from 🌟 anon- long post ahead. i’m the yap city mayor ig. i’ve sat here scrolling through all the song asks and wow. guys we’re all Insane in the same way isn’t that beautiful. if we’re doing spoke songs… i’m your man by mitski. oh spoke you’re so deeply tragic. “you’re an angel, i’m a dog / or you’re a dog and i’m your man / you believe me like a god / i’ll destroy you like i am” devious duo ☹️ (falls over and dies) i think spoke has both a superiority and inferiority complex that he switches between constantly. like he perceives himself to be above everyone in canon that let him down/didn’t help him in purgatory. ik you’re not super caught up in the lore but we def see this in spoke’s latest vid with minute. but in your fics spoke just feels so inferior to mapicc. especially the ending of What I Am Not, i really get the feeling that mapicc is this huge shining star while spoke is the surrounding darkness in comparison. black hole mention. and mapicc believes in spoke so much that it leads to his “death” (shh i’m coping mape is alive trust) LIKE the way mape tries to be mad at spoke in purgatory but it’s more *convenient* for them to be allies so they can get out (biggest cope ever mape you love that guy) but mapicc never does. he never gets out. of purgatory or this beautiful awful friendship. like do you think he’s chilling in the underworld thinking about how he wishes he just tried to escape on his own. skiter do you think mapicc misses spoke down there. “i’m sorry i’m the one you love / no one will ever love me like you again / so when you leave me, i should die / i deserve it, don’t i?” like ugh. UGH. again, the inferiority complex. spoke’s suicide attempt in the maze when he jumps off the top and almost misses the water at the bottom. all because mapicc left him. and because jamato exposed his lies. and no one will ever love spoke like that again!!! it’s not that mapicc excused spoke’s bad behavior, it’s that he loved him enough to look past it (until he couldn’t, anyway). it actually breaks my heart to imagine mapicc sitting alone in the underworld thinking spoke never loved him.
and because i’m feeling generous, a bonus! “if i leave” by mitski. “but nobody else could forgive me / quite as often as you” and “but nobody else could see me / quite as clearly as you” and “but who else could love me / quite as kindly as you?” oh my devious. spoke wants to be forgiven and seen and loved and he wants mapicc to do all of those things. but mapicc’s patience only goes so far. also spoke is a black hole!!! “i ride through a tunnel / and it’s dark the whole way” and “it’s been dark the whole way” and “it’s still dark the whole way” because there’s no light at the end of the tunnel for him, especially now that mapicc is gone. spoke is just swallowing up everything he thinks will fill the void.
i have a question for u skiter,, in the post where someone mentioned vampire by olivia rodrigo you said spoke Cannot love mapicc. like he tries to love ppl normally but because spoke believes himself to be funsies diffsies (love that phrase) he won’t let himself love ppl how he Actually can. and like completely avoiding the neurodivergent implications there, i struggle to imagine a world where that’s true. i think there’s love there, but it’s hidden under a million layers of Need and also it’s a fucked up kind of love that looks very different. like we all know spoke goes insane when mapicc isn’t around, and spoke Needs a tether to reality in a sense, someone to hold him accountable, and that’s why the whole null thing is inevitably going to end in disaster. like null are all yes-men, entirely removed from society and solely reliant on their leader, which happens to be spoke, who is the last person anyone should be relying on. the point is, the Need disguises the love from everyone: spoke, mapicc, the audience. and spoke is selfish, and calculating, and insecure and it affects his ability to love the Normal way, which you covered. obviously we could just disagree on this, and we’re all entitled to our opinions, so this isn’t me trying to change your mind or anything. but in his own twisted way, i think spoke does love mapicc. where do you think the love is? does it even exist? does spoke know it exists? does mapicc know it exists?
also thank you for the lfstl recs!!! you’re actually a lifesaver icl i had no idea where to start. and happy 300 :))) thank u for reading my spoke slop
Dude rowan youre not gonna beLIEVE what song rec i just posted my other moot sunfrights suggested THE SAME SONGGG. We’re all so unwell its badddd.
