#random dm anon

random dm anon (new)

Hey Cas! I got a random person dming me recently and I've been talking with them a little but I don't know them at all and honestly they're kinda creeping me out a little, idk why but I feel uncomfortable and avoid messaging them. But I feel like blocking them would be mean and unnecessary, seeing as they haven't said or done anything wrong..

Hey Cas this is the same person who sent an ask earlier today about feeling uncomfortable with someone dming me, they just asked me where I'm from and if I live alone...

Hi!

Yeah at this point I feel like you have a reason to block. It sounds like you need to trust your gut. While they could be innocent, those questions are def red flags and if anything, they'll learn not to ask them again. Good for you for recognizing red flags!

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validation anon

Hello Cas!

Thank you for your reply and my anon name 🫶💕

I guess the way I wrote could’ve come off as pretty… not great. (Thank you for telling my btw, you’re a rockstar) I’ll try and do better in the future, The thing is I’m not really sure how to describe myself though? In all my English classes I’ve been told not to make claims/statements on someone’s attributes if I can’t like… find supporting evidence (and supporting evidence is usually actions and stuff one does, so I just skip to the action part. instead of saying “Xyz is kind and considerate” i say “Xyz often does things for others, such as volunteering, etc., and tries to make people feel included, like talking to everybody around them when they seem left out”), alsooo

I feel kinda weird describing myself sometimes lol, like… I am… creative? I guess?

I dont know how to support that claim or even quantify myself most of the time, but I think you’re right with about the “who I am” thing, so… attempt number two!

I would say that I do show the good parts about myself a lot of the time. I tell people about what I find interesting, what I dislike or things that have happened recently and how I feel about them, other similar things. I cant really bring myself to not try and make people smile. I feel and show affection really deeply, even if the way I do it seems really weird or just, not noticeable at times. Most of the time I’m overstimulated or my social battery is super low, but when I’m around others I really want to make them feel safe and stuff, so I keep talking and trying my best! Even when I’m angry at people it’s hard to imagine genuinely hating them or wanting them to feel miserable. I’d just… much rather have the reason I’m angry at them have never happened, I suppose? Whenever people are around me I try and let them into the way I think and see things, like penguin pebbling! I’ll tell people all about the things that remind me of them or that I’ll think they’ll find cool

As for receiving affection? I don’t think I’ve ever received it in a way that I felt safe doing so. It might be tied to my own insecurities, and also past friendships that were… not so good (but that’s not super relevant I guess), but all affection in my friendships, even when my friend is giving it me, just feels like I’m performing and unsafe around them,

(And then there’s like, the people who aren’t close friends (and sometimes even my close friends) who sometimes seem to get bored of me/ignore me as a person, and just enjoy what I do for them)

I’m sorry if all of that is kinda weirdly written. I don’t think I’ve ever tried to write about who I am before. I don’t think I’ve ever valued myself outside of… what I can do? It’s not like I look at my friends and think “okay they sing, play guitar, and do the drums… they are a good asset to be friends with”, I just remember how they make me feel, and their vibes (and also the stuff they do so i can buy like, birthday gifts that they’ll like)

I don’t think I’ve ever done that with myself before

And I’m sorry (again) if all of this sounds cringy as well,

Thank you so much, this was really good advice. You’re awesome, and I hope you have a great day 🫶🫶💕💕

—validation anon

Hi! Please don't be sorry at all, I can relate to a lot of this so much- the constant masking, the not really receiving affection....but I think the thing is, if you don't ever show who you are, you're not going to get those closer friendships you crave.

Here's the thing- showing who you are, taking off the mask...it's scary. I know it is. Acting like YOU and not just GIVING, is terrifying, because you know people can reject you. But when you just give and mask, NOBODY likes you for you, because you're not giving them the chance to. Whereas, if you act like you...it's scary, but if you mke a friend, you actually make a friend who likes you for you.

