#mkwrites

“Come let me in, I’m right outside.” Zoey froze. Well, this should be interesting.

She opened the door to a very handsome Simon holding up a take-out bag. She was suddenly very aware she was still in her PJs and hadn’t brushed her hair since her abrupt wake up call this morning. “And you’re here, now...at my apartment...with?” 

“Bagels,” Simon cut her off again. “Did you just wake up? I hope you have a coffee maker, their espresso machine was broken.” He brushed by her and walked to the kitchen counter. He smelled so good. She watched him as he set down the bag, taking contents out one by one. Seeing Simon in her kitchen, so domestic, was not something Zoey was prepared for. It was so unexpected, and very sexy. It took him stopping mid task to snap her out of her trance. “Um, Zoey, what’s that sound?” Zoey heard it too. Oh no, the knocking woke up the baby. 

She sighed and started into the next room, leaving Simon looking confused. Zoey placed her hands over her face, distorting her words into muffles. “I was trying to tell you, but you didn’t really give me the chance.” Simon followed Zoey into the living room where the trail of noises were coming from. 

Simon stared blankly. "Hmm...okay, yep...and...that’s a baby.” 

“Yeah, Simon I’m keeping my nephew today. Did I not mention that to you?” Okay, so maybe I DID forget.

Simon watched intensely as Zoey picked up the crying infant and sat down on the sofa. She was so…wow. It was strange seeing her with a baby. Not strange as in unnatural, but the complete opposite. It was blissful. He was mesmerized. He continued to admire her as she comforted and soothed her nephew. 

Zoey noticed Simon watching her. “Is this too weird? This is weird isn’t it?” 

Simon smiled as he sat down next to her. “Surprisingly, no. Not really. I mean yeah, a little, but...in a normal, I’ve never seen you with a baby before, kind of way.” 

Zoey tilted her head, curious. Simon continued. “It’s nice though. Different, I mean...I’m enjoying seeing this side of you.”

Zoey shifted her weight so that she could face Simon. “Not to make this weirder than it already is, but...do you, ya know, like kids?” 

Simon didn’t hesitate before speaking. “Sure, I love kids. I have six nieces and nephews combined. They are a lot of fun.” 

Zoey looked down. She was a bit embarrassed he didn’t understand her question, and annoyed she didn’t ask it better. 

Simon noticed her blush. The realization hit him like a gut punch. “Oh, wow. You meant, do I want kids?” 

Zoey used the baby to try to hide herself squirming in her seat. She wished so badly to rewind time and redirect this entire conversation. “Forget I asked. I have no idea why I asked you that. That was crazy,” Zoey giggled nervously. 

Simon laughed and shook his head. “Do you want to hear the answer?” he asked in a cheeky way, as he raised one eyebrow. Zoey reluctantly nodded. 

Simon proceeded cautiously. “I always loved kids, but I never really saw myself as a dad I guess. Not sure if that makes sense. With Jessica, she wanted kids, but I didn’t get excited at the thought when we were together. I always figured it would grow on me eventually.” 

Zoey continued nodding along. She was unsure of where this was going and she felt herself getting nauseous. “Has it?” Zoey asked, her voice squeaky and faint. 

Simon smiled again. “Not until recently.” 

Zoey’s head shot up. Simon still held on to that cheeky expression. “I’m not saying I have any expectations, Zoey, but when I told you that day that I was going to go the other way this time—I meant that. I want it to be different. I want us to be happy. Whatever that looks like in the future, kids or no kids, whatever. That doesn’t matter, okay. This thing, me and you, us, it's still very new. I just want to enjoy our time together. I don’t care too much about the rest right now.” Zoey’s eyes sparkled with emotion, but she couldn't stop smiling. She stood as she struggled to find the words to respond. Simon stood with her. “Zoey, let me take him off you for a minute. See if you can find that coffee machine. I need some fuel soon or I'm crashing. No sleep remember?” 

