#two-fer-one

The Daily Express letters page: absolutely peak 100% “yer da’s taking the divorce well” energy, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

“...I know you’re in there...”

We’ve got a Prime Minister voted in by less than 0.5% of the population, who once referred to “cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies”, a Foreign Secretary who didn’t realise the Dover-Calais link was important for trade and a Home Secretary who once called for the reintroduction of the death penalty, held dodgy meetings with foreign politicians while lying about being on holiday and who’s generally politically somewhere to the right of Darth Vader but, y’know, we have to focus on those really big priorities...

Sometimes it’s just a privilege to watch minds like this at work, sharing red-hot political insights with the rest of us. Amazing.

TRANSLATION: “We watched a TV show the other day and there were WOMEN in charge of things! What about the men? WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?!?!? Waaaaah! Waaaaaah!” (many thanks to Ashles3000 for sending in that second one)

‪BRIGHT, BOLD NEW FUTURE: Blue passports, adequate food, innovative jams, carcinogenic shampoo and right-hand drive golf carts for all! Huzzah! ‬

‪For some others, it’s a manual. ‬

“The rot set in when they let the newsreaders appear on TV without wearing dinner jackets. It’s been all downhill from there.“