<3

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sister with 29 year-old boyfriend anon

Hi, it’s sister with 29 year-old boyfriend anon. Idk if you got my second ask, but two hours after they finished arguing he said he was addressing me and talking about her and didn’t understand why she was mad. Which makes a little sense bc he said “Hello (my name)” and then in a separate message he said the thing he said. I just think it’s weird that he specified what he meant two hours later. Apparently he said that he was working and he was confused which doesn’t make sense to me bc he had the time to defend himself and text back immediately. To me it kind of sounds like he spent that time trying to come up with a response to make my sister stop being mad at him. My sister got a little pissed off when I said that. But I’ve never actually met him so maybe he’s telling the truth. But even then it’s still a weird thing to say.

Hi!

Yeah I saw that part- I agree, i still think it's super weird. I stand by what I said before- you should tell your parents and make sure you're not alone with him. He may not be a full-fledged creep (or he could be) but he's got some red flags and it's so much better to be safe than sorry. <3

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dilemma anon

hi! it’s dilemma anon. turns out the guy has a crush on me! I’m officially the third person in my friend group this kid has liked

Oh wow! Okay well I don't think that changes anything for you, though. (unless you decide that you like him but I'm guessing you don't lol) I still think you should tlk to him and talk to the teacher. It's not your job to take care of him or be friends with him if you don't want to be.

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midnights anon

Hi Cas! How are you?

Rehearsals are staring up, but honestly I can’t really bring myself to care about how late I get home and then how late I finish homework because everything feels really hard right now,

My English teacher is mischievous, but like in an evil way. He giggles and cackles at us while we all stress over pop quizzes his gives us almost every class. He wants us to know words like or rarer than “ameliorate” or “din”, stuff like that. Old British words. And he won’t give any extra credit opportunities and the pop are 20 percent of our grade which feels like overkill. It’s basically the same amount as in class participation

And my friends I guess are like you said. Not… the friendy-est, but I’m managing. Some of them are pretty nice, but I feel like one of them specifically just… I feel like I’m not justified in being frustrated with her because I’ve occasionally been frustrated about stuff unrelated to her and rambled to her… but all our conversations are usually just about her, or the “opps”. She’s really stressed out about people and apologizes for dumping it on me and the friend group, but then literally @ s different people so they will get an alert to listen to her ramble about her “roster”. I don’t want to dismiss her issues or not care, because I really do care, but it’s just… a lot to handle when she yells at me or snaps because “the teachers hate her and won’t let her test out of Latin” or her “fine shyt” keeps being dry… even though she said she’d stop talking to him 5 different times and got upset when I said that I wasn’t very comfortable continuing to talk about him. And on top of this there’s the rest of the friend group being… the way they usually are I guess

I feel like I have negative spoons, honestly. I wake up with 4 spoons, getting ready takes 3, doing small talk or just being around others takes 5, the 8 hours of school takes like, 8 spoons, rehearsals actually give me a spoon or two back, and homework takes like, 5 spoons because I’m tired after everything, and studying takes another spoon (I will be honest my spoon system is a little arbitrary/silly but i hope it makes sense)

I have -16 spoons :( and sleep only gets me up to four spoons at very best, and 0 spoons on average

My body is in constant pain. I feel like I’m working out 24/7, like when you’re lifting weights, and you have the physical ability to carry a weight, but you know you can’t hold it for like, 3 hours. I feel like I’ve been holding a weight with every part of my body for weeks

Everyone says this year of highschool is the worst, but them those same people say that I have nothing to complain about and am melodramatic

I haven’t gone outside and touched grass in like 2 weeks

I’m so tired and nobody cares. Whenever I tell my parents they try their best but… their best is sitting next to me, holding me when I asked them not to, and yelling across the house (also in my ear) that I’m not well,

Everything hurts so so bad

And I have my first ever chem test on Friday, which is apparently according to all the people in the grades above me, the hardest subject ever

I’m so tired

Thank you for listening to my ramble :(

—midnights anon

Hi!

Please know that you're not being dramatic or overreacting. This time in your life can be SO hard, especially because people don't take it seriously. You have every right to feel tired and overwhelmed and upset that people don't acknowledge that. Full stop.

Remember, though, your friends also have a right to feel this way. I know tht the things they're struggling with seem trivial to you because you have things that are more difficult to focus on, but to them it's not. It's okay to not want to talk about their issues (sometimes I feel the same way with people I know!) but try to give them some grace because I promise, they're not trying to be annoying, you know?