#vaping tw

This little likes 2 smoke userbox :]

﹕umm 4 other littles who like to smoke!!!

➜ ❝ makes relax :] ❞

I still function off a lot of shame, so I understand in a way. Even though I'm sober now, not only do I still vape, I very much fear judgement & consequences if I relapse. I take it out on myself. But that shame and excessive fear only works to bring me back to using, eventually. Living this way keeps me stuck, not really able to move on to a better life - one where my best self gets to come out.

And that whole pursuit of a better life thing... that's where it goes from not using to avoid consequences (internal or external), to actually leading a sober life. So even though I do have a lot of shame and guilt, I still try to focus on making today better (progress, not perfection). These 24 hours only. Cause we only have today.

Not focusing on tomorrow, it hasn't happened yet. Not focusing on yesterday, it's already gone. I guess what helps me is letting go and taking it easy. Accepting I'm a person, I'm gonna have flaws, I'm gonna have bad days, and hell, I might relapse. But my journey to recovery won't be over til I'm dead.

We're both doing this ultimately because we want better - for ourselves and our loved ones. We don't want the pain. So it makes more sense to focus on the positive than beating ourselves up. But we gotta work for that. The disgust won't disappear overnight, but if we make even the smallest effort each day to just be a bit kinder to ourselves, we'll get somewhere.

Also: if you recently stopped drinking, I want you to know it's okay if you aren't ready to quit vaping yet. It hurts for me to vape, too. I tried quitting and I caved because the withdrawal is too much for me to handle right now. And that's okay. Better for me to vape than drink. If I do the work on myself now, my future self can tackle the vaping. If you do quit, there's nicotine replacement and meds to help cravings.