#unacceptance

So... Im a bisexual trans boy.

Earlier i was forced into coming out as bisexual Because my parents found some love notes claiming i was gay because they were being horrible parents and were looking through my stuff while i was in school.

My dad reacted... Better then i thought. He wasnt mad or angry. Just disappointed, and gently saying he won't accept it, but he still loves me.

My mom however... Is being a complete dick.

"You're being selfish."

"You're making the wrong choice. You should be following Gods plan for your life."

"You're too young and don't understand."

And a lot of other shitty things to convince me I'm straight... I feel horrible. More depressed then i have in a long time. My thoughts are bad, and dark. I dunno what to do....

You look for monsters Hiding under their beds To make them feel safe. You sing them to sleep To take away the bad dreams. 

You’d do anything To make them love home. 

But what if you were the monster? The Big Bad Wolf? Or the Evil Witch Locking them up in the tower, Taking away their freedom To think And to love? 

What if it was you Hiding under their beds? Waiting for the kill when they least expect it? 

What if the bad dreams stayed  Because even you cannot sing away  The destruction you caused? 

Maybe you just never realized.  You thought it was protection When all they needed Was protection From you. 

They just wanted love; The love you said They would always have from you No matter what. 

Well maybe it’s time You listened, And showed that promised love. It’s time you changed into Beauty instead of the Beast. 

21Aug17

Mom is reacting badly. Lots of ugliness getting thrown around in regards to my marriage. Needless to say, I’m pissed.

She’s hurting, she’s processing. I’m trying to be understanding of that. But after all the years of her insisting she’s all for being an ally, the courtesy does not extend to me. The people I was most worried about how they would react (TSUs parents) wound up being the most accepting, while my own mother told me point blank that I would NEVER be her son. My heart hurts so much.

In later news, my aunt got in touch with me this morning and let me know that she and my uncle and cousin are behind me 100%. It was so wonderful to hear in light of Mom’s meltdown. Almost painful, since it highlighted the fact Mom is so unaccepting of this, but beautiful still. My aunt and uncle called this evening and talked with me for a while. They asked questions and gave positive and encouraging feedback and were just all around good about me going through this. They said they love me and that they are proud of me, and want me to keep them posted about what I am getting up to. My uncle kept saying “Wow, man, you are so brave, I am so proud of you, I just can’t even imagine….” Y'know, the kinda stuff one would want from a parent.