Zoey didn’t fight him. She handed the baby off to Simon. He had definitely done this before. She gave him a soft smile and kissed Mitchell on the cheek before walking into the kitchen. She couldn’t help but look back. 

Simon began to coo and talk with her nephew, and now she was seeing a new side of him. One she didn’t hate. He was a natural, and it was doing things to her. Making her feel ways she didn’t understand. There was just something about seeing the guy you like holding a baby. Zoey had heard friends use the phrase “ovaries exploding” before but never really thought she had experienced what they were talking about until this very moment. She thought about the fact that Simon didn’t ask her the same question. Do I want kids? In that moment her body definitely did. Her mind raced as she continued to watch them from the kitchen. Then she heard it. It was a distant hum growing louder, distracting Zoey from the wave of desire she was feeling below the waist. A heart song—coming from Simon.

When tears find your eyes and you're feeling like life's got you down

When you feel so alone when there's nowhere to go, don't you cry

When you're thinking you can't go on

'Cause everything you try just goes wrong

I'll be that shelter in the rain

If you say you need a sunny day.

Then I'll be that sun when you need it to shine

And I'll move mountains and lakes,

If you say that they're in your way

Just like the stars I'm your light when it's too dark to see

Just say the word and I'll be whatever you need

And know that you'll always have me

That's what I'll be

Another one Zoey had not heard before. She knew it was for her, though it was almost sung as a lullaby for the baby. A future with Simon. She suddenly had a tinge of desire for it. All of it. Zoey found herself lost in a vision. A cliche: nice house with a yard, two kids and a dog. Them…happy. 

Lost in her own head, Zoey realized there was no more music. She looked around confused. “Simon?” 

She walked around the sofa to find the most Instagram worthy image her eyes had ever seen. Simon had fallen asleep, along with her tiny baby nephew who was now sleeping peacefully on Simon's chest. The physical intensity she had felt before was back. Whelp, yep...goodbye ovaries for sure. If this was a preview of a future with Simon, she didn’t mind it.

Zoey grabbed her phone and took a photo. She smiled as she reviewed it, then looked back at the picture perfect moment in front of her. She breathed in deeply as she soaked it in. The joy. In that moment she truly believed she had found the joy Simon had talked about so much. Maybe they even found it together.

Yeah, I don't hate this. I can live with this.

_______

The small village was obliterated in minutes, they did not have the firepower to defend against such an attack. The village was now being searched for information about The Resistance, any children orphaned will become soldiers for The First Order. You arrived after the troopers had cleared through the village, your leather boots cracking against the glass, stone and god knows what that scattered the bloodstained ground.

The only sound other than the marching of troopers, alongside the cracking of the fire troopers flamethrower, was the high pitched cries of a baby. You convinced yourself that the wailing was disturbing the troopers. You followed the sound to what remained of a small stone house, the door hanging off its metal hinges. As you pushed past the broken frame you attempted to justify the logic of your actions; if the infant was quiet then the troopers could perform their duties without disturbance.

Although, by the time you reached her crib you were assured that maybe it was some motherly instinct that made you follow her cries. Her crib was located in a small room, hidden away in the corner. For a moment you imagined the fear their parents felt when they saw the incoming ships; you diverted this thought to the back of your mind. This was the consequence of war and the sacrifices needed for peace The First Order would bring.

The moment you gently lifted the baby into your arms the howling turned into soft whimpers, her scrunched eyes softening, eventually opening to peer up at you. You let her cradle in your left arm while her small hands tightly held your index finger of your right hand. Bouncing her softly as you did this, whispering and cooing soft nothings to her. You understood the cruel irony of the situation; you worked for the organisation which just killed her family and she would never know this.

Your mind was so afield in thoughts of consequence and wonder that you did not hear the footsteps of General Hux following behind you. Hux had watched you from a short distance away. The moment you pushed past the broken door into the stone house he considered that you would have stumble across some useful intel, and questioned why you did not bring this to his attention. He ordered two troopers to follow behind him as he rambled to the house.

