if you ill leave again- I don't know how to put-"

He hates how stiff you were, how closed off you were, how quiet you were. "Hey, hey no. None of this is your fault okay? It's all on me." Frank replied, his eyes dimmed a little.

"We just.. need to talk about it, I guess and see where this goes? It's one thing to jump from nothing to friendship - but you saying you want me. As a lover. Let's just..sit down and talk about it?"

You gave him a meek smile once your eyes met his.

"is that okay?"

"Fuck, yeah. That's- that's more than okay. I- thank you. I- I won't let you down. Really I want to prove it to you (Y/N)" Frank moved in closer, his eyes taking in for any signals to see if you are comfortable with him being closer like this. You didn't back away - great sign. He leans down and presses a kiss onto your cheek.

"Classes are starting soon, walk you to your class?'

Your cheeks felt warm at his sudden kiss- you couldn't trust your voice. So you just nodded.

"Just so you know, I'm not going to make this easy for you."

"I love a chase, sweetheart. As long as you want me to run to you. I will do just that."

Hand in hand you guys head to class, a slow change was happening between you both now.

And it's going to best change for each other.

wanted to make this into a two part thing, but i just dont have time to make another two part fanfic! i hope you enjoyed it! uh, the second part for to be seen will come soon, at best this month! just wowie alot of stuff and meets up happening.

anyways, thank you for reading this! i love you so much, take care, stay hydrated and ill see you on the next one <3

Illi has not been a good lover.

Is what she tells herself daily. In a way, her words was a whip and she keeps hitting herself with it, again and again and again.

Drills it into her skull.

She wasn't destined for love, is what she believes.

She wasn't fit to be someone's rock. Is what she would write in her journal.

She wasn't enough. Is what she would speak about to her therapist.

Maybe she didn't do enough.

For you to stay.

For you to see tomorrow.

Everyone tells her it's not her fault. People can do so much for another person. It depends if that person wants to accept that help or not.

But she can't help it if the person is you.

You have helped her in so many ways. Why can't that be the same for you?

Her eyes looked down at the letter you left, the slightly brown paper that feels a little lighter now from the months of being folded and unfolded, the edges being in this slightly brown colour. Some words slowly fading off.

She brings the letter up to her lips, tears streaming down her face- holding that letter close to her lips. Pressing a kiss too it.

It was always something new at school for many people. Not for you though. The days go and come, everytime the minute hands ticks on the clock, you wonder when it would ever stop.

Standing infront of the crowd of students, teachers and facility. You just didn't want to exist. You didn't know why. It just happened, like a wave of sadness washed over you and you just- accepted it. You sank too far that no amount of swimming would help because you're out of oxygen to keep yourself sane. To keep pushing to reach the top, the light was just- a source of light. Not a point to reach out to see what's beyond it.

Your hand gripped onto the sling of your bag, looking at the crowd, standing in the middle of it all. They sound muffled, a ringing sensation in your ears and before you could reach to that point - a soft kiss landed on your cheek.

"Hi, my love."

Illi.

Illi is here.

Your lover. Your everything.

"Oh, Illi, hello. I didn't see you come up to me. Hi."

Illi tilt her head a little in confusion.

"You didn't hear me call out for you too?"

"Mm, I guess so. Thinking alot I guess."

Illi frowned a little, taking your hand in hers, pressing a kiss on the back of your hand.

"You want to talk about it? We can ditch a few classes, head to the park or somewhere quiet. You can let out everything if you want too! Plus it will be us."

You shook your head, pressing a soft kiss against her lips.

"I'll be okay, thank you my dear. We can't skip anymore classes. Let's go."

You tugged her to the direction for your first class.

The feeling just got worse over time. Your body ached, you felt like your bones were too heavy to move. Breathing was hard now. It was like your body wasn't yours, like something was slowly eating you from the inside out. You could feel yourself slipping away.

And you were allowing it to happen.

