#twd crack

Not to make twd a messy teen drama (s11 made it worse than that so I think I can say anything at this point) but I would’ve found it hilarious if Carol and Negan hooked up a few times and when Daryl found out it sent him into crazzzzyyyyy jealous frenzy. Negan would revel in the drama and Carol would be all like “what the fuck is your problem, you don’t own me, we’re not together,” and Daryl would have to finally admit how he feels.

Goofy Drunk off her ass Carol is something I need

Because we know she’s got some naughty sense of humor that we absolutely do not see enough of (girl is a freak. I know it. You know it. Ezekiel and Tobin know it. Daryl will hopefully eventually know it)

My sassy, naughty little goofball with absolutely no inhibition lmao. Just being a lil pervert and flirting shamelessly with Daryl who’s doing his best to keep an eye on her but she’s unknowingly torturing him.

—-

Carol laying there on the ground: I know Daryl’s dick is big. I know it. I know it’s big. Oh god..my heart hurts.

Daryl: ...who are you talking to..?

Carol: God. Do you mind?

—-

Daryl: why the hell are ya on the floor?

Carol: don’t tell me how to live my life, Daryl Dixon.

Daryl: you can’t get up can you?

Carol: of course I can

Daryl: hm

Carol: ...no, I can’t. Please help me up.

—

Daryl: you shouldn’t drink so fast

Carol: what are you? THE DRunK POLIce? Are you gonna frisk next? Handcuff me? ...bend me over a police car and-

Daryl: not gonna lie I’m questioning every minute you’ve spent alone with Rick now

—

Carol: there’s only one seat I want in this room and it’s right there.

Daryl: ..ya want me to get up?

Carol: *points at his face* no, that one right there

Daryl: *confused spluttering*

Carol: or there *points at his crotch* I’m not picky. :)

—

Carol: I miss it..I miss it so much, Daryl

Daryl perking up thinking she might be finally opening up to him: ..miss what?

Carol: my vibrator :(

Daryl: ....

Carol: it’s been 10 years but..

Daryl: ...

Carol: I still miss it every single day

Daryl: ...

Carol: it was a good vibrator. Got me through my orgasmless marriage..rip you wonderful little vibrating purple dick you..

Daryl with his face in his hands: fucking Christ

—

Carol: there’s nothing going on between me and Daryl

Negan: you’re sitting on his lap

Carol: ...I sit on everyone’s laps. Platonically.

Negan: alright come on over here-

Daryl growling and wrapping his arms around her middle: No.

—

Carol: I don’t usually drink because I might say things I shouldn’t

Daryl: pfft you already do that

Carol .. to you

Daryl, his heart skipping a beat: ..yeah? Like what?

Carol cupping his face in her hands: your arms are one of the seven natural wonders of this world

Daryl: oh..uh...what happened to the one I replaced?

Carol: gone

Daryl: gone?

Carol: *petting his biceps* so gone.

—

Carol: *sprawling out across Daryl’s lap* so, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna try.

Daryl with the utmost softness: Good. That’s all I’m askin’ of ya.

Carol: you’re the one I tell. *gently taps his nose* You.

Daryl: Yep. I’m here for ya.

Carol: okay here goes nothing

Daryl: ...

Carol: Im in love with you and have been for 10 goddamn years. I also want to ride you like a horse.

Daryl weakly as he tries to wrap his head around both of those statements: ...fuck, okay. Shit. Uh..That’s a..good start but can we try to..spread out the telling next time?!

—

Carol: lets play a game

Daryl: fine, tell me somethin’ I don’t know bout you?

Carol: No gag reflex

Daryl: you’re fuckin’ killing me here, Carol. Is that what ya want? To kill me? Because you are.

—

Carol: I’m going to be 100% honest with you from here on out

Daryl: Good. How are you feeling?

Carol: Horny. You?

Daryl: .... me too

—

Carol: maybe it’s because I’ve been in love with you for 10 fucking years, Daryl.

Daryl: wait what?

Carol: I....I wasn’t talking to you.

Daryl: Carol, I’m the only one here. You were lookin’ me in the eyes while you said it. You said my name.

Carol: I was talking to that...ghost behind you. Meryl. God I love you, Meryl.

Daryl: .... *sighs*

——-

Carol: lets go on a road trip

Daryl: New Mexico?

Carol: no, everywhere.

Daryl, humoring her: whole country huh? What are we gonna do?

Carol: I don’t know. Maybe we could fuck in all 50 states

[five seasons later]