News Years Eve 12/31/17
And I wanna party but I'm sober and in drug court but I'm triggered as fuck right now and feel like shit. Probably gonna go to this N.A. dance just to do something sounds kinda lame though. Cleaning the house and doing laundry all day while watching children even though I have no energy never pictured this as my life but heyy it's better than being on the street or in jail/prison I guess although being an addict I just feel like my life isn't complete without drugs but I can't have this and the drugs too it never works out so I'm clean although I'm forced I realize I wouldn't have any of this without it. I'm starting this new year healthier and free. I had a dream last night where I got set up for selling pills while in drugcourt and got out on bond waiting to go to prison and then starting shooting dope, its so crazy cause even in my dream I could taste the meth in my throat, you know the gas that comes up your throat or whatever and sometimes makes you cough I called it the chill but yeah then you feel warm sensation and a rush throughout your body and chest well I felt that and really wanted to get high when I woke up and that dream and memory hasn't left me since. It fucking sucks cause it left me feeling detatched from reality and in a dream like state. It feels like I'm living in 2 different worlds and it's depressing. Stay safe everyone. <3
