#venji fic

Victor didn't speak, taking in the sight of Benji. He had taken off his suit and replaced it with a grey tee shirt and sweatpants, and his eyes were red, as if he had cried.

A knot of guilt tied itself in Victor's stomach. He made Benji cry.

''I can't do this right now.'' It pained Benji to see his ex on his doorstep. After what he witnessed at the wedding, seeing the boy he loved dancing with another boy, his heart was crushed. ''Go home, Victor.'' He moved to close the door in Victor's face, but Victor stopped him.

''Benji, wait.''

Victor hated to be insistent, but this time, he couldn't give up. Allowing Benji to close the door on him would mean closing the door to their relationship, calling it quits for good, and he didn't want that.

''I ran here all the way from Mia's house, so please, let me talk. You don't even have to say anything, just...listen.''

Benji sighed. As much as he didn't want to hear Victor out, the boy had run a few miles just to talk to him. ''Just say whatever you're going to say, and leave.''

To make things right, Victor started by owning up to his mistakes and apologizing. ''I'm sorry for spilling our- your personal problems to Rahim. It wasn't my right to talk to him about your alcoholism. I shouldn't have. I broke your trust and I know saying 'sorry' won't make you trust me again, but I want you to know that I really am sorry.''

At first, telling Rahim felt good. Victor finally had someone to talk about his problems with - other than Benji and Felix -, someone who understood parts of his life his two best friends couldn't. But this was Benji's secret, not his.

The concept of Anonymous Alcoholics is exactly that: you stay anonymous. But Victor outed him to Rahim, someone Benji didn't know, someone he didn't trust. It would be so easy for him to tell everybody about Benji's alcohol problem.

''Is this all?'' Benji asked.

''No. About tonight. I know what it must've looked like, seeing Rahim and I dancing. You must've felt replaced, but he is a friend and I only went with him because you blew me off last minute. To me, there's nothing more than friendship for Rahim, but he doesn't feel the same. After you left, he came to me and he...he kissed me.''

Tears welled up in Benji's eyes and he looked down. ''I don't want to hear this-''

Telling Benji that Rahim and him kissed could come off as cruel, but Victor wanted to be honest. ''It would be a lie to say I didn't feel anything from that kiss. I did, but only for a few seconds. The moment it was over, I felt conflicted with my feelings. I didn't know what I wanted, but Felix helped me figure it out. When I close my eyes and imagine myself going to prom and maintaining long distance for college and getting an apartment, I can picture you and Rahim, but I can't see myself doing those things without you.''

A brisk of wind blew and Benji shivered, feeling the chill air through his thin shirt and bare arms. Victor wanted to take off his jacket and give it to him or hold him close to provide some warmth, but he wasn't allowed to do that anymore.

''I want you, Benji,'' Victor continued. ''I spent one day with Rahim when I've known you for almost a year. The choice was obvious. No, it wasn't even a choice, it was doing the right thing. I love you and I miss you and I really hope it's not over for us.''

It was clear to both that they still had feelings for eachother, still loved each other, but was love enough to overcome all their problems? They each had their wrongs, but will they be able to work things out?

''Benji, why is the door opened, it's- Victor?'' Mrs. Campbell looked at her son and then Victor and back to Benji, confused.

''Hi, Mrs. Campbell,'' Victor greeted politely. He guessed Benji had talked to her because she wasn't looking at him the loving way she used to. ''Sorry for being here late, I was just talking to Benji.''

She hummed, tightening her bathrobe around her to shield her from the air. ''I suggest you go home and talk to Benji tomorrow. He's had a tough night.''

''Mom...'' Benji said, embarrassed. He knew that his tear stained face gave it away that he had been crying, but his mom didn't have to say it in front of Victor.

Victor nodded. He didn't want to get on Mrs. Campbell's bad side any more. He said goodbye and good night to them and walked home.

Tonight hadn't gone as planned - in more ways than one -, but at least Victor had talked to Benji. Will this monologue fix their relationship? Probably not. But being honest and communicating was a step in the right direction.

Just as he was about to get in bed and call it a night, Victor's phone lit up with a new message from Benji.

Victor,

I appreciate you coming here and clearing things up - fighting for us. I know I didn't say much, but I didn't want to say something too fast and then regret it. I need time to think before making a decision. I hope you understand.

I can't say I'm not hurt by the kiss - because I am -, but thank you for telling me, being honest with me.

Victor knows he messed up. Both of them did. They made comments that hurt, trust was broken, and he knew he had to be the one to take the first step to fix it.

“Hi, Mrs. Campbell. Can I talk to Benji?” He watches as she bites her lip and nods, opening the door even further to let him in.

Smiling at her briefly, he watches as she looks at her husband in the living room before turning back to Victor.

