#vent-ish?

Been feeling a lil bit isolated, and away from the stuff I love. I know why, and I know a big chunk of it comes from what is happening in my country, and even before that, it comes from a bit of a sense of helpessness aswell. I don't know. I am trying to feel and do better, since I'm the only one who can pull myself out of this funk.

and before you read this and think, "Well wouldn't that be a superpower instead?"

NO.

NO IT IS NOT.

When I see a ship that is NOT OKAY, my brain lists all the reasons why someone might ship this, and I obviously don't agree with the ship BECAUSE ITS MORALLY WRONG, I still have morals, but I can basically mix into another human beings brain with mine for two seconds, its overwhelming.

with this curse, it's easy to have more bad thoughts and irrational, intrusive thoughts than most people, even if they don't align with how you speak, act, or what you believe in.

this might be a form of ocd I have no idea.

but I need someone to take my brain out of my skull, soak it in dish soap for 4 days, scrub the HELL out of it with Mister clean's magic erasers, then put it back because I can't have one normal day without random thoughts that I cannot type out here because its BAD.

Dear Diary,

I should be happy. I should be happy for Oriel. I should be happy that he and Ombré The Tinkerer get to do something meaningful. I should be happy that he got the opportunity to be in the spotlight. It's not often than anyone other than Offie gets to host a science-related event.

Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to the gadget-making workshop.

But could I ever do something that actually impacts people?

Am I doomed to be insignificant? To live up to my work name? Gosh, the name should be doing me a favor.

It's fine it's fine it's fine.

You're being irrational. It's fine.

They're having fun without me. Then good for them. When did they last see each other?

They're having fun without me. Other agents do. All the time. Why am I only hurt now?

They're having fun without me. You're so self-centered. Oriel never said he didn't want to hang out with you, but he might change his mind if you keep this up.

Everyone, agent or not, is invited to the dang workshop. SO SIGN UP ALREADY INSTEAD OF FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!

...

HE NEVER CARES