idk if itâs bc itâs friday and iâve had a really long week and everything is just really fucking funny to me rn but @lady-pei and i are dyinggg and so i need to share:Â
imagine bittyâs moving back into the haus, unpacking his baking supplies while talking to jack on the phone, and lardo, chowder, ransom and holster just think heâs talking to his mom until bitty says âiâll talk to you later, sweetheart... haha i love you, too.âÂ
and everyone else in the haus stops whatever theyâre doing and stares at bittyÂ
âWHO WERE YOU TALKING TO?!âÂ
âyou call your mother âsweetheartâ?âÂ
âwait. you know what this means?âÂ
âBITTYâS GOT A SECRET BOYFRIEND!âÂ
âHEâS BLUSHING!  HEâS TOTALLY GOT A SECRET BOYFRIENDâÂ
âWE MUST ALERT THE MASSES!âÂ
so ransom and holster immediately spam the SMH group text with âBITTY HAS A BF AND HE DIDNâT TELL USâ and everyoneâs like ???????Â
itâs utter CHAOS and bittyâs just trying to take it all in stride until jack responds with âhaha. nice.â and then bittyâs... well, a little ticked off bc how is it fair that heâs the only one that has to deal with thisÂ
it takes a few minutes for shitty to respond, but when he does, all hell breaks loose: WHAT?????????? DEETS, BITS. Â GIVE US THE DEETSSSSSSSSSÂ
ransom and holster obvs just egg him on like âDEETS DEETS DEETSâÂ
lardoâs the more reasonable one thatâs like âlook, bits, you donât have to tell us who he isâÂ
bitty breathes a sigh of reliefÂ
...until lardo adds: âif you tell us how he is in bedâÂ
cue even more pandemonium, ransom and holster keep chanting âDEETS DEETS DEETSâÂ
jack fucking zimmermann texts: âcome on, bittle.  how is he?âÂ
bitty, being the little shit he is, finally responds with: âheâs ok. nothing specialâÂ