#tw: codependency

So, obviously. Like with any character, there are base elements that are hard to separate before the character becomes… entirely different, right.

The baseline Tommy qualities that I always see in dsmp Tommy’s character is that he is loud and abrasive — usually just as a personality quirk, but also, as a defense mechanism later on. We’ll get back to that. His mouth moves faster than his brain, he wants to have fun, and he wants to be loved.

BACKGROUND

I touch on his childhood here, and it’s still how my Tommy was raised. Phil was distant but loving. He was a caring father but the immortality just made him not always take more ‘temporary’ problems seem important.

Tommy being sick, though, wasn’t a temporary problem.

He was a very ill child, often staying home. Spending his days watching movies, playing on a little handheld game system, and reading about animals. He’d always loved animals.

He’d get clingy and fussy with his brothers once they’d get home, and latched hard onto Tubbo as his best friend from the very beginning. He and Wilbur were especially close. Wilbur would be the one who most often cuddled him to sleep, who he showed off his projects to, who enabled his trinket-collecting. Wilbur was his person. He didn’t really know life without the promise that if Wilbur wasn’t around, he would be around soon.

It led to some separation anxiety when Wilbur inevitably did, as teenagers do, began drifting away slightly. Never far. The separation anxiety went both ways. But it was enough to notice, especially once Tommy got well enough he could start going to school on a regular basis.

Tommy enjoyed being social, of course. He liked getting to see Tubbo outside of just their homes. But he struggled with his classes and he constantly missed Wilbur. It would feel like ants under his skin if he was too far away for too long. Even up into middle school, he would insist on cuddling with his brother in the evenings.

Which made summer camp hard. Well, summer camp was hard for… multiple reasons, but one big one was being so far away from Wilbur. Phil had said it would do them some good, and that the people watching Tommy would be very nice. Maybe he’d meet some new friends!

(Phil hadn’t known that it was a conversion camp. Just wanted somewhere for Tommy to stay for a month and a half. And Tommy surely did make some… friends… at camp.)

When Tommy hit high school, though — is when we hit the events of the SMP. Tommy would follow Wilbur to the ends of the earth, after all.

Tommy was thrilled at first, of course. Getting to spend his days with his brother, his person, surrounded by a forest full of animals. But as we know that isn’t how it stayed.

How I imagine it, the events of dsmp take place over, give or take, three years. Tommy celebrated his sixteenth as part of the L’manburg soldiers during war. His seventeenth in exile. And, as we see on the blog — his eighteenth in Las Nevadas.

EXILE

In Logsteadshire, Tommy was the most alone he’s ever been.

His best friend had sentenced him to exile. He was without his brother, whose absence felt like the loss of a lung. The only guest he ever got was the what lingered of Wilbur McCraft’s spirit; and the ghost lacked the awareness of what Tommy was going through at that time.

Dream.

Exile was equal parts too much and not enough of Dream’s company.

Tommy needed Dream around. He wanted the presence of another living, breathing person so bad. Ghostbur visited but Ghostbur was cold. Dream was flesh and warm blood, and Tommy had never lived alone before, always surrounded by those who loved him.

And maybe Dream did love him. Maybe he did care about him, in some twisted way. But if he did, his love hurt Tommy.

Dream had so many rules, and Tommy was not allowed to take notes. He couldn’t leave, of course. If he even wandered too far from his home he would be hunted like a deer through the woods. He couldn’t keep items a secret, because secrets led to more secrets, and Dream hated secrets.

Dream wanted Tommy reliant on him. In the birthday post, a bit of the abuse tactics are detailed. Most notably, Dream would feed him wither roses. Withholding things Tommy wanted (food, affection, gifts, shiny things) unless he finished his ‘meal’ that would drain him of any energy that could be used to leave.

Tommy, once, still tried to run away. With his brain full of fuzz and muscles working against him from the roses, he still tried to run, beg for Tubbo to let him back into his life.

If you have been following, you may be aware that Tommy has a prosthetic. This mistake was how he lost that leg. He never made it to L’manburg that night.