Currently sitting on Illi's bed, you just stared at the ceiling. She was doing some drawings while the television was on, playing one of her favourites. However, everything was just blocked out, you couldn't help it- maybe you could talk about it?

"Hey Illi?"

"Hm?"

"I don't feel so good."

Her pencil stopped moving, her head turning to see you laying flat on her bed. Her eyes drifted to check on you.

"In what way, sweetheart?"

"Don't know. Just..it feels heavy, whatever it is."

Illi moved, from her chair to the edge of the bed, leaning over so that her face was what you were looking at. Your hand moved to cup her cheek, brushing your thumb against her cheekbone.

Fuck. She's the most prettiest thing you have ever seen.

And all you could think is.

She deserves better.

Not you.

Better.

"Hey, your hand is a little cold. You wanna go on a walk with me? Let your blood circulate a little. Under the stars. It would be cute."

Illi muttered, turning her head to press a kiss against your palm.

"That would be nice."

Illi could sense something was up, she just didn't know what. It was like the sun set one day and it didn't come up again. Your smile dimmed over time, your eyes lost the flicker of hope, curiosity and joy.

Your hands don't reach out for anyone or anything. You footsteps that sometime would match hers, just slowed down even more before disappearing completely. You would stay home after school. Illi would invite herself but you said that you were unwell and you just needed to be alone.

But after a few days. It didn't feel right. So she came over with you. Whether you wanted it or not. She would sit with you, talk to you, bring your favourite foods to your place. She would try to bring you out for some dates too. Sometimes there would be a hint of joy.

However, there's this sense. There's this feeling like you agreed on something. Like something you can't back out and was determined to do.

She was scared. So fucking scared.

So she stayed over. Told you how much she loves you, showing you her drawings, and you drew some stuff for her too.

Slowly you broke out from that feeling. Illi thought that, you were coming back. Slowly you were allowing yourself to feel the happiness you deserve. Kisses between the both of you were deeper, more connected. Her hand never left yours. You were on her lap when she was drawing.

She was doing this to keep you here. To show you how much you mean to her.

You were doing this so that you wouldn't forget this feeling. Not matter how far away you were from her.

What she didn't realise that, you were happy with the decision you made for yourself.

It was quiet, too quiet in class. Illi didn't know why. In fact it was the opposite, people talking, laughing and just excited to see their friends but for some reason..it was quiet for Illi.

Where were you even.

She met you yesterday at your place. You guys had so much fun. You gave her a few of your drawings you made. It was pictures of you and her. A few trinkets you made- that was hanging on her bag. An apple clip, matching with you. Here's was red while yours was green. It was so cute.

She glanced at your empty seat beside her. Her hand on your table, tracing the little heart that had both of your initials. She's excited to see you again.

"Hello everyone. I have an announcement to make."

A somber tone echoed in the class. The form teacher stands at the front of the class, her arms around her, rubbing her arm for some self soothing. Her eyes a little red, everyone immediately quieten down.

"Um, as you know, everyone one of you guys know your classmates and have a bond as a class together but, I- today I got news from (Y/N) parents that, they are no longer with us."

Illi hand stops tracing over the doodle. She stiffen in her seat.

What?

What?

You are no longer with us?

What the fuck does that mean?

Illi's eyes met with the teacher before she continued speaking.

But nothing was heard. Illi took her bag and ran. Frank, Mikey and Ray all followed. Yelling Illi's name as she sprinted down the hallway.

No, no,no. This is a fucking joke.

No way.

You didn't leave.

You didn't just stop living.

There's no way.

She saw you yesterday.

Said I love you. Kissed you. Your warmth against hers. Your fingers brushed through her hair.

You are still here.

She knows it.

Her legs were aching, crying in pain but Illi didn't listen till she was infront of your home. She called out for anyone in the house. A few minutes later, a family member opened the door. Their eyes puffy and red, looking at Illi before letting her in without any word.

