#two-mamas

That’s right.

Are we crazy? Probably.

It took Amber exactly 62 days to forget pregnancy + childbirth + exhaustion (even though that part is current and forever).

And then those words came. What if we tried at the end of the year? All pregnancies are different, right? We can do this again, i think. Before i’m 30?

But this time of course, it will look very different. She’s (maybe) returning to work this Fall. I’m starting an RN degree next year and that means i’ll have to go down to part time with work, but still basically be gone every single day (some weekends, too). Which also means we won’t be moving to Portland until I graduate in 2019, which also means we will have to find a bigger space to rent, which also means she may have to go back to work after maternity leave for a bit.

The idea is that when I graduate and (hopefully) start a job, she’ll stay home for good- or until she opens up the craft coffee/cocktail bar of her dreams.

So many plans. I’m never not going to be busy. I have fears of not getting enough time in with her, with Kohen, with the babies. Not being present enough. Not handling it well. But i also have always wanted to do this. Two under two. I’ve also always wanted like 3+ kids, some via adoption later on. At the end of the day, i always find time for my family. We can make it work, and will if we choose to move forward with these plans.

And we know it could end up not working out. We know our minds can change. And that’s okay, too. I’ve had enough of an infertility battle that i’ve stopped expecting much. I’m having another surgery at some point this year, and so, i’m kind of retired for good at this whole baby making thing. It’s ultimately up to her.

I feel like this past weekend changed a lot for me. For us. I’m not wasting time anymore. I’m not afraid to go after what I want, and i never have been. But i was afraid for a moment. And i just can’t be. We can’t let this shit tear us down. We have a right to have the family we desire. We have the knowledge and love to raise these children to be better, to know better, to do better.

• f o u r • w e e k s •

>> (finally) up to his big brother’s birth weight of 7lbs 13.5 ounces. that’s nearly two pounds gained despite latching issues.

>> he’s still eating every two hours each night, but this last week he’s given us a few three hour stretches so here’s to hoping that trend continues.

>> super alert + loves when his brother reads to him. he grunts and coos playfully to communicate and rarely cries unless he’s overdue for a feeding.

>> he’s had both tongue and lip tie corrections, which broke our hearts - but helped his latch and weight gain issues tremendously. //seriously if you don’t like what your pediatrician has to say, go see someone else because they may be full of shit. also, if a doctor won’t do a procedure unless you leave the room- leave the office with your baby and go elsewhere. you have patient rights, they work for you.

We assembled an Ikea crib today + survived (barely). This room is nowhere near complete, but it’s getting there.