#vergilxkat

which i imagine is not helping her in the post game scenerio where he's just called her useful and thrown himself into a hell portal (also, outside of her knowledge, there is the whole part where vergil argues they let her die if it means they can save mankind but she's unaware of that)

like i feel like if you asked kat at the beginning of the game if she's alright dying for 'the good of mankind' she'd be like 'yeah totally'

but like at the end of the game, where she has almost done that and most of her friends actually died for whatever vergil deems to be the good of humanity, it really seems to dawn on her that like she was really ready to throw herself off a bridge for this man and their cause.

which is where i circle back to mission 12 which is usually the sticking point for people and why they don't like verat right it always comes back to the server room and the character dynamics exemplified there. vergil, after having kat blow up his servers, is willing to let her fend for herself and probably die for 'the cause' and dante is not.

i think about this a lot because it is, obviously, hard to reconcile with the ideas posited in downfall (that vergil loves kat, that the only thing vergil wants to change about this is the situation with kat)(however i also argue that hard to reconcile nature is what makes it interesting if we accept vergil loves kat but is willing to abandon her like this it forces one to ask 'why' and the answers to that why is where the fun is) but also i think it's really interesting from the kat development perspective to, of course. like everything about mission 12 and what gets us here.

the order is a group full of idealists, kats and vergil among them. they are all dedicated to this idea that they are the only thing that can save mankind. that they have to do all of this to save mankind. this is why i argue vergil does not mean ill at the end of the game. he genuinely believes his own hype he genuinely thinks that in order to help mankind, he has to rule the demons. he genuinely believes this is the correct answer that will help those he loves and that the sacrifices were worth it because it is better for mankind for mundus to be gone and for the twins to rule he genuinely believes that. everyone in the order is an idealist who thinks that this is what has to happen to save mankind, up to the parts vergil doesn't tell them of course.

this however also goes for kat's willingness to sacrifice herself for the cause because to her the orders mission, saving humanity from the demons, is the correct thing to do. it's the only thing. if to do that she has to die she is willing to do that because the mission is that important.

but that's the thing right its the idea of that.

the theory of sacrifice. in theory she's willing to give up her life for the cause. she's willing when the idea is distant and intangible because she, like everyone else in the order, is optimistic and idealistic. they're young, they think they're untouchable. like its easy to swear your life to a cause when you don't think anyone is actively coming to take it from you.

i think we see this very clear in her confidence, right? like through the earlier parts of the game she's confident running around the human world and doing her job in broad daylight and backtalking dante and the whole 9 yards.

when the orders under siege, though, she's scared. it's not abstract anymore. she's not a resolute resistance fighter with her chin held high. she's a scared girl who's realizing she might actually die and no one is there to save her. not even dante, not even vergil.

it reminds me of mission 1, the opening cut scenes of the game, where dante puts a gun to her head and threatens her and she's scared because, well, she can't stop him from shooting her. she's not sure she can convince him to stop. the difference between these moments is the SWAT team will kill her, dante was just trying to scare her.

and despite that we do see signs of her trying to stop this fate right?

she's put up wards to keep them out, she knows where to hide. she only stops hiding because she sees dante and knows she has to help him (and because she needs to help vergil, because dante needs to help vergil).

but she also knows before dante knows, before we know (before even vergil knows because he doesn't know she's 1) alive and 2) coming), that when she gets to that server room, when she saves vergil, she's good as dead.

she knows that. and she doesn't tell dante because she knows he'll stop her from going there. she goes, scared, because its the plan. because if she dies, she's dying for the cause. she goes and she helps vergil with the servers and she goes with him as they tell dante she's stuck here and she's going to die and she sits there and she's looking at the server room doors and that's when dante comes over and stays with her.

and i think that's the moment when kat thinks...'i actually don't want to die'.

before that she was scared. she was scared but everyone else was dead and she's doing what's right for the mission right? this is the plan, this is the goal, she's done what she can. but then dante, in his unwillingness to sacrifice for the 'greater good' because he is not from the Order, because he did not agree to sign his life up for this, jolts it in her that she wants to see the future she's paving the groundwork for.

which brings me to my next point: to mission 20 right mission 20 and vergil's 'kat was useful, but-'

i think part of what got me thinking about this post was thinking about how kat probably wanted to be useful, you know? like she kind of talks about it, she talks about putting her energy into things like demonology and the underlying notion there is its useful. or how she talks about her powers by noting vergil might find it useful. i don't think she thinks about it consciously, but its a clear desire for her right?

like this ties into this savior/saved, divine/mortal dynamic i've mentioned about them.

