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january 23, 2020
hello hello and a happy new year :D
well I wasn’t consistent at all with my productivity posts
but(t) I’ll just try again, now that my thesis has officially begun
deadline is june 17th
made some sense of the code structure
read a new paper on acyclic motion
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Monday 30th October - This is the view from my window, I have no lecture today just a seminar on our bibliography. I’m reading and annotating Beowulf for Thursday and then looking over the deadlines and homework I have in my planner. London is really beautiful in the autumn, something about the cold, biting air makes me feel content.
la la la long ramble below :~)
i have actually gone over my finances for the first time in forever, had the headspace to start writing again, yesterday i did some of my dishes, put fresh sheets on my bed, took a shower, coconut oiled up my hair, did a face mask... i can’t believe it took me so long to realise i was doing the wrong thing now that ive finally decided that i want to do smth else i can BREATHE again my shoulders are less tense i get out of bed when i wake up instead of moping around and napping for hours.... i just went outside for a walk grabbed a coffee sat in the sun, i feel soooo much better, i feel capable again, i have the headspace to sit down and read a book GOD i missed this. i am so so lucky to have the friends i have because they support me and this decision unconditionally in the most lovely way, they’ve helped me so much during this process, my sister and that whole side of my family have been absolute angels, i can’t believe i’ve been so narrow minded, set on this idea of becoming something that just isn’t me. i completely forgot who i was these past two and a half years, i lost so much energy, creativity and inspiration, i get sad for myself looking back. of course part of this has to do with my mental health and of course i will take these struggles with me always, but i finally realised that the lack of motivation i’ve felt had a lot to do with the subject, and how it just wasn’t right for me. it didn’t challenge and build me up, it completely crushed me and my sense of self, i have been rotting away incapable of doing the most basic things for myself, and i knew something had to change and now i know it wasn’t me, it wasn’t just my brain being too dumb for this, science is just not where my strengths lie, and i know that i’ll have to continue to work on my executive dysfunction, but being a med student made me not want to even try, and that’s how i know i have to go with my gut, go pursue things i am actually talented in, and cut myself some slack. i felt like typing this out now that my decision has been made, and if anyone can relate or wants to chat my inbox is always open. click that like if u read through all this lmao thanks!!
november 15th, 2019
worked out how to run a virtual machine
went to uni
planned out my weekend and food plans
did grocery shopping
⋆ june update ⋆
oops i've been very busy and not updating here at all hhh, so here's a little recap on what i have been up to:
did lights for a student theater show, very fun very cool
started t !!
did a bunch of exams, i'm pretty much done now for the spring/summer (except for the little extra thing for my komi course)
went to my first ifusco, a really cool experience and i'm excited for next year's conference
got my own bow and been practicing archery for a while now
we'll see when the next update will be, not much happening study-wise but i'll probably try to post about other stuff in the meantime hh
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⋆late february update ⋆
tea of the day: sakura from teeletti - green tea with cherry flavoring and rose petals
uni studies: almost caught up on estonian, stressed about my english course but having fun with the translation one
own studies: had to take a little time off bcs i was getting exhausted, back in it now and doing well :)
life: starting hrt soon if all goes well !! very excited
->-> next goal: finish the big essay for the english course
Uni diary 1
Hey so I’ve been here 3 weeks now! I’ve lost weight, made great friends, only slept in my bed sober for like 3 nights, jumped in a pond, had to buy a new phone because I jumped in the pond with my phone in my pocket and it was so damaged It couldn’t be fixed and get to learn about some of my favourite artists.
It’s crazy because my lectures keep saying to me that I’m officially part of the music industry now and it just doesn’t feel real. I miss home a lot I miss my dog and the comfort of my bed but apart from that it’s been going ok.
It’s only jusy starting really it’s Sunday as I’m writing this making it 3 weeks since I moved in. It’s cozy in my room. I got a new plant, she’s called Sandra and she’s beautiful.
I’ll try and post my uni diary’s more often it’s helping me kinda process it all. It’s very overwhelming and I’ve cried too times than I would like to admit but that’s ok. Two of my best friends are at the same uni, one of which I never met until the day i moved in and the other who I’ve spent multiple nights laying in bed with talking about my problems and listening to his so it brings a lot of familiarity.
I also got tickets for AM! So now I’m seeing both the 1975 and AM next year which feels surreal I never thought that would happen.
- syd
I’m about to move into uni and I’m super scared so ima use this to document my emotions and shit so yeh
Uni diary is gonna be a new segment on my tumblr now