Illi ran to your open, expecting to see you on your bed. Maybe on your chair. Just in your room.

But you weren't there. Your bed was unmade. The chair wasn't pushed back under your table like it always was. How does a room filled with posters, photos, trinkets and more - some how feel so hollow and so empty.

How does a room filled with memories, colours and the smell of you, feel so heavy and depressing.

It was instinct, if you could even call it that.

You were gone.

You left.

You won't be walking beside her at school anymore.

She will never feel your warmth in her hand.

Your soft chuckles.

Your smile.

You.

Illi walked to the edge of the bed, before getting on her knees. Her head on the bed, her hands clutching the bedsheets- sobbing hysterically as she finally realised.

The boys reached to the entrance of your bedroom, standing there - unsure on what to even do.

Can Illi even come back from this?

If anything, she lost herself.

You were her everything.

You gave everything to help her in her issues.

With her own pains and insecurities.

So why.

What did she not do enough of?

Come back and tell me.

Please.

It has been a few weeks.

Her family bringing her food to eat. Sometimes, Mikey had to feed her from time to time - Frank and Ray coming down to have a sleepover every weekend if they could.

And Illi.

Illi was just there.

Right now, she was in her room alone. It was the middle of the night, it has been a rough couple of days. Nightmares of the day you left kept haunting her - but if it means that she can think of you. She wouldn't want them to end.

Sitting on her bed, she clutched the letter you left for her. On the day she ran to your home. A family member handed her an envelope- with her name in your writing on the middle of it.

Everytime when Illi misses you, she would just open the letter and read it.

What were you even thinking as you were writing this?

The way Illi could feel the pressure you put against the paper as you wrote.

As if you want the words to stay as long as possible.

For you or for her, she would never know.

Illi's eyes traced the words on the piece of paper.

"My sweetheart,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, my love and I would understand fully if you don't accept my apologies. No matter how many times I would say it - I'm so sorry. You have showed me so much of me I didn't know I could even be. Your existence will always be something I'll search for in every lifetime I would live in. No matter how long or short it may be. Call me selfish- but Illi, without you. I'm practically nothing.

As I write this, I hope- maybe in the next life. I can be yours once again. If you allow it. Even if you remember this lifetime. I will do whatever I can to beg for your forgiveness to be yours again. I love you so much my sweetheart. God, I love you so fucking much. This decision- was something I have set myself to do for a while. I didn't want to tell you because I know you would drop everything for me. I didn't want that.

It's selfish enough that I want to escape all this, but I feel it's even more selfish when someone I love drops everything and anything to help me. I don't deserve it. Not one bit. So please, my love. Never ever blame yourself. I miss you already Illi. God. Thank you. Thank you so much for everything. God- thank you for loving me. Thank you for showing me that even as someone as faulty and disgusting as me can be loved. Thank you for being my moonlight in the most terrible nights. Thank you for being my sole reason to keep trying till my final breath.

I'm just tired, sweetheart.

I just want to rest.

Till I'm ready to meet you again.

I hope I'll see you once again when I open my eyes.

Until then, sweet thing.

I love you so much. Goodnight, Illi.

Your eyes watched silently as Ray played his guitar backstage. Dressed up in his attire for the show.

The Return of the Black Parade.

The band have been on tour again for a few months now. No matter how many times you have seen him in this outfit- it always makes you feel so shy and just down right happy for him. To see him in his element, to watch him be the talent person on his guitar. You couldn't help but swoon and just feel all proud and excited.

Right now, you didn't want to disturb his last minute practice but you wanted to give him a small kiss of luck before he goes on stage. Your feet moved to stand behind him, your fingers brushing his hair back before pressing a kiss on his cheek- feeling his beard on your lips. His fingers stopped moving - turning his head to look at you.

"Hey, that's not where you kiss me good luck."

You let out a soft chuckle.

"I didn't want to disturb you, love. You were really focused and I didn't want to just stop you for a kiss. Just a quick kiss on your cheek wouldn't really break your focus."