Yeah. yeah. yeah. WAHHHHHH That line is SO THEM DUDE RHAGRAGRA i genuinely think abt it so ofgten while wiritng fic its like. its baddd.
i think spoke has both a superiority and inferiority complex that he switches between constantly.
YOURE GONNA LOVE THIS.
SPOKE THESIS GO!!! I always refer to this as the spoke thesis because it's like, the coire of his character. Spoke needs to be Good, because if he isn't good, then he everyone will leave him. and then for so long he needed to be Good that being Good just became his whole identity in his head. BUT AT THE SMAE TIME he hates himself and thinks he's evil <-thats what makes him self isolate usually. "if im not Good, then im not a person. i dont deserve to live if im not Good" so he goes to extremes to justify to himself that he's Good, and this is just delusions (medical delusions). Because he like. like he kills rose and tries to convince himself that it was good. The post majrose thing with infiltration quartet is so beautiful to me becuase spoke comes clean to mapicc, and mapicc guides spoke into realizing that hes allowed to make mistakes. [also on the mistakes thing, spoke when he is trying to convince himself that he's good will go 'man i just made a bunch of past mistakes but its chill now' like she can never pick a happy medium its always leaning way too far one way. #mentallyill]
but in your fics spoke just feels so inferior to mapicc. especially the ending of What I Am Not, i really get the feeling that mapicc is this huge shining star while spoke is the surrounding darkness in comparison.
OH BOY YOURE GIVING ME SOMETHING TO TALK ABOTU. ive said it many times, ill say it agian, mapicc loves spoke like a god loves their only follower. he wants the best for spoke, he loves spoke. and spoke feels like dirt on the street when compared to mapicc. spokes delusions, in What I Am Not, have shifted away from the "i need to be Good or else im less than human" and into healing. His delusions are less intense, but still there. healing isn't fast. Because in uu, spoke thinks that mapicc is an angel. mapicc is Good. So once the need to be Good has been mostly addressed and delt with, they're left with a vaguely unhealthy devotion. I don't think anyone realized how insane it was that spoke believed(/religious) mapicc enough that he loved himself. Mapicc told spoke "love yourself" and spoke Did It. That's insane. that's absolutely ridiculous and not how normal people works and yeah it's good that spoke loves himself but that's fucking insane that spoke is devoted to mapicc like that. anywya. ya.
MAPICC BELIEVES IN SPOKE SO MUCH THAT IT KILLS HIM. yeah. Yeah. I said this last post too but the fact that spoke loves mapicc is what dooms mapicc. its what kills him.
DUDE YES :M<APOPO LMAOOOOA ALAMOO mapicc is liek "we'll just work together until we're out... i dont car abt you.." mapicc pls girl this is abusive. mapicc ur an abuse victim PLEASE run. It's a little funny but its also so so so so sad because fuckkkkk what can you do? Wht can you do? UGH! And then he never gets out. and hes trapped forever. YES I FUCKING THINK THAT ROWAN YES I THINK THAT SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP as mapicc drops in the void, to what he thinks is his death (hes alive) his 'last' thoughts are about spoke. He wants to hate spoke, but he know it's all love. he knows he loves spoke. spoke is horrible and fucked up and mapicc loves him. I don't... it's like. okay. if my abuser is like, 93% of the last two years of my life, and then suddenly im dropped somewhere where all my senses are deprived and i cant interact with anything but my own thgouhts... i mean im gonna think about my abuser. It's complicated! I don't think mapicc wants spoke back, but he just doesnt know what else to want. do you get it. he misses spoke but he doesnt actually. he yearns.