like it shows in how kat talks about him. in her mind she falsely thinks vergil saved her, right? she sees him as a savior, a liberator. he saved her so obviously she needs to do everything she can to help him. its part of the like power dynamic between them. kat, consciously or not, thinks she owes him something for the fact he 'saved' her.

i talked about it in the meta post right (this one), vergil as a divine thing raised divine (wealth being the closest a human can experience to like divinity but also like vergil is not human, so on and so forth). and i think i alluded to this as a verat dynamic in a few posts like the way this divine nature plays into things but never really elaborated? but like kat clearly views him in this sort of heavenly, divine light.

i think there's an element here that vergil is the order, he is the mission, he is the plan. and kat is fully devoted to these things, to vergil as he represents these things. of course she's ready to die for his cause, of course she's going to believe him when he tells her that things will work out. of course, she's his follower, she's the second hand, she's the devotee. he saved her after all. like she wants to be of use to this person. she wants to prove her worth, to be worthy of the saving that she received.

but, of course, she doesn't die.

also, of course, she saved herself. vergil just happened to help get her there.

which is, of course, interesting if we accept that kat is humanity, right. she is specifically vergil's humanity in the like...metaphor of the plot. she's the thing he wants to protect and failed to do so at every turn because he is focused on the grand picture and not the details both literally and figuratively.

when, at the end of the game, he calls her useful kat is so very clearly hurt. we see her cycle through a lot of emotions but that, her instant reaction to that is hurt. and why should she not be?

this post was inspired by another post i saw about characters who desire to be used, to be useful, to be of use, that kind of thing. because like we talk about here kat is that at times. she wants to be useful to vergil, she wants to be of use. beyond this savior/saved dynamic there's also the element of like 'don't leave me stay with me keep me here i can help i can do good'.

but, see, the desire to be useful is different then only being seen as useful.

another thing inspiring this was a favorite ship of mine that i will be censoring to keep it from showing up in that ships search that reminds me so much of verat, ka.nej. (mild spoilers) because in the books this is a huge part of in.ej's internal struggle. is she useful, is she only useful. is she only kept here because k.az finds her to be useful. the desire to prove her worth, to be good at what she does, to not be a weak link, but also that desire to be seen as more then useful by him.

of course, though, it's proven to in.ej that no, k.az does not care if she's useful or not to the dr.egs. he cares about her. just her. (he'd crawl to her, after all, if both her legs were broken which is saying a lot from a guy who uses a cane because he himself has a leg injury and crawling is, idk, not easy for him)

(side note, ka.nej is so much like verat it hurts and i could not look at them for a year because it physically hurt me thats how much 'my thing' they are fghjkl they were a gift to me, seeing as we have no long form verat fan fic to speak of)

kat, however, does not get that, does she?

she instead gets vergil calling her useful. after everything.

and i think about this a lot, obviously. because its so fascinating because while we, the viewer, need to learn and decide how to reconcile these two halves of vergil ('kat was useful-' 'you would risk the future of mankind for a girl?' etc vs 'what would you do if you had another chance?' 'everyone you love has turned their back on you' etc). but kat is also in this boat. how does she reconcile the vergil she knew, the guy who saved her, the guy she's been working with for who knows how long, her partner in all of this, her closest companion with the idea that all he thought was that she was 'useful'? despite wanting to be?

like obviously when one wants to be useful, you also want to be more then that. usefulness is a means to an end. you want to be a person, you want to be respected. you want that use to matter for more then just use. for more then the fact you are convenient. to bring back the ka.nej example the big issue is of course that in.ej, despite wanting to be useful, also wants k.az to see her as more then that. she wants to be respected, she wants to be liked, she wants to be loved. she wants to matter. that's where the desire for usefulness comes from, right? she wants confirmation that she is more then the use she provides.

it kinda turns around in a way. the desire to be useful is also the dread of only being useful. to being disposable.

and kat kinda willingly is going to let herself be disposable. she's willing to lay down her life for this whole thing. for the order. for the plan. for vergil.

and then vergil, at the end of it all, calls her useful.

its so fun. it's so juicy. i've been rambling about this for like over 2k words now like it's so fun!!!! it's so fun!!!!!!!

like there's so much to unpack here. there's so much to explore. like i've been rambling so long because i can't figure out how to wrap any of this up, i don't feel done yet but i also keep talking in circles.

the story is, as i've always said, about how you choose to reconcile all these things. nothing is clear cut about the conclusions you draw trying to do that. and the same is said for kat (for vergil even, as he seems to struggle to understand the dante and kat dynamic).