Ray shook his head, setting his guitar down, taking off his headphones and placing it on the table. He turned around, finally facing you fully. Arms wrapped around your waist- pulling your closer.

Without any words his lips found yours, one of his hands on your lower back, pushing you closer to him as you kissed.

Your body melt against him - arms wrapping around his neck, deeping the kiss for a moment. Unfortunately oxygen was needed and you didn't want Ray to pass out before he could even step on stage. So you broke the kiss first and Ray lips quickly tried to catch up with your lips to bring you to another kiss again. A finger was placed on his lips- followed by muffled laughter.

Your hand covering your mouth as you laughed.

"You can get more later. Okay? You have to perform soon."

"Just one more. I promise. Just one more."

"Ray!" Before you could even speak his lips found yours once more. His hand moving to cup your cheek- gis thumb brushing your cheek bone lovingly.

"See that wasn't so bad right?" Ray whispered against your lips.

You could only roll your eyes at his words. "Good luck out there."

He gave you a small smile, before grabbing his guitar to walk out with the others on stage.

It didn't take long for the concert to start and immediately from soft touches on your skin and gentle motions - he did a complete 180 and was shredding his guitar like it was the last thing he could do before the world ends, like this was his only way to breathe.

No matter how many times you watched him play, it never fails to amaze you. The more you watched him making the stage his - you wondered.

How are you even his?

And how is he even yours?

Ever since that day, you just have been thinking about it, it didn't affect you alot - just sometimes you sit there and wonder. That's all.

Ray could tell.

And he wanted to know what got into his lover's head. What made you think so much that you sit there just zoning out.

The both of you were in your shared home. A little break from touring, to spend time with loved ones. Immediately Ray asked for the whole day in with you, he misses you - to touch you and to kiss you again? While being cooped up under a bunch of your blankets that you couldn't stop buying?

It was heaven to the man.

His head was on your chest, his arm around your waist, rubbing your lower back as the both of you watched a show that honestly got a little boring after a while.

Ray turned his head to look at you, your fingers threading through his hair gently, combing out his curls a little.

"Hey, what it's in your head, sweetheart. Do you want to share it with me?"

No pushing of answers, not forcing it out of you. Just here. Waiting if you want to speak about it or not.

"I'm here to listen, y'know?" He leans in, pressing a kiss under youe jaw.

Your eyes met his and you gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"It's nothing crazy or just sad, just thinking that's all." It was said quietly, a little embarrassed to even say it out loud. As if the words would sound too loud. Like it would echo and bounce across the four walls.

"Your pain is mine too, my love. I want to help in any way I can, no matter how big or small it is." His hand finds yours, pressing kisses against your knuckles, his eyes closed, feeling your warmth against his lips.

You blushed a little at his actions, still not used to all of this no matter how long you have been with him.

"Ray, I promise it's nothing serious. Just, why me? I get why, at least I think I do." You hand that was in his moved to cup his cheek, looking down at him.

"It's just- see you in stage, seeing you out there, performing your heart out. It made me think about how much I don't deserve you. How you are incredibly talented in what you do, how you change people with just a strum on your guitar. You light up people's worlds with your words, your kindness, your love for others. It makes me feel a little insane to be the one that calls you mine."

Ray listened to your words for a moment, before sitting up on the couch beside you, his hand on your blanket covered thigh.

"You, have been everything I have been looking for." He started of- fingers brushing over the blanket lovingly. His eyes meeting your for a second before looking down.

"When you said that you would want to be my girlfriend. I couldn't believe it. I thought it was too good to be true. I thought it was just a joke. You, saved me. In more ways than you would ever know. Coming home to you, living with you. Seeing you after everything. I don't think I could ever find peace like this at all, sweetheart."

He gave of a nervous smile, to embarrassed to be saying all this.

"I love you alot, (Y/N). Like alot."