“i’m sorry i’m the one you love / no one will ever love me like you again / so when you leave me, i should die / i deserve it, don’t i?” like ugh. UGH. again, the inferiority complex. spoke’s suicide attempt in the maze when he jumps off the top and almost misses the water at the bottom. all because mapicc left him. and because jamato exposed his lies. and no one will ever love spoke like that again!!!
yep yep yep. i wouldnt personally call that a suciide attempt like some of his other stuff because he didn't intend to die, but he was 100% considering it yall see how close he was... mmm maybe it was and he was leaving it up to fate to decide if he got to live.. i dont remember how much middair positioning he did.... But it was at the very least like 50% an attempt. I'm only hesitant to call it because that feels very like confining? Like its too messy to be cleanly cut like that imo. AND YES YES YES EVERYTHING ELSE YES. no one will EVER love spoke like that again ever ever ever. mapicc was it.
it’s not that mapicc excused spoke’s bad behavior, it’s that he loved him enough to look past it (until he couldn’t, anyway). it actually breaks my heart to imagine mapicc sitting alone in the underworld thinking spoke never loved him.
^this goes with the last thing. mapicc was the only one who stayed. No one else is gonna do that for spoke. No one's saying it was healthy for mapicc (unhealthy ass duo) but mapicc was like. THE only thing holding spoke back, and then he became not enough. It's like. Cuz he was keeping spoke mostly in check right, but then when he came back from being captured by null, its like. Okay, for the past two years mapicc has been reeling spoke in like a leashed animal and theyre equally matched for the most part so the leash stays at a solid six feet of distance. but then mapicc gets captured and cant fight spoke pulling on the leash, so spoke pulls, used to mapicc pulling him back, but there's nothing there. like playing tug of war with all your might and then the other person lets go and you fall on your ass
and dont even bring up the underworld. god. mapicc loves spoke. loves him so much.
"a bonus" and then u kill me
This is so spoke's feeling of inaddquacy. inadequicy. inadequacy. inadequacy. girl what. sorry u get it this is spoek feeling like not enough. "somebody else will love You, but no one could [love] Me". I've gotten so many asks that i don't remember who this was sorry but someone brought up how insecure spoke is and how little he seems to trust mapicc when mapicc has proven his devotion over and over. Like when hes talking to jamatos grave and goes "You really thought mapicc would leave me.. and you almost got him to!" when there's really no world where mapicc willingly seperates himself from spoke like that. he would argue maybe and push spoke and leave for a little bit at max but he'd always return. and spoke doesnt trust him, still. Spoke is so caught up with his "im horrible. im the worst." that he doesn't conisder that mapicc lvoes him. spoke is so bad at love.
also "forgive" as Love yurp thats spokes god he gives confiteors to.
no one klnows spoke like mapicc does. maybe thats part of why he feels so insufficient in comparison to mapicc. Mapicc knows every worst part of him, but spoke just knows mapicc as an angel.
If I leave, somebody else will find you
But nobody else could see me
Quite as clearly as you (You, you)
Only you know, I've let only you know
THAT LAST LINE. OW??? i've let only you know.... spoke has no one else. he cannot see beyond it /ref. AGAIN, no one KNOWS spoke like mapicc does. Nobody nobody. You aren't listening. nobody. nobody nobody. mapicc is all spoke has, mapicc is his entire world. Mapicc is the endling of a species that spoke depends on or his food chain collapses. Mapicc is the only one (only one! Not jamato not ash not minute not jumper not anybody but mapicc) who can see spoke this clearly. And even then, he doesn't see it all. spoke is lonely, to say the least
(rocks slowly back and forth) ohhhhhhhh
How I ride through a tunnel
And it's dark the whole way
I ride through a tunnel
It's been dark the whole way
I ride through a tunnеl
It's still dark the whole way
Yeah youre right. spoke hole theory :pensive: Spoke just doesnt ever have goals i think like. mapicc was the goal holder. mapicc held a lot of things for spoke, and he corrected spokes vision towards their goal of staying alive and staying in love. But without mapicc spoke thinks it's beenn dark the whole way because he keeps looking at the walls of the tunnel instead of the ending. and even then, the light at the end of it seems so far and behind so so many turns. Spoke doesnt know that he can be saved.
Mapicc. Is. All. Spoke. Has.
