#undoubtably

Undoubtably

You hate me

And I love you

But deep down inside

thank you friend 💜 full disclosure I haven't written in months, but I'm trying not to over think things and maybe just the process of posting this will help me get over my writer's block

77. arsonist lullaby - hozier

pairing: julia ortega/f!sidestep (cynthia basri) warnings: allusion to sexy times and some suicidal ideation words: 300

You have to remind yourself that you have a mission. Something bigger than yourself, bigger than you and her. So many things that need to come crashing down, there has to be collateral damage, and you didn't care when you figured it would just be you.

You were hoping it would be you. A light at the end of the tunnel of getting through each day. A reprieve from every memory which haunted you, from the prison of your hated flesh.

It's hard to hate it now with Julia pressed against you, hands making lazy circles on your back, warm and real and pressing you close to press a kiss to your temple, hunting in the dark to find your cheek, the tip of your nose, your lips.

It was so much easier before she found you and made you real again. Not just a ghost with a mission, the fire of retribution driving you forward, but a person once again.

You can feel the flames flickering, smothered under her caress, hands weighty and sure on your skin.

You wish you could let her. Let her smother the flames, wish that you give up and let yourself just bask in her warmth.

You pull back, letting the empty night air fill the space between your bodies. Pull back and slip out of the bed even as her hands reach out to pull you back.

She was your sun once. Filling your sky and your life with her stupid smug grin and laugh. But then you spent years in places the sun can't reach, it was only your fire, your mission which kept you alive.

The day will come when she learns the truth, and you'll need your fire then, even if in the end it leaves you in ashes.