#turning 18

And for the past couple of months I’ve had this ache in my stomach and chest and not just because I’m turning 18. But because there’s so much pressure of what I’m going to do with my life and where to commit to for college.

I never thought that I was going to make it this far. So now I’m having to think about what I’m gonna do and it’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to think about.

I still feel like that 12-year-old girl staying up until 4 AM reading fanfiction under the blankets. I still feel like that fifth grader that was terrified of moving to a new school to start sixth grade.

I still feel like that little girl that feels like no one understands her, who feels so lonely and cries herself to sleep, cries in the shower, hides in the bathroom because she rather keep it to herself, then let others worry about her.

And I know that if I made it this far, I can make it further, but I just can’t help but worry that this is finally gonna be it. But then again, I’ve told myself that every year.

Every new school year I’ll tell myself this is finally gonna be the year where I flunk, I never have. I’d tell myself this is finally gonna be the year where I do it, but I haven’t. I’m still here.

So maybe I just have to be optimistic about the future and excited about the future there’s so much that I haven’t done yet. Theres so many things out there to explore. I still need to find myself and figure out who I am without the people I’m constantly surrounding myself with.

T0DAY IS S0 L0VELY AND I AM S0 HAPPY

Slow down, sweet child The world is still waiting Spinning soothing rounds Filled with silent sounds With no feet to run from It will wait itself numb

Just breathe, wild child Time is as patient as ever Your dreams shall sleep With hopes, yours to keep Flowers shall still bloom So stay alive in your room

We’re here, dear child Keep your head up high The waves are only water It’s past four, just a quarter With the day still as golden Worries not made to hold in

Much love, great child Your meaning will come Patience as your friend There’s no rifts to mend Our world will still wait Even with age as a weight

this is it. i'm officially in my last year of highschool.

what.