Sehun stepped out onto the balcony, fingers shoved warmly inside the pockets of his jacket. There was a faint tune coming from his phoneâs speaker -- a mellow track that heâd been listening to for a week straight now. It wasnât surprising that the male had found solace somewhere in the music -- he was an idol, after all. He thoroughly enjoyed it.
Resting his elbows over the balconyâs ledge, the male peered out into the city with troublesome thoughts clouding over him. It was so hard for the male to even gather them himself. Despite all those around him doing all that they could, he seemed to be fighting his own battle this time around. It wasnât necessarily a feeling of loneliness, but more of feeling like he was too much or too little at times. And he had wanted nothing more than to put a stop to that -- to put down his guard and just live life comfortably. Heâs always been more on the emotional side, and that was something that many people (and fans) seemed to catch on quickly after knowing Sehun for a certain period of time. Does he invest too much? Too little? Sehun would always struggle with this idea. There were so many things he missed, so many things he wanted, so many things that he could never say.
Life really didnât wait for anyone, he noticed. If you were unhappy, it didnât slow down for you until you were ready to get back up. And if you were happy, time passed by way too quickly for your liking. Sometimes the male just wishes he could go back and fix all the problems heâs ever made; all the slip ups heâs ever done, whether it was on stage or off it. But then, how would that teach him anything? We learn through our mistakes, after all. As difficult as life was, or is, it would be okay. Eventually, it would. The optimist inside of him was slowly finding his way through.
His nimble fingers fumbled with the lighter that was settled somewhere inside his pocket, itching for a fix that he hadnât had in a long time. The music had long been shut off, and Sehun was lost in his thoughts once more. Without much more of a hesitation, the male brought out his freshly purchased carton of Esse Lights, placing a stick between his lips. Flicking on the lighter, the male lit up in his silence; lungs inhaling the bitter fumes that came along with it. A small smile settled onto his lips at the nostalgic feeling the cigarette brought onto him. Not one of his best ideas, but an idea nonetheless. Yeah. Everythingâll be okay.