#onemuseleft

Man, I reblogged this meme and then wandered away from Tumblr for a week. Whoops!

Um. Hmm. From the mind control WIP, a 616 Steve/Tony story that is currently 90,000 words of Tony with a mind-control collar accidentally locked around his neck (yeah, IDK either), here is Tony explaining to Steve why Steve's plan to figure out whether Tony might possibly be queer by reading celebrity tell-all books is a bad plan:

"Shh, it's okay. It really is. Breathe. You're fine." Tony half-smiles. "Also, for the record, you picked one of the least accurate ways to try to figure out if I could like you. Those tell-all books are approximately 6.25% correct about my love life."

Steve blinks. "That's a very precise approximation."

"Eh," Tony says. He wobbles his other hand illustratively. "It's a ballpark figure. I'm guessing, of all the people willing to talk to the press about being with me, maybe 50% of the people in the book have ever actually even met me. The other half really wanted the money and don't mind lying, and the scummier publishers definitely don't fact-check. Of that 50% who have met me, maybe half of them are people I actually went out with. The other half, maybe I turned them down, maybe I was busy, maybe I accidentally stood them up because Kang was literally punching me into next week, whatever. So now we're at 25%. And then maybe half of them, which I would like to stress is an extremely generous estimate on my part, are people I liked enough that I actually slept with them. That's 12.5%. And then you figure maybe half of them are actually telling the truth about what that was like, and not exaggerating anything to make them look better and me look worse, or whatever their agenda is. So that's at best 6.25% of those tell-alls that are true, and I can tell you from an extremely informal survey of some of them that the six percent that's true -- let's just say, it definitely isn't any of the real exciting parts."

prairie-grass

I'll be interested to hear if this trick works. I would have thought the leather being also in a frozen environment wouldn't be a good combo. I've alternately heard of putting wet newspaper in shoes and then letting it dry, a similar method. Can't say i've ever tried it myself though. I always go for buying the bigger size and putting a inner-sole in. Also, if this doesn't work for you, a lot of shoe-repair places will have special tools for stretching shoes!

The problem in this case is that buying the bigger size, because they don’t have half-sizes, means buying a massively bigger size. Like, an inch of clearance between toe and end of toe-box in my right foot bigger. I bought about four pairs in three different sizes, to make sure, but yeah these are a ten and the eleven is just comically massive on me.

Usually I buy a half size because the half-size isn’t so small that my left foot hurts, while being small enough that my right foot more or less fits. I also can’t use most insoles because I have flat arches and wide feet, but putting an insole into the right boot wouldn’t help anyway with the fact that no part of the shoe except the sole touches my right foot at the larger size :D 

It’s perplexing to me that Docs don’t offer half sizes; there seems to be no benefit and quite a few downsides. IDK why the last pair fit so perfectly, given I got them from a secondhand store decades ago, but depending on how these docs perform I probably won’t buy another pair unless I can buy one that fits from the jump. 

lilyhargrave

Oh, I have a pair of leather cowboy boots that are a little tight, did this really work? No damage to the leather?

None that I can see, but you have to bear in mind this leather is a lot thinner and more flexible than cowboy boot leather. Someone did the actual calculations on the website and water expands roughly 9% when frozen, but as they pointed out, realistically that’s only 2% in any given direction, so you don’t get a ton of expansion, just enough to stretch the leather. When I checked the boot with the frozen water in bags inside it, there were many places where the water hadn’t expanded into the area at all (the toe box, for example). I’d google to see if other people have tried it before trying it yourself. 

It seems to have worked to an extent -- the problem area for me was the seam where the tongue was sewn into the boot at the end of the laces, and that loosened somewhat after two days in the freezer. Enough that I could shove a soda can into the foot to continue stretching it, anyway, which I couldn’t before. 

onemuseleft

I was fully prepared to accept they were olives and that you knew what you were about

[tell me about a character or story that is giving you shrimp emotions right now]

Omg have you heard about our lord and savior Jason Todd? I have long given up on DC canon, but this poor boy was literally picked up from the streets, thrust into high society, murdered, resurrected, dunked in the Lazarus Pit and then went off the rails in various interesting ways. Look at the poor little meow meow. LOOK AT HIM. Bruce could never.

*breathes into a paper bag*

@onemuseleft HAPPY BIRTHDAY

--

After the first time Shen Wei cooked dinner at Zhao Yunlan’s apartment, it had only taken two weeks for them to settle into a routine.

Zhao Yunlan’s schedule was the more unpredictable of the two, which they had discovered on the fourth night when he’d gotten home at eight and they hadn’t eaten until nearly nine because Shen Wei had waited for him.