FANTASY DISABILITY SPOKE!!! Yes it's an allegory for mental illness. okay i dunno if i misexplained or something but spoke like. okay for our purposes theres two versions of love. The standard, stereotypical love that encompasses platonic romantic sexaul-- actually. ill draw it. hang on
^This is how most people see love, this is the "normal"
^further explanation
notice how theyre all contained in pretty circles. This is because Player Centers hold and divide these things. It might sometimes feel vague what a relationship is, but deep down and codally (code-aly) their code(soul??body??) knows how they view the relationship. These can also shift and change and they're fluid, but they are still in these sections. And you might wonder, well what is beyond platonic?? what is to the left of my chart? Outside the circles? Well.
[innaccurate bc its 2d and i cant fold the model]
^Spoke is disabled. He literally has a different capacity than the normal. This happens because. Okay. The Universe makes a player, and their codal anatomy is standardized and relatively uniform; the code that holds their likes is next to the code that makes them happy. Spoke is what we call a self constructed player, basically a c-section universe birth. The Universe makes Players and it makes them with love, imbuess them with the truth of the End Poem and teaches them how to love and how to speak and people are just made with these things. Self constructed Players make themselves, and, depending what level of done they were when they broke away from the universe, they don't have the blueprints for the rest of themself. In Spoke's case, he has solid like, biology and stuff. He has a species (riftangel), he has a height parameters ('parameters' bc in this world u can change parts of urself. My way to explain skins), his body knows what shape to be. For the most part. Everything beyond that is fuzzy. The first ones and zeroes that made SpokeIsHere had to figure out what he needed and where to put thiings, so spoke doesn't have all the fancy tech that his friends do. he doesn't have mostly distinct sections of platonic romantic sexual, he doesn't have the standard and defined groups of love, because the Universe did not create his love. He has no idea how to handle it. He's special, unique, and no one has ever had the exact parameters of love that he does.
Okay. So, you ask "why can't spoke love mapicc? Where do you think the love is, if it exists? Does spoke know it exists? Does mapicc?" and these are AMAZING QUESTIONS AND I LOVE YOU.
Spoke is... hm. he's complex. he's hard. He thinks himself to be so different from every other thing because, on some level, he is.
He doesn't have the truth of the End Poem, because the Universe didn't get to imbue him with it. On some level, spoke is different, but the issue arises when he thinks that because he is different, he is bad. he thinks bc he's fundies diffies, he is seperate from the rest of the Universe. He thinks he's alone.
He is not alone. He is not seperate from every other thing.
Just because the Universe didn't get to tell him this doesn't mean it isn't true. The Universe loves Spoke, because he is love. He and his unique parameters,, are love. He is love. He is loved, and he can love others.
Spoke struggles to love mapicc, because he's attempting to speak a language he doesn't know. He's trying to love mapicc in the standard way, when he can only love mapicc in SpokeIsHere's way. Spoke can love mapicc. he does, in fact! But he's so caught up trying to flatten his 4d experience into 3d that he doesn't realize it. Spoke thinks that he is so wretchedly different, but the truth is that he's just.. different. There's no moral value to being different. In my opinion, it's fascinating but that's because im aroace and weird about love.
SO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me finally answer your questions.
Where do you think the love is?
I think spoke has tried very hard to bury anything he thinks is Different. capital d because different is BAD AHH!!
has tried to bury the difference so much so that he has actually squished himself down. Pretend that the little tail is going like upwards to symbolize consumption and intimacy. I wish i has a 3d model but alas
the love is there. but its underneath a lot of societal pressures that spoke has half forced on himself. jamatop and ashswag are ABLEIST for telling him he was meant to be a villain /silly but there's like a modicum of truth there
Does the love even exist?
Does spoke know it exists?
