#ugghghhhhhhhhh

sometimes i feel there's not point going to school for an art degree, because as an artist i never create anything worth anything. the only people who say im any good are my family, and occasionally my friends, but the only friends who typically say anything "cant draw" and the friends that can literally don't say anything about it.

and even better, the art i prefer and have more fun making and spend more time on is digital art, but im significantly better looking at a dude and fucking pastel-in g the crap outta that paper, but i hate drawing realism and i hate pastels and i hate paint and the only reason im a graphic design major is so i can use the only skills i have to do something i sort of enjoy but im not good at it so ill never make any money so there's literally no point

it's really freaking disheartening when i try really hard on something and then it's a piece of shit when it's literally what im trying to spend the rest of my life doing especially when i used to be one of the best and ive just slowly degraded into barely okay and i don't know what happened

i used to be the smart kid

and the kid that was good at drawing

i used to have straight teeth and i wasn't fat until those stupid pills

i used to be active and productive and now all i do is sit around and be useless and i dont understand what happened i used to be so awesome and outgoing i was brave and i didn't take any shit from anyone but now im so freaking pathetic im scared of everything i cant handle being alone i get really nervous talking to people and i can't even understand half the things i hear people say

like oh that's a funny joke? hahaha i don't get it until literally 5 minutes after we're onto a different topic

i used to be so smart and i always knew everything, whether it was what we were learning or just fucking useless trivia and now i can barely remember whether or not ive eaten something

which is ridiculous because i eat like 24/7

i dont know what happened or when it happened whatever it was

but im just so done sometimes i can't even function properly.

all i want to do is sleep and not do anything