“You don’t have to do that,” Zhao Yunlan said, lounging at the bartop and watching covetously while Shen Wei was cooking. “You must be starving. Why should you wait for me?”

Shen Wei looked back over his shoulder and smiled. “I don’t mind. Would you have even eaten if I hadn’t?”

Zhao Yunlan tried to remember what was in his fridge. “Sure. I could have found something.”

Shen Wei huffed at him. “You have nothing. I’m cooking anyway, as I said. It’s no hardship.”

Zhao Yunlan sighed. “You are far too good to me.”

“Impossible.”

--

“How about this,” Zhao Yunlan said later in between bites, when he could make himself stop shoveling Shen Wei’s amazing cooking into his mouth, “I have a spare key. I’ll give it to you and I’ll call when I’m heading home. Then you don’t have to wait. If it’s going to be really late, I’ll pick something up. You shouldn’t wait so late to eat, it’s not good for you.”

“It’s not good for you either,” Shen Wei pointed out.

Zhao Yunlan held up his chopsticks in surrender. “As soon as I know I’ll have to work late I’ll order out.”

Shen Wei smiled beatifically. “Agreed.”

Zhao Yunlan got up immediately and dug around in various drawers until he located the spare key, then he set it down beside Shen Wei’s dishes in triumph.

Two weeks after that they had kissed and fallen into bed for the first time. So they hadn’t really followed the usual path.

Zhao Yunlan had expected Shen Wei to be a little more on the reserved side, but instead, it had been like Shen Wei could read his mind and knew exactly what to do to melt it right out of his skull. They fucked and he saw another plane of existence. He’d stayed wrapped around Shen Wei afterward, panting and trying to get his brain back online to no avail. Fortunately, Shen Wei had seemed to enjoy having Zhao Yunlan clinging to him like a sweaty koala.

That had gone into the routine, too. The sex, not the koala impression. And Zhao Yunlan wasn’t about to let Shen Wei go back to his own apartment after they’d had sex, so, Shen Wei had pretty much stopped sleeping over there then.

It was fast, maybe, and if it had been anyone other than Shen Wei, Zhao Yunlan would have violently flung himself in the opposite direction. But it was Shen Wei, and he welcomed it, wished it had all happened faster.

--

It didn’t take long before Shen Wei cooking and cleaning up after him started to chafe. Zhao Yunlan hated sitting on the couch while Shen Wei cooked and then cleaned up afterward. Worse, he caught Shen Wei picking up his clothes after Zhao Yunlan had flung them off the night before.

Shen Wei was too good to him and he wanted to be just as good in return. If Shen Wei liked tidy, he could do tidy.

So, one night after they’d finished eating, he scooped up both their plates before Shen Wei could get to them and headed for the sink.

“Zhao Yunlan?”

“You cooked, I’ll clean,” Zhao Yunlan said as casually as he could manage. He caught sight of the kettle and suggested, “Tea?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Zhao Yunlan flicked it on after checking the water level and then started working on the dishes. It wasn’t so bad, doing them like this. He liked giving Shen Wei a chance to relax.

When the kettle clicked off, he dried his hands and poured them both a cup. Before he could bring Shen Wei his, he’d stepped up to the counter, one hand skimming Zhao Yunlan’s lower back. “Thank you,” he said and Zhao Yunlan ducked in to kiss him.

He’d only meant to grab a quick peck, but Shen Wei seemed to have something else in mind, his mug-warmed hands coming up to cup Zhao Yunlan’s jaw as he slowly and methodically worked Zhao Yunlan into that soft, urgent place.

With a gargantuan effort, Zhao Yunlan broke away, pressing back lightly on Shen Wei’s chest. “You’re distracting me. Don’t, or I’ll never get these finished.”

Shen Wei retrieved his mug from the counter and lifted it to his lips before looking at Zhao Yunlan over it, his eyes dark and absolutely bewitching. Zhao Yunlan swallowed around a dry tongue.

“Let me finish!” he protested. He finished washing the rest of the dishes in record time.

--

“Zhao Yunlan, would you mind if I put a few things in your desk here?”

The hands that had worked Shen Wei’s shirt free of his trousers and that had slipped up underneath to skim over cool, soft skin while Shen Wei worked on dinner paused. 

Shen Wei glanced back at him. “Just a few.”

Zhao Yunlan lifted his lips from Shen Wei’s neck. “What?” he said blankly.

“It would be more convenient,” Shen Wei said, eyes focused determinedly on the pan in front of him. “When I work here.”

Zhao Yunlan gaped at him. “What do you mean ‘would I mind’?”

“I wouldn’t want to impose--”

“Impose?" Zhao Yunlan echoed. “You live here.”