On some layer of himself, yeah. he knows the true form of his love deep down in his code. But he's fabricated a version so well to himself that he is profoundly aware of always that he's neglected that version. You know how the body keeps the score? Spoke's body knows how to love. His body is the one that made him love like this, after all. It keeps track of the parameters and ignores his pleas to be normal. But Spoke, the soul part of him, doesn't really know the true like, bounds of his love. Becuase it's amazing. He has so much lovespace in him and he's blocking it off from being filled
Does mapicc know it exists?
This is interesting. No. Simple answer, no. Mapicc hasnt heard of self constructed players, he can only really comprehend spoke's love in terms of the universes blueprint, because he has yet to realize there is more. I headcanon a buncha shit idk if u know what lorelocks are but basically mapicc and spoke dont remember anything outside of uu until theyve left uu, which they cant do until they lose their attachments. Offserver, off of uu, lifesteal mape knows about self constructed players, and he lets spoke love him in wtvr way spoke needs. most lifestealers do. But uu mape just doesnt know.
uu mape thought that spoke loved him in the universe blueprint's way, but he isnt sure. Becuase to him, lying is a very very clear sign of hate and being enemies. So he isn't sure. He doesn't know. It's very conflicting. He misses spoke.
Yw for lifesteal recs ^_^ HAPPY 300 :TADA: yayyy win for me!! Dude. thank you for this oppurtunity to rant i hope i didnt overwhelm you :sob: our wonderful spoke slop
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ok sooo are we doing song picks now?? bc i need to know just how much vampire by olivia rodrigo is a devious duo song 😭 i feel like it fits them pretty damn well
guys STAWPPPP YOU SPOIL MEEE :333333 The Answer Is Yes As Fuck.
because mapicc like. ugh ugh ugh ugh im dying on a sword long post under cut
the whole song is just mapicc in purgatory after breaking the chestplate. Like i tried to screenshot a part but its just the whole fucking song
POOR MAPICC RIGHT?? it gets worse
"i loved you truly.. gotta laugh at the stupidity" Oh oh ohhh sweet mapicc oh bbay oh babyyyy. AND SPOKE SUCKING MAPICC DRY OF EVERYTHING that sounds weird but u get it ksadkal
MINUTE MINUTE MINUTEEE Minute leaving spke and mapicc staying.. and not stopping spoke from the end invasion bc what could he do but go along with his partner.... and "how do you lie without flinching" is so mapicc to me because he gave his LIFE to spoke. he gave his EVERYTHING to spoke :((( and spoke just lied anyway. mapicc feels absolutely betrayed by that because like being transparent is like one of the most importantt thigns in a relationship to mapicc so its liuke. spoke cant even do that?? He sacrifieced his whole fucking life and spoke cant even do the bare minimum?
this part. mapicc feels like it was all one sided and spoke only kept mape around so that mape could be of use to spoke
THIS PART
You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard?
You can't love anyone 'cause that would mean you had a heart
mape going for a low blow. He KNEW spoke had a hard time loving people, but he just cnvinced himself that that was fine, because spoke did his best! See the image below from my webweave:
and see the quoes below from my wip fic where lifesteal spoke tries to tear his code apart and die for real:
[Jamato's section] "The longer he spends reconstructing, the more sure he is that Spoke has a giant hole in the middle of him, right where his Player Center should be. Maybe it’s where the truth of the End Poem is supposed to go, maybe it’s where love is supposed to be."
[Ash's section]
Sorry side tangent. BASICLAYY: Mapicc loves spoke and he isnt too worried if spoke doesnt express love in the same way, until it bevcomes apparent that spoke doesnt just have an inability to love mapicc in the way mapicc loves him, but actively acts like he hates mapicc (because only someone who HATES him would act so cruelly and lie so long). spoke swears it up and down that he cares about mapicc and loves him but thats IMPOSSIBLE. spoke cannot love mapicc, and him trying to act like he does is PART OF THE PROBELMM!! Spoke youre lying more!!
(I know this seems like headcanon but the lack of a player center is literally just mental illness. spoek is mentally ill.)