Now, I have also touched a little on Tommy’s religious trauma in posts. It certainly didn’t help to be stuck in exile with somebody with a god complex, who demanded to be prayed to, who put it into Tommy’s head that everything he has, had, and will have — Dream allowed him to have. Who broke Tommy’s Prime talisman and called so many mistakes ‘sins’.

This is also why, when referred to, Tommy refers to Dream with capitalized “Him.”

WILBUR’S REVIVAL

When Wilbur was revived, Tommy was no longer in exile.

Tommy himself had been revived, too, now. He’d died at the hands of someone who he believed as a friend, and brought back as a power play.

He was broken and hurt and sad and wanted to get better, he wanted so badly.

Then Wilbur was allowed back.

Dream allowed Wilbur to come back. Just as he had allowed Tommy to come back.

The two became very, very codependent — more than they had been before. Tommy hiccuped and clawed at the walls if he was in a different room. Wilbur would get fussy if Tommy wandered a few feet too far, even if he was still in his line of sight. (Think the ‘by my side, by my side’ from the vod where Tommy and Wilbur take their first tour of Las Nevadas)

Just as they started, they were inseparable. But Wilbur was… different now.

Tommy had learned to make himself smaller and Wilbur was full of fissures and cracks, now. If it meant keeping each other close, nearby, safe, even if it meant they weren’t always happy — it was not a healthy dynamic, but they were willing to make those sacrifices.

Anything to not be alone again. Anything, anything.

USEFUL TAGS

Now, as much as I would like to delve into every single detail — this is… already taking much, much longer than I intended :(

So!! Some useful tags for more information that may not have made the cut <3 I do intend to start, or maybe even go back? And tag certain ‘arcs’ or asks that involve certain backstory, so they’re easier to find. Please note that these can change, and I may add or remove tags, depending on what the future of the blog may fill the custom-tags with. For example, if we got a Phil or a Techno blog, their tags would get full much faster! So they’d need a new tag for that background information.

#mentions dream

#mentions phil

#mentions techno

#mentions kristin

#mentions glatt

#tw: christianity

#long form responses

DETAILS

Again, please note that these may be added to over time <3 this post will be linked on my intro post, so I promise it’ll be easy to find again :)

- “How does Tommy feel about Ossium?”

Oh, he LOVES that horse!! He loves so many animals, of course, but Ossium is especially very important to Tommy. He loves Quackity dearly. He loves any of Quackity’s pets, but Ossium is tied to so much of Quackity’s past — many of which, both Q and Tom were suffering in their own ways.

The fact that Quackity loves Ossium already means Tommy treats it like royalty. But Ossium also was a familiar sight in many stages of Tommy’s life during the DSMP story. A pillar, something to remind Tommy to stay in his own skin. Because if Ossium was around, so was Quackity. And Quackity had shown time and time again how survival and recovery is not always linear.

Quackity with a heart too big for his chest, and Tommy who had been taught to take up minimal space.

And a big fuckoff horse made of bones, just as alive as they were.

- “If Tommy WERE a hybrid of some kind, what would he be?”

I have been thinking about this for a WHILE actually!!!

There is the obvious avian, similar to that of Origins. If Tommy were an avian, my go-to is a hummingbird. Lots of energy, pollinators, fond of sweet and fruity things. Usually with red and bronze and copper wings — it’s actually why his intro post has copper wire and all those orangey colors 🥰 I had intended to have Hummingbird Tom when I started, but got distracted and never implemented it.

One of my recent thoughts bouncing around my head, though, is a shapeshifter :) I’ve been liking it a lot. Something about change symbolism, something about wanting to be just like his heroes.

Plus, it has a lot of potential for both pranks on his end — and angst on ours. Like if at his loneliest, he would shift to sound or look like someone he loved and missed, and pretend to hold a conversation with them to be less “alone.” Chattering to himself in Wilbur’s voice, running his hands along horns that weren’t his own, or hiding under big wings of shadow to block out the world, pretend he was back at his childhood home.

Or, you know. On a happier note, little elementary-age Tom trying to give himself a raccoon tail to look like Tom Nook.