A warm feeling spreads all across your chest to the rest of your body. Your hands cupped his face and you pressed a deep kiss against his, smiling into it.

Breaking the kiss, you pressed your forehead against his.

"I love you too, Ray. Thank you for everything. I love you so much."

He smiles even more wider before pulling you on top of him as his back meets the couch. You let out a surprised yelp, before laughing.

Ray looks at you like you carried life itself. Like you were the most beautiful thing that walks this earth.

God, he's so happy to call you his.

im not gonna lie. this was so hard to write. omg, but I hope you guys like it!! remember to stay hydrated, take care of yourself!

ilysm, see you on the next one

🤍✨️

"Hey, how are you doing sweet thing? It's getting hotter these days. Summer is coming, can you believe that? Mikey has been pulling me out from my bed to head out with the others for today. I mean, I left my room today and went out. That counts for something right?" She let out a small tired chuckle. Her hands brushing against the mat underneath her. It was a little windy today, but it was the perfect day to be out.

"Sorry for being a little late! I forgot we were meeting today. I just wasn't feeling too good but with Mikey asking me to get out, I looked at the calendar and I rushed here."

Illi spoke as her hands moved to open her bag, pulling out a sketchbook and flipped the pages - landing on a particular page.

It was you. A few sketches of you on her bed, in your uniform and just silly little sketches of the both of you. "I tried capturing your smile without looking at your pictures. It's so difficult, so I pulled up some photos of us. Gosh, every single photo I see of you- you just get more beautiful. I'm so happy to call you mine."

Illi's eyes traced the lines that made you. Her fingers brushing against your face on the paper.

"Do you like it?" She whispered into the air, a gust of wind replies in return.

"Yeah. I knew you would."

She placed the sketchbook on her lap, taking a pencil and got to work, sketching something else in the silence- humming a little tune as she drew.

"I went to your locker, the school said that they needed to clear it out- for new students you know? Me and the boys, we all helped to clean. I found the little letters and doodles I gave you. You kept them in your journal. You wanted to make one of my doodles as a tattoo? You are stronger than me. I'm still afraid of needles but I want to get one just for you."

"Also, made a little DND character that is based around you. Gosh they are the strongest and most well written character I have done. That's how amazing and talented you are, sweet thing."

Illi shifted a little, adjusting her sitting position.

"I hope you don't mind that I kept some of your drawings. I really love them, but let me know if you want them back! I'll bring it back to your house. Hm, what else happened. Nothing much I guess. The days has been melting together. I guess. Just happy to be here with you."

Illi's eyes moved from the sketchbook to the craved stone infront of her. A soft smile on her lips before she leaned down pressing a kiss against the slight smooth surface.

"Will you ever respond back to me? Or maybe give me a sign that you're listening. As much as I love the wind - I want to hear you sweet thing."

"I draw you everyday to remind myself how you look like. The photos don't do justice. The cameras didn't capture you while you were asleep on my chest, or your bright smiles when I surprise you. The little frown when we don't hold hands in school. I just..don't want to forget them."

Her hand moved to rub the side of the stone.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't do enough. I'm so sorry. I'm still mad at you. Give a little more time to just..come to terms with it - just, I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. Are you doing well up there? Will there..Will you come back to me? Or do I have to run to you."

Illi's smile dampen a little, tears brimming in her eyes but she wiped them away immediately. Shaking her head and slapping her face with both of her hands to stop herself from crying.

"I'll be running to you soon. I promise."

A soft buzzing noise could be heard from her bag, she dig around to find her phone. Mikey was calling.

"I have to go, I'll come back tomorrow. I want to spend more time with you. I'll be back. I promise. I love you. I'll see you soon."

After packing everything, she placed a little drawing of the both of you on the bottom of the stone. Her finger tracing over the craved words and the dates. Pressing a lingering kiss on the top - she waved goodbye before leaving.

The cemetery was quiet now.

But Illi will be back to fill the silence up with her words and her kisses for you again.