#ventation

Which I may have not mentioned yet. But as yous may know im taking next semester off. My Mother has been pushing me to do so for the past year and has consistently raised the subject this fall semester. I have decided to do so and believe that it will be the best bet for my recovery, and my best choice for school for a multitude of reasons. All good right?

No because my parents despite both working and making enough money are awful with finances. They are literally betting on me signing up for six classes and than dropping them so that we can get the student loan money. Im assuming this is to cover me, rent, utilities, necessities, probably luxuries. They are expecting me to do this in order to get 9000 dollars. 

UMMMM one that's illegal. Two my medication tuition appeal has not gone through yet. In fact im not even sure of its status and need to speak with disabilities regarding it. Not to mention I have also not secured a medical withdrawal for my political science course this past semester. The year of my relapse I had to drop all except five of 17 credits. Thus, my completion rate is shit. And if I go past even a second class I no longer get loans. LIKE i cannot under any circumstances risk that! 

Now, this is followed after the hell of a week of moving where my Mother caused both my roommate and I to have over three breakdowns and or episodes, cancelled the move (without our consent after pushing us to do the move, i hardly hesitate to say with manipulation) put the move back on, multiple times without speaking with us due to financial issues. Because she after we told her repeatedly, and I said in every single conversation about the move, that my roommate can only pay x. If we cant cover it than we need to find a cheaper apartment complex. 

Basically my Ma always says "dont worry about money dont worry about money" but than holds ropes rather than strings over us, and then tries to back out and blames us.BUT if youve been keeping up with my personal posts you may already know all of this. 

my mom said dont worry about the money for taking this coming semester off, only to have not saved a dime for it, actually she gave her friend she hasn't spoken to in years a large loan. Oh and flew her half brother out that she hadnt met to take care of him for four months. WHICH ARE GOOD DEEDS but then when money is tight, or nonexistent it gets thrown on my roommate and I.

"where did the 1200 go?" to "How did you spend 1200" to "i have your credit card" to me having to sneak and look through her purse to find my student id and medical scripts that I NEED. 

I don't know. I have about 1500 left of my card as of today (school). And I have save up 500-700 (need to double check) from working in the summer. 

But that only covers rent for 4-7 months (need to do the math and confirm amounts) without spending on anything else, such as food or utilities. 

And Im scared of how they are going to react. Im scared that they are going to cut me off. Im scared that she might try to take me to the "emergency room" again (she tried to institutionalize me this summer).