“He’s upstairs,” Victor nods and starts walking up the steps but stops when he hears Benji’s mom speak up again. “Please don’t break his heart.”

Victor nods, trying to smile again, but it comes out more like a grimace before taking the steps upstairs two at a time. He can faintly hear Benji playing guitar and singing. The door to his bedroom is slightly open, giving Victor a chance to listen to him play without knowing he’s there.

Benji’s voice is soft, Victor muses. Most likely so he won’t annoy his parents with his music.

He waits until he is met with silence from the other side of the door before he gently knocks.

“Come in,” Benji says quietly. Victor pushes the door open, taking in Benji’s red rimmed eyes. Benji looks on in shock, rubbing at his face so Victor couldn’t see the dried tear tracks.

“Victor, what are you doing here?” The question comes out curious, but there’s a bite to it as he looks at him warily.

Victor takes a small step forward, knowing he deserves Benji’s mistrust.

“I told you, you’re too good of a guy to walk away from.” He takes another step forward, looking at the open space on the bed next to Benji.

Benji must notice his silent question and he nods, letting Victor take a seat next to him.

“You broke my trust Victor.” Benji, with the guitar still in hand, plucks gently at the strings, trying to find something to do with his hands.

Victor puts his hand over Benji’s to stop the broken music and nods. “I know, but I also know that if we want it to work, we need to talk. Like really talk. But that only can happen if we both want it to work out.” Victor looks at the boy he has grown to love over the past year, waiting for the inevitable shoe to drop.

“Do you?” He finishes, waiting for a response. Benji could only nod.

“I told you I didn’t think I could ever give up on you, but it seems like you gave up on me Victor. I didn’t think taking a break would end up with me finding you slow dancing with Rahim.” His voice breaks at the admission and he takes a deep breath.

Victor winces, knowing how it looked and tries to put the memory of Rahim kissing him to the back of his mind.

“I was mad. I needed someone to talk to and Rahim was there. We kept going in the same pattern of anger and apologies, but never really talking. Rahim was there and I took the opportunity to make a friend and help him. I didn’t realize I was hurting you in the process, especially telling him about you being in AA. I know I never should have told him that.”

By Benji’s facial expression, Victor knew he was hurt.

But Victor was hurt too and they needed to fix this.

“I know that coming out to your parents was not easy. But it’s different when you’re not white and religious. I need you to see why it was so hard for me.”

Benji nods, grabbing at Victor’s hand and giving it a helpful squeeze for him to keep going.

“I realize now how difficult it must have been for you to basically go in the closet again and be patient with me,” he says gently. “But I knew that my mom was coming around in her own way and it hurt when you guys argued and when you outed me to Adrian.”

Benji winces, knowing how much of an ass he was being that day. He let all of his pent up emotions out at once and he shouldn’t have.

Maybe Victor was better off without him. Who wants to date an addict anyway?

Victor, noticing Benji’s many facial expressions, pulled Benji closer to him.

“Hey, don’t go there.” He rubbed a hand against his boyfriend’s back.

Boyfriends.

They were still boyfriends right? Victor nodded to himself. Yes, they were and he was going to make sure they stayed that way.

“Your uh mom,” Benji starts, clearing his throat. “She came to me before the wedding at Brasstown. She thought it was her fault for our problems, but even I knew that it was bigger than her. She told me how you defended me to her.”

Victor smiles, knowing he was proud of himself in that moment, but also knowing it took a while to stand up for himself and Benji.

Benji continues, “She told me how all relationships have problems no matter the age. I knew I was going to need to fight for you. I already let you down enough by saying those stupid jokes about basketball, not telling you about AA and then making your relationship with your family even more hard. So after my shift, I was going to come to the wedding and apologize for everything, but I saw you with Rahim and it was like a weight just fell on my chest.”

“Rahim kissed me.” Victor blurts out, and waits for Benji’s anger, but he’s met with just a sad expression and Victor can’t take it any longer.

“He told me that he believed there were feelings between us that weren’t just friendly. And he kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back, but all I could think about was your face as you walked away and I needed to get away.”

Benji nods, waiting for Victor to go on.

“I went into Mia’s house and found Felix. He talked about something that his mom did to help with her problems. He asked me who I pictured myself with in the future. Someone I would have a long distance relationship with if it came to that and who I would want to be FaceTiming every day. Who, in the end, would be there after college at my side because we made it through all the bumps in the road of a long distance relationship.”

Benji looks at Victor and whispers, “And who is that?”

“You, Benji. I only see you.”

Gently taking Benji’s face in his hands, he kisses him on the forehead, trying his best to pretend he does not see the tears in Benji’s eyes.