Once inside, he inspected the surroundings of what appeared to be the main area of the house, all that remained was a broken table, cracked pottery and a crackling fire in a neatly made fireplace. Although, his attention was more drawn to the small room in which he could hear you whispering and murmuring.

“Commander L/N,” His voice confident, shouting out before he entered the room. His boots cracking against the fallen debris on the floor. Trudging into the small room you were occupying. “I can assume you have only found-”

He went to say more until his speech stopped in his throat as he saw you holding a small bundle in your arms. He watched your lips make small quiet movements to the infant; your gaze one of softness and affection that you usually only reserved for him. He felt a slight pang of jealousy at the infant, although this feeling passed instantly as he deemed it irrelevant.

Armitage’s voice pulled your attention away from the infant in your arms; you turned to face him. He looked immaculate as ever, this was only amplified against the shattered space you both occupied. 

Your voice was soft and low as you spoke"General Hux".  

Hux turned his head slightly to the troopers that were scouting the room, “Leave us,”. They did not bother to utter a reply, instantly leaving the house. 

It was just you two, in the small box room. Once he was sure they were gone he took a few steps to be closer to you.

Your emotions got the better of you, whispering your actual feelings rather than First Order procedures “She can’t be any more than two weeks old Armitage,” You traced your thumb over her small hand “She has no idea what’s happened to her today.”

“That’s the consequence of war, darling.” Armitage lowly sighed, “It is why The First Order takes infants such as her, they will become powerful assets one day”.

The word assets stung, but he was telling the truth. You were all assets in the eyes of The Supreme Leader. You forced out a small smile, but the sadness that was building up inside you was becoming hard to hide. You attempted to change the conversation to something more emotional and personal, there was no one around after all.

“Do you, ever want children?” The question was bold, out of the blue and you feared the repercussions. You looked at his face for an answer, although it was just filled with confusion. It was a question he thought he would never be asked.

“I've…” he awkwardly coughed, shifting closer to you. His frame now leaning over yours. “It’s something I have never considered.”

Although you had been together for a while, it had taken a long time for Armitage to come out of his shell emotionally. But you appreciated every little step he took, the little honest confessions he made to you. The gradual acceptance of his emotional side of his personality.

You decided to reply with logic first “I suppose that we are in a war means having a child is the least logical thing to do. But at the same time The Resistance has families, why can’t we?” You commented then critiqued yourself, no one knows the fate of the future or of the galaxy. This entire situation was too emotional. 

Armitage decided to be unusually honest "I don’t think having a child would be…the best cause of action” He chose his words very carefully, he did not want to upset you. He could see how you wanted his, just by how softly you was holding the infant.  “After all, every trooper In the system knows what my father was like.” His voice hesitant to speak anymore.

You thought his name was not worth uttering. From the perspective of a  commander, Brendol Hux was a respectable benevolent commandant. But as the father of the man you loved, he was not worth a single breath. The scars that littered Armitage’s slim body and ravaged his mind during the dark nights was enough to tell you that.

Your voice became stern “You are not your father, Armitage” You turned to face him, looking up at the eyes that were also meeting yours; brushing your hand over his gloved one, the material rough. You gave his hand a reaffirming squeeze, a small display of affection. “You are much more than he was.”

Armitage crept his fingers over yours, they still lingered over his hand. He meshed his hand with yours for a short moment “Thank you, Darling.”

The infant had closed her eyes. Her tears all dried up and snoring softly. You decided she had settled enough, and it was best to put her back in the crib. Troopers would find her soon, no doubt to be taken to the Stormtrooper training programme. 

Although she was very young, it was theorised that the younger the infants were taken the better. She would become a prime asset for The First Order. It almost felt cruel to you that Armitage and yourself were projecting your fantasies of having a family onto this orphan.

You laid her on the white blanket that rested in her soft crib, as you softly placed her into it you swaddled her in the fabric. She would be warm and safe, for now. She continued to snooze away, unaware of the events that had transpired around her today and no doubt will be always unaware.