Shen Wei turned in his arms, backing up slightly so that he could look Zhao Yunlan in the eye. “I do?”

Zhao Yunlan blinked at him, floored. “Baby, you sleep here every night. All your cookware is in the cabinets. Your clothes take up half the closet! Of course you do!”

“Oh,” Shen Wei said in a small voice. “I-- I didn’t realize.”

It felt suddenly like the blood had stopped moving around Zhao Yunlan’s body. “Did you...did you not want to move in?”

Shen Wei jolted, eyes going wide. “No! Of course I wanted to move in with you! Zhao Yunlan, you can’t know how long I’ve waited. I just--I hadn’t realized--”

Zhao Yunlan’s blood started moving again, carrying a wash of relief through his body and he started to grin. “You didn’t realize you lived here?” He nuzzled Shen Wei’s throat, pressing a kiss to his collarbones. “Baby. What did you think was happening?”

Shen Wei’s hand curled around his hip. “I-- I guess I hadn’t thought about it. Being at your side is like breathing. Natural. I didn’t question it.”

Zhao Yunlan’s blood stopped for an entirely different reason this time and he lifted his head and began pressing kisses into Shen Wei’s mouth, coaxing his way in to devour him, to make him feel everything he made him feel. Shen Wei moaned, soft and low in his throat, and clutched at Zhao Yunlan’s shoulders. “Baby,” he said between kisses, “I’d have asked--you to move in--but I want--a place we can share--and my lease isn’t up for eight months.”

Shen Wei stared at him with bright eyes, his lips pink and wet from Zhao Yunlan’s attention. “I would like that very much.”

Zhao Yunlan grinned and reached behind him to flip off the burner. Dinner could wait. Shen Wei let out a startled, delighted laugh when Zhao Yunlan hooked his arms under his thighs and hoisted him up, heading for the bed.

@onemuseleft​ CONGRATSSSS on surviving another year!!  

Thanks for asking!

Beast: Favourite hero? 

Oooh in the MCU, it’s Tony Stark, in DC, it’s Dick Grayson, and in real life, Katherine Johnson

Hank McCoy: Favourite book? 

This isn’t one single book but I really love the Immortals series by Tamora Pierce

onemuseleft

See onemuseleft’s existing works here and here.

Preferred contact methods: Email: [email protected] Tumblr: onemuseleft

Preferred organizations: - Anything from the list of approved organizations

Will create works that contain: fluff, fluff and angst, angsty fluff, happy endings, established relationships, domestic avengers, most AUs

Will not create works that contain: permanent break-ups, abuse, infidelity, bdsm, most crossovers (hit me up if you want one, I would prefer it be a fandom I'm very familiar with), mpreg, evil versions of our characters (unless made so by magic or from an alternate universe), incest, body horror (the arc reactor does not count here), lactation, a/b/o

  -- Fic or Other Writing --

Auction ID: 1286

Will create works for the following relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - AA, EMH, Marvel Adventures, MCU Steve Rogers & Tony Stark - AA, EMH, Marvel Adventures, MCU Rocket Raccoon any gen - MCU Alpine & Bucky Barnes - 616, MCU Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - EMH, Marvel Adventures, MCU Tony any gen - AA, EMH, Marvel Adventures, MCU Steve Rogers any gen - AA, EMH, Marvel Adventures, MCU

Work Description: I am offering fic of a minimum 1000 words, up to 5000 words depending on prompt and bidding price. Due to several Big Bangs, I will caution that this fic may not be written until January 2021. I prefer character-centric fics. I'm fine with angst, sad endings, death fics, AUs and most tropes. I am, of course, super weak for any combination of fluff and angst, hurt/comfort both physical and emotional, and domestic fluff. You can take a look at my fics on Ao3, or go to my Tumblr and check out some of my shorter prompt and flash fic. If you want to ask a question about any of the characters/pairings/universes listed above, please feel free to ask! If I think I can't write it or do it justice I'll be honest with you.

Ratings: Gen, Teen, Mature

CLICK HERE TO BID ON THIS WORK

Okay, that was way too adorable to resist!

***

Lan Jingyi was the oldest child of his generation, which everybody cooed about as if it were at all his doing.  

It was not.  There had been a war.  

Lan Wangji was not impressed with Lan Jingyi’s supposed accomplishments.  

Still, A-Yuan was the only other child in the sect close to Lan Jingyi’s age, and so Wangji was obliged to introduce them.  Here is what happened:

A-Yuan startled Lan Jingyi.

Lan Jingyi fell on his butt.

In pain, he shouted, his face turning red.

He looked so ridiculous that A-Yuan laughed.