This is one I am considering implementing into the blog — but I’m not sure yet 🤔 it is a shared universe after all, and would be a big decision to make without communication. Oh well. We’ll see <3

- “What are Tommy's three favorite things about Wilbur (can be physical, personality, things Tom associates with him, etc) and Tommy's three least favorite things about Wilbur?”

Well, Tommy the thing is. The same things that he loves can become what he hates about Wilbur and vice versa. Just depends on how they’re feeling or if they’ve had a fight.

In general, though, he loves how guitars always make him think of Wilbur now. He loves how heavy Wilbur’s coat is, and the few times he gets to wear it, he can pretend to be stronger than he feels. Most of all though, he loves how for better or worse, hugging Wilbur feels like coming home.

On the other side, he hates how stifling and how hard it is to get Wilbur to treat him like a person when Wilbur gets too in his head. He hates how he feels like he has to scream to be heard sometimes, and even then — still gets treated like a baby.

And he hates how much he misses him when he’s gone. How he knows how awful they are for each other, and still, he feels like he’s drowning without him.

- “What is Tommy’s least favorite thing about Quackity?”

Quackity can get tunnel vision when he has a goal. It isn’t always a bad thing, of course, especially when it means such amazing results as Las Nevadas. But it does get Tom to worry, and as a result, a bit more clingy.

- “Does Tommy have secrets he hasn’t told Wilbur?”

Oh, a lot. There’s so much he hasn’t divulged about Logsteadshire to Wilbur, of course, but also. A lot of L’manburg, Tom wasn’t exactly in it for the country. He was in it so that Wilbur could have something that was his, not Phil’s. That Wilbur could live for.

Tommy learned to love L’manburg over time, but it started just because he wanted his sister to be happy. Once he started seeing how obsessive Wilbur was over it, though, he began to regret that decision.

And felt awful about it, thinking that he was being selfish.

I think it’d be the same, in terms of Dean locking Sam up to detox…but it’d be harder on both of them. Sam would be in a conflicting state of being an adult going through withdrawal and understanding that. Then, feeling very young and just wanting his brother but not understanding at all why Dean won’t come for him, as his big brother never leaves him when he’s like that.

Dean would then want to be there with him and help him through it, but Cas and Bobby wouldn’t let him as Sam has to go through the withdrawal. Dean wouldn’t sleep or even eat. He’d sit outside the door and basically torture himself while he had to listen to Sam like that.

Things would play out the same with Dean allowing Sam to drink enough demon blood to defeat the issue as well as his addiction being wiped clean…but the trauma on both ends would last awhile. When regressed, Sam would be terrified that Dean would “abandon” him again. He’d refuse for it to be dark or to sleep in his own bed. Dean would allow their codependency to grow, to allow both to feel better and safer.

A white gloved hand clenched and its owner ducked behind a bush, heart racing and anger flushed across his cheeks. How dare Ingo... Emmet shook his head and ran a hand over his face as he let out a soft chuckle lacking any warmth as he crept away to steady his emotions that were threatening to spill over. It was their day off and usually Ingo would accompany Emmet around Nimbasa City, but today he declined, stating he had an important meeting to go to. The younger twin was beside himself with shock. Ingo...didn’t want to hang with him? The very idea was unfathomable to Emmet and didn’t settle well with him, so he took it upon himself to eavesdrop to find out hints before following his brother anyway.

The sight that greeted him took his breath away. Ingo was sitting on a bench when a woman sat down beside him and brought him into conversation, both laughing at something the other said as Emmet felt the jealousy burn hotter than an Emboar’s flame. Once he distanced himself, he went back to their shared apartment and locked the door before sinking to his knees and cried softly, soon falling asleep in the entryway, tear tracks dried on his face, which was where Ingo found him when he came home, nearly stumbling over him. ‘Emmet...ah. He fell asleep again.’ the elder mused as he knelt down and gently shook the younger, Emmet letting out a small noise of protest before grey locked with identical grey. “Ingo...” he murmured as he allowed his older brother to help him up and lead them to their shared room and sat them both on the bed.