#venting time

I see better general acceptance of other people reading and less skepticism on them and I’m glad (because the level of doubt and comments I received were not great) because even my friends whom I told things I found they trust other people more, and when things happen which I told them would happen is so funny— it’s not, but self-deprecation is my way of coping.

ANYWAY, I’m venting. Sorry, it’s not been a great week in general when it comes to reading because of comments I’ve been getting and overall how some people may be thinking I do this for the followers.

Every time I search the Colress tag, I turn around and see one person liking proship content and it's OH! There's this person who I know who interacts with proships and so on so forth. And I turn around again and OH! A proshipper interacts with my shit. I honestly wanna crash out sm, yous don't even know.

I'm drunk rn so I will probably regret venting like this in the morning, but here it comes: I'm asexual and I masturbate, out of... something. I'm not sure it's a need, more like a boredom.

Usually I lose interest in it halfway through. I regret it later. I feel dirty. And then after some time I do it again. I take a step farther. I use tools (which primary destination is definitely not this).

The only use I have out of this is a reference to the stories I write about romances I consider more full and normal than the ones I could ever create, if ever. I wish I didn't have a call or a habit to do it. It makes me feel empty afterwards. It leaves me with no particular thoughts, no fullfilment, just blankness of mind. I would rather get rid of it all and become a "true ace".