Mapicc loves spoke but its not enough. and he cant make himself stop. its suhc a heartbreaking fucking dichotomy because like. its obsession, in the two extremes. Mapicc cant make himself stop loving spoke, and spoke cant make himself love mapicc. LIKE DO YOU GET IT. i sound crazy. Spoke cares yeha but he cares in a nonnormal way and he thinks ppl will leave if he tries to love them like this so he tries to squish himself into 'normal' love and it just makes everything so so so SO much worse.
and so mapicc (/olivia) makes a low blow and say "you cant love anyone cuz that would mean u have a heart" and its not true, spoke COULD love people, just in a different way than normal. But spoke himself acts like its impossible to love if you arent loving like how society says you should, so mapicc is like "you cant fucking love anyone and i was so incredibly stupid to try and let you love Me". DO YOU GET IT!?!?!!?!\
NTO EVEN TO MENTION THE NEXT LINE
I tried to help you out, now I know that I can't
'Cause how you think's the kind of thing I'll never understand
MAPICC DOESNT UDNMERSTAND SPOKE!!! And he tried for TWO YEARS to convince spoke that you dont need to be perfect to be worthy of living, worthy of being loved, and then he Gave Up. he gave up. because spoke apparently wasnt even trying. And hell never understand.
OAKY IM SORRY FOR THE GENUINE YAP HURRICANE I JUST. olivia..... Anon for your horrific rec i offer you Peonies For Breakfast by LAUSSE THE CAT. it's about how spoke thinks hes so fundies diffies (fundamnetally different) from every other thing so he doesnt deserve love and mapicc shouldnt love him because mapicc has sucha beautiful worldview
literally thank you so much for putting in so much work to answer my questions!!! i was not expecting a diagram 😭 it is genuinely so appreciated tho. and i saw the other person who recommended i’m your man and was like damn i wasn’t the first to come up with that one lol /lh i have a few thoughts on what you said:
- “the fact that spoke loves mapicc is what dooms mapicc.” isn’t love being the cause of doom the main theme of uu? wifies loves parrot enough that it turns him into the director and gets him killed, wemmbu loves egg enough to keep him around and it gets egg kidnapped many times, flame loves lomedy enough to let him leave because he understands the importance of individuality (healthiest duo in the series…)
- “Mapicc is the endling of a species that spoke depends on or his food chain collapses.” so what i’m hearing is that spoke is the predator and mapicc is the prey… thinking really hard about this one 👀 what predator is spoke and what prey is mapicc i need to know
- idk how you even made the connection of the player centers (i was trying to remember what it was called and my brain came up with “soul hole” somehow 😭) but it is so cool,, the end poem being the foundation of life is so interesting. the aroace-ness of it all… he’s just like me for real :( i like the implication of understanding the different types of love being like. a genetic thing kinda. like in a “born with it” type of way. the way the misunderstanding of love and the fundiff thing and the wanting to be good thing all coexist because of the universal deviation of self-constructed players is very autism coded. again, just like me. you said spoke trying to love mapicc is like trying to speak a language he doesn’t know, and i think that applies to a lot of other areas of his life too. it’s not just love that makes him confused, it’s morality and empathy and power and so much more.
- i have another idea, walk with me in my mind palace. the end poem is the basis of life, what players accept as truth because it is wired into them with code. a written text people believe in…sort of like a bible… are you picking up what i’m putting down. what if the average Universe-constructed player believes in the Universe like a god. you described self-constructed players as having “broken away” from the universe. what if those are fallen angels. what if spoke is a fallen angel. spoke being villainized by the the Universe believers on unstable because he strayed from the Universe in his creation. spoke not understanding the end poem because it was never wired into his code and being looked down upon because of it. yet another way he is fundamentally different from everyone on the server. skiter am i making sense. you mentioned spoke as a rift angel and i have no clue what that is but like. fallen angel spoke… (sorry i grew up christian and the religious trauma brainworms appeared out of nowhere)
- i get so excited when i see long posts lol you never overwhelm me!! if anything i worry i overwhelm you, i know my questions can be a lot to chew on. the english student in me can’t help but dissect things as much as possible. i also cannot wait for ur 300 tumblrinas/1000 ao3 comments celebration fic :3
-🌟
Rowannn o//// YES my diagram. Well I wanted to explain it well!! ^_^ YAY.
