#ungroan

My Story

Warning: This is really long, thank you in advance if you read the entire thing..

#AsianInvasion was created as a separate movement to #yellowout, #whiteout, and #allout. It was made with respect to BlackOut and not made as a "Asian people deserve recognition too!" Instead, it is intended to be a social movement with the key idea of spreading stories regarding the oppression of Asian people and destroying the idea that we are all the same. I fully support BlackOut and sincerely hope that this is not seen as the Asian community trying to take away the impact of BlackOut day

Background information:

Chinese | 16 | A/Demisexual Biromantic

I almost missed #asianinvasion because I’ve been revising for GCSEs and it’s past midnight so I’m sorry for any mistakes (or if it doesn’t make sense) but anyway, here we go; my story is not really a story, there is no definite beginning or ending. You could say it begins at my birth and ends with my death, but it doesn’t, not really. Systematic oppression against “Asian” people starts way before my existence and will most likely end beyond my life. But in the 16 years that I’ve been alive, here is an idea of what it’s been like for me..

1) When I was in primary school, at the most impressionable stage of my life, some of the other students would pick on me, saying I smelt like chips or takeaway food. I knew for a fact I never smelt of chips or anything else related to deep fryers, but it made me doubt myself and it made me ashamed. Ashamed? Yes, ashamed of my parents, even though they had given up everything (including their home and family) in the hope of a better life for me in England. Ashamed of their hard work and determination to set their child (and eventually their other child) on a better path and ashamed that they had found a place to work and live that was typical of people in Chinese families in England.

2) The constant “ching chang ching chong” jokes, stupid stupid stupid. I have gotten random strangers approach me saying “ni hao” and spouting random gibberish in an attempt to replicate my language. It has made me self conscious and scared to speak my mother tongue in public; restraining the practice to only within my household which eventually meant that my linguistic skills slowly decreased and I now consider English my first language and think and speak in English.

3) People who try to get me to speak “Chinese” because it’s a party trick; like I am a circus monkey. First of all, there are over 200 dialects in China and secondly, I semi-fluently speak one of those dialects (Cantonese) and can manage phrases in another (Mandarin). I feel weird speaking Chinese out of my home environment (even towards other Asian people who can also speak my language) due to the stares and the “excitement” I know will come from it. There is also, of course, the slight dread and embarrassment when someone eventually mocks you for it.

4) I was laughed at for my traditions and food preferences. “I love Chinese takeaway”, but you don’t like it when I bring food into school for lunch? “Chop suey is so nice” Did you know that chop suey doesn’t exist? “Ewwww what is that?” Is my authentic food too real for you? Just because you are not used to something does not mean it’s abnormal. After many jokes of “Do you eat dog?” and “I bet you eat cats”, it eventually feels like anything you could possibly eat is disgusting and inhuman (for the record, I would never eat cat, dog or anything else too far past the main meats).

5) Appropriation. After 16 years of bullying and misunderstanding, it’s hard to see others dressed in qipaos/cheongsams or traditional “oriental” designs because it’s fashionable or because it’s cute. We, as actual “Asians” have been mocked and laughed at for our own cultures but as soon as it’s worn by a white person (or otherwise idk) it’s suddenly “pretty”, “beautiful”, “trendy”. You do not understand the cultural connotations linked to traditional wear or food. You do not understand the significance within our culture. And you probably think it’s a kimono… which leads me on to my final point.

6) The meaning behind being “Asian”. Asia is a continent. Asia has 48 countries. They are all massively different and although some may have some cultural links, we. are. not. the. same. Anime is Japanese. Manhua is Chinese. Kpop stars are not a representation of the entire of East Asia. We do not speak the same language. And no, that symbol on the package is /not/ Chinese.