#turtle bite

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There’s a turtle in this mural biting a guys butt.

During my fifth grade year my friend James gave me a baby red eared sliding turtle for my birthday. I had never had a turtle for a pet before so I didn't know if I could pet it. I named the turtle Token since he seemed to me like a token of friendship or something. I don't remember which. Fast forward a few months, Token is getting bigger and meaner. At this point James and I were no longer friends (he stole my Halloween candy during our sleepover). James still asked if I still had Token from time to time. Thinking back now, maybe he purposely gave me a mean turtle since Token got so freaking aggressive. Finally the day of reckoning came. We had a dog named Rocket, he was a Weiner dog mix that got way too excited for his own good over the smallest things. On this particular day I was cleaning out Token's tank so he was in a smaller fish bowl. My brother Michael let Rocket in from our backyard. Rocket ran straight for the fishbowl and began to drink Token's water. Without warning Token latched onto Rocket's tongue with strength I had never seen in a turtle before. Rocket started yelping and screaming, absolutely loosing his mind over the pain. And still that damn turtle hung on there. Freaking out, Rocket started running around the room, slamming into stuff. Suddenly he ran right at me, jumping straight onto my crotch. As if the pain from being racked by a dog wasn't enough, Token unlatched from Rocket's tongue and landed on the floor near my face as I writhed in pain. He paused for a moment, like he was considering how hard to bite me, and snapped right onto my nose. I completely lost my cool and starting yelling at Michael to get the damn turtle off my nose and I tried to get my bearings and not puke my guts out after Rocket's pounce. Michael slowly walked over to me and yanked Token off my nose. Now not only were my nuts recovering but my nose was bleeding. He threw Token back into the fishbowl and ran to get the roll of paper towels I was using to clean Token's tank. It took what seemed like forever for my nose to stop bleeding. Michael had to finish cleaning Token's tank after our parents got home and found out what happened. Rocket stayed as far away from Token as he possibly could for a good long while. Eventually we released Token into a pond at a golf course in our neighborhood. He had gotten too mean to keep (I hadn't forgiven him for my nose).

Happy New Year! Yes, I know...I'm late. But in any event, this commercial HAD to make it to my list at some point - let's say to celebrate the new year. And I figured I would post before the SuperBowl rolled back around and things got crazy :P Happy watching all! The turtle bite...get me everytime. Every. Time.