YES YES YES YOUG OT IT BRUH. Theo um parrot puts him in danger by being a guard dog. i think its interesting abt torchflowers also cuz like. most of the protags quickly attach to their deuters, but flame doesnt really care about lomedy for a bit because hes caught up with his Strongest On The Server bs. and theyre the least lovedoomed duo hmmm.
I didn't explicitly mean predator prey but i accept that also :eyes: I was thinking more like. like how plankton make oxygen for us. Or how like. like imagine spoke is a mouse who lives in undergrowth, and mapicc is a wolf who kills big mammoths. If mapicc leaves, the mammoths walk over the land and turn it into something more like a plains w/ less cover. u get it. BUT If spoke is the hunter and mapicc is the hunted, then they might be human x wolf. hear me out. spoke as a hunter bc getting food is rlly important for humans right, and spoke doesnt think hismelf as a player(a human), so its sick and twisted to put him into the hunter role. ALSO hunters are seen as "cruel". Spoke kills mapicc to live but then he's out of wolves to eat.... MMM!! Or spoek as someone who hunts endangered species for sport.... many things to consider
SOUL HOLE LMAO. I made the connection bc like. i have one concept about spoke hole theory, and one about the universe loving you, so i mixed them. Fun! THE AROACENESS OF IT ALL </3. I think aroace ppl in this world just have shallower capacities in the sections of their body that hold "romance" and "sexual". Or like they have tighter valves and the love has to be intense for it to get romantic. its all a spectrum. HES JUST LIKE US FR!!!! The lack of a player center is so mental illness. I LOVE FANTASY DISABILTY :FIRE:
i like the implication of understanding the different types of love being like. a genetic thing kinda. like in a “born with it” type of way. the way the misunderstanding of love and the fundiff thing and the wanting to be good thing all coexist because of the universal deviation of self-constructed players is very autism coded.
You won't guess what disorders i have bruh... we're not so differnet u and i... YES!! Ughh that feeling that you were born lacking something that everyone else has... or, in typical hole theory fashion, you have a sadness that is supposed to be removed at birth.... UGH!!! You get me rowan u get me
you said spoke trying to love mapicc is like trying to speak a language he doesn’t know, and i think that applies to a lot of other areas of his life too. it’s not just love that makes him confused, it’s morality and empathy and power and so much more.
Girl with aspd: i don't know how to be normal and i act strangely
^hes the girl with aspd btw. i dont have that
We have to kill you. Okay. okay okay okay okay putting all of that aside-- Yeah! The believing in the universe is a religion. I will say that it's real, maybe not to the personificated version some ppl believe, but what i've said in tumblr asks so far is real. The universe loves you. The universe makes you. you are the universe. Diff ppl believe in different aspects of it to differnet degrees- just like real religions! Also jesus christ was real and he's like herobrine but goodhearted so that's why the exclamation "jesus christ!" works.
You call the end poem a written text and ehhhh?? It isn't. There's. It's code. you know the scrambled text in it?? that's how it feels. the End Poem isn't really a poem, its just called that. The End Poem is an experience. you beat the enderdragon and it's not really two voices, it's not really two colors of text, its not really two fonts, it's two beings. you cant even call them beings. its two feelings. two vibes. Two vibes and you know theyre talking to each other because there is a vibe-eral exchange. emotions and like weighted air(air?? where are you? weighted void? just weighted nothing????). There is a conversation, very much so, and you know what they're saying because its your parent talking in your native language, even though you haven't practiced that language since you were a very little kid. Why are there two "voices"?? How can one have a conversation with themself? Well, you're here, right? And you're basically just your mom but in a different body. The universe can talk to her/his/its/their/ourself because it's everything. She/he/it/they/we want for you to be able to comprehend it.