“I’m a mess Victor. I’m a 16 year old who is one year sober and tries to pretend that everything is fine when it’s not,” he takes a deep breath, “it’s really not. Are you sure you want to be with me? I know Rahim is nice and cute and you probably have way more in comm-“ Victor’s lips on his mouth cut off his spiel, and he moves into the kiss, putting his hand in Victor’s hair and getting the faint taste of the cherry lip gloss from the other boy’s lips.

“I only want you. Rahim deserves someone who will love him like I love you,” he smiles,” and that’s definitely not me.”

“I love you too.”

“To make this work, we really need to talk and not let anger and mistrust into our relationship like that again,” Victor says, before smiling as he lets his fingers brush through Benji’s hair.

“But right now, I just really want to kiss you.”

Benji grins back at him, a sparkle in his eye that Victor has been missing for a while.

“Kiss away, Mr. Salazar.” Benji responds, trying to sound seductive and failing. Victor laughs, falling back on the bed.

He fake swoons, “Oh, Mr. Campbell. Please have your way with me.”

“Oh I definitely will,” the shorter boy responds, before kissing Victor on the lips again and laying down on his chest.

Victor smiles down at his boyfriend as he seems to be peppering his chest with gentle kisses before falling asleep. The sound of Benji’s breathing lulls Victor right to sleep.

Victor didn't want to officially say anything, feeling weird to make a whole scene for his coming out, worried it would end on Creeksecrets, but he wouldn't be hiding anymore. He and Benji had a plan. They would hold hands at school on Monday, to test the waters, and gradually go from there. Benji being already out would get the message across and Victor wouldn't have to do a grand announcement.

Victor’s coming out had been the main subject of Benji and him’s conversation this weekend. Benji could tell that his boyfriend was very anxious, but who wouldn’t be. He was too when he came out a year ago. Unlike him, Victor had someone by his side. Someone who would hold his hand through it all and as long as Benji was holding his hand, it would be okay.

Felix had his back too. He had personally volunteered to throw hands at whoever dared saying anything homophobic. It was a bit ironic given that the brunet could never win a fight to save his life, but it was sweet.

Talking about Felix, him and Victor had to part ways when they arrived on Creekwood High's ground so he could get inside with Benji. While it was nice to have his support, Felix couldn't walk in with them - not today, at least. He did promise to greet them inside with Lake, though.

Victor stood be the stairs, fidgeting with his hands and tugging at the sleeves of his jacket as he waited for his boyfriend. Benji shouldn't be too far, having received a text from him five minutes ago saying he was two blocks from the school.

''Good morning, handsome,'' Benji greeted, coming up behind Victor, making his heart jump in his chest, a little on edge.

Victor turned around, lips turning up when seeing Benji's sparkling eyes and wide smile. At least one of them was jolly this morning.

He responded with a half-hearted brief greeting, making Benji creased an eyebrow. ''Everything okay?''

Victor sighed, frustrated with himself. How many peep talks will he need till he gathers the courage to walk in? Even after a night of virtual cheerings and encouragements from Simon and his New York roommates, there was still a ball of worry in the pit of his stomach.

''I was worried about that too when I came out. Everyone is, I think. It's kinda 'normal','' Benji said, guessing what was on Victor’s mind. ''Even though Creekwood claims to be accepting and LGBTQ+ friendly, not everyone is. I've had a few comments directed to me and gotten nasty looks from some people in the halls or from guys in the locker room, but it's not a reason to stay in the closet and hide who you are. You can't let those people get to you and you most importantly can't stop yourself from living your life because some homophobes don't approve of your lifestyle.''

Benji was right, and he knew it.

‘’I want to come out. I’m ready. That’s not the problem.’’ Victor scoffed. ‘’It’s quite the opposite. I’m tired of always fighting the envy to kiss you in the morning or between classes or not sit close as I’d like to you during lunch.’’ Benji smiled at Victor’s words, sharing the feeling. ‘’I’m just…nervous.’’

‘’Which is why I’m here.’’

Victor smiled.

Where would he be if he hadn't met Benji? Understanding, patient and oh so sweet, Benji. He was everything Victor ever wished for - and more. He was always there for him, ready to listen to him whenever he was having a difficult time with his family or when he needed a pair of arms to hold him after a bad day. He was there for the good times too. Like when Victor scored the winning basket at his last game. They didn't kiss in front of everyone like in cheesy movies, but he did cheer for him on the bleachers alongside Felix and his family.

Victor exhaled a breath and nodded. ‘’Okay. Let’s go.’’

A grin spread on Benji’s face as he extended his hand, waiting for Victor to take it and lace their fingers together. He brought their joined hands to his lips, kissing Victor’s.

‘’Ready?’’