#ugh stop

When Remus Lupin was bitten by a werewolf at the grand old age of four, he remembered wondering if he would ever fall in love.

As an avid reader, well above the standard of kids his age, the little brown-haired boy had grown up with sticks as swords and bedsheets for capes, as magical fantasies played out in his head of fighting dragons and falling in love.

He dreamed of how he would win the heart of his charming conquest, and marry them, become the loving husband from the happily ever after.

At four years old, little lonely Remus Lupin didn’t see why it was wrong that he wanted to be called “husband”… by his own husband.

But what did worry the new werewolf was his intimate knowledge of all the fairytales he had ever read; not once had the sharp-toothed, scarred monster ever fallen in love.

They were the ones who were slain valiantly.

***

Years went by, and fatigue wore into his bones. Pain streaked his figure, and teenage Lupin abandoned all hopes of the mythical world he had imagined for himself as a kid.

Not only did the happily ever after fade from existence in his mind, but so did that of being a hero, and most importantly, having a husband.

Remus John Lupin was a man, and men did not have husbands. In amongst the agonising pain of every month’s transition, and its ensuing effects over the following weeks, the scarred boy found that the most excruciating.

Even more torturous were the grey eyes and long, curly hair of one of his best friends, who haunted his dreams in ways that the teenager swore himself to secrecy over.

Sirius Black was off limits; in the future, he would find a beautiful wife, and be another’s good husband. Remus Lupin simply had to wait to be slain.

***

War is a funny thing.

Whilst everyone was fighting, no one noticed the secret rendezvous of best friends. And as pale unmarred skin clutched at scarred, tan skin, no one batted an eye. No one had a free eye to bat, on the lookout as they were for death.

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black made up their own fantasy for a while.

The prince in the tower, refusing to battle the monster.

The monster keening for the prince’s unexpected love.

The prince whispering promises of future marriage, kissing the smattering of freckles on the monster’s face, as it gazed up at him with undying adoration.

The monster wondering if the word “husband” would sound so sweet rolling off anyone else’s tongue.

Remus Lupin was a monster, he knew he was, but he wondered if that hope was more monstrous than the claws his prince called beautiful.

***

This wasn’t how the fairytales went.

The prince had died.

The monster was left whining.

The world kept traitorously spinning.

The word “husband” crumbled to ash in his fanged mouth.

***

Remus Lupin married, but he never became a husband again.

And when the monster was slain, hand in hand with his loving wife, he embraced death with a challenging snarl.

transcript

picture 1

[kaylynn] knox, was it?

[knox] yeah. kaylynn, right?

[kaylynn] yes. um, so everybody left and i don't have a car.

[knox] you need a ride?

[kaylynn] that'd be nice, yeah. *laughs awkwardly*

[knox] i'll be ready in a second.

[kaylynn] thank you.

[knox] no problem.

picture 2

[knox] you and i are part of a rare club, kaylynn.

[kaylynn] yeah? the one where we have shit friends who ditch us?

[knox] well yeah, there's that, but there's also the one where we were both on our own. no place to call home. that club.

picture 3

[kaylynn] you were homeless?

[knox] at fifteen.

[kaylynn] damn. i didn't know. nobody said anything when i mentioned it.

[knox] that's because they don't know.

[kaylynn] you didn't tell them? why not?

picture 4

[knox] you saw the way cecelia acted when you told her. i'd garner unwanted attention from people who act like they care.

[kaylynn] they seemed genuine.

[knox] trust me. they aren't.

picture 5

[kaylynn] and how do I know you are?

[knox] know I am what?

[kaylynn] genuine. you say 'trust me', but how can i if i don't know you?

[knox] you can't. see my point?

picture 6

[kaylynn] give me that.

picture 7

[kaylynn] you talk about trust like it's so important yet you don't seem to have very much of it.

[knox] i don't. that's why i find it extremely important.

[kaylynn] and why is that?

[knox] i told you. i was homeless at fifteen. hard to trust people when they turn their back on you.

picture 8

[knox] look, i know i seem off-putting, but i just like to know who I'm dealing with before i let them in.

[kaylynn] and how long have you known carmen and bee?

[knox] ten years. give or take a few.

[kaylynn] and you still don't let them in?

[knox] carmen knows. she's the only one I've told.

picture 9

[kaylynn] that makes a lot of sense.

[knox] how so?

[kaylynn] makes sense why she offered to let me move in. why she invited me and left me here. she's been through the same thing with someone else. she doesn't expect me to go to therapy. she left me here to talk to you.

picture 10

[knox] that was a shit plan. i'm a terrible therapist.

[kaylynn] *laughs* she knows that. hell, i know that. but i didn't need therapy. couldn't even afford it if i wanted it. i needed community. she saw right through me.

[knox] you think so?

[kaylynn] yeah, i do.

picture 11

[knox] carmen's like that. you'll know you for a day and it's like she's known you for a lifetime. she gets inside your head and makes you do stupid things.

[kaylynn] like what?

[knox] care.

[kaylynn] about?

[knox] people. her. you.

[kaylynn] you just met me.

[knox] i'm talking you know, aren't i?