RIFTANGELS. so everything in the universe balances out. everything. sunlight and sundark, heavy and light, hot and cold, love and hate, full and empty, everything and nothing, kinetic and potential, angels and devils-- Um wait. That last one?? BASCIALLY DEVILS ARENT THE OPPOSITE OF ANGELS. Thats some bullshit some random a while ago made up, like the study on wolf packing behaviors. the real opposites are this thing called riftangels. Angels (im workingshopping a long name for them. stitchangels? Opposite of a rift is a closure) can heal, and riftangels can hurt. An angel leans on their friend/person they want to heal, and uses excess energy in the air (because the universe loves them) to heal the person. Inversely, a riftangel grabs their enemy/person they want to hurt, and uses excess energy in the air (because the universe loves them too) to hurt the person. Riftangel effect is kinda a wither, angel effect is like regen. or maybe sat?? Idk yet. but u get it.
THIS IS IMPORTNAT!!! This part is important: Spoke thinks that being an opposite is bad. he thinks being one of the opposites that is like-- yk how there's no such thing as physical cold, there's no "cold" particle, it's just a lack of heat? A lack of particle collision?? That's a 'negative opposite'. darkness, light(weight), cold, hate, emptiness, nothing, potential, riftangels. Take a quote from my magnum opus fic:
"Spoke is not something intentional. His species is not meant to even exist really, and the only reason he does is because an angel looked into the void some 10 to the eightieth years ago and saw its reflection. Spoke is the rubble of an accident– there was a positive without a negative, a direct relationship without the inverse relationship, something impossible; he's basically a big electron. He was created to be the mirror of some angel, so that when the universe wraps itself in a hug, and everything runs a count of itself, the number of angels and their opposites cancel each other out, and the everything's tally amounts to a total net nothing.
Spoke, for all that he tries to break free of the universe, is only a part of it. He is a culmination of life and death, but even with all the effort of Things to exist; he is not worth anything."
(right after this spoke says he is esp not worthy of mapicc. the fic is so good i wont quote anymore bc i want it to be experienced spoilerfree)
Essentially. To your idea about players alienating him for being werid-- dont even worry! hes done that to himself!! Definitely tho other players at best think he's a little odd and at worst think hes a freak. Again, neurodivergent feeling of Missing Something and the way Everyone Else knows too... Ohhhhhhhh. I write like this because i was the animal who was almost human but not quite human enough to be a person close to other people. But now i live with the other animals so life is good o7
dw!! Your questions dont overwhelm me in a bad way i prommy, i just take a few days to answer bc i need to ponder and i procrastinate on putting words together LOL
I FEEL KINDA BAD THO cause for every question or idea you pose i feel like i sound like "im five steps ahead you fool... useles..." I HOPE YOU DONT THINK THAT i dont mean it like that i promise i love getting these asks its an excuse to yap and i love hearing your takes and going "I THOUGHT THE SAME THING!!! THATS TWIN!!". I'm not professionally an english student but its more of a mental outlook, so the english student in US!! And yes hehehehh... heh heh heh... my 300 tumblrinas 300 twitling and 1k ao3 comments fic... which will be the 50th fic in the mcyt collection on ao3!! AH!!
HAAAAA Skiter what are you DOING to me 😭😭 I'm actually obsessed with your Player Centers headcanon (??). It's SOOOOO interesting and now I desperately wanna read a fic built around ittttt 😭😭 like REALLY badly. What am I supposed to do now... it's completely lodged itself in my brain.
Massive respect to you for coming up with such incredible analyses of characters as complicated as Spoke. Seriously.Thank u
is this rowan or a mystery person.. WHOEEVR YOU ARE YESSS THANK YOUUU >.< I actually have a fic around it... spoke tries to kill himself by tearing apart his own code-- most players cant access their own code. jamatop is a codeholder which is explained in my fnafic abt instincts. snippets
^jamato
^planet
^mape
thank you than kyou AHASHYFAGHJSFAKF its because im mentally ill abut sppoe
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