#tulipintulle

Silently, Buck counts to ten in his mind, then forces out another smile. “He does, yeah. Sometimes.” 

He dates men, just not Buck. It had been the final nail in the coffin of his dreams—Eddie had come out, started dipping his toes in the expanded dating pool newly available to him, and still never so much as looked in Buck’s direction. 

“Okay then,” Matt says. “Well, uh—thanks, I guess. For, uh—for the information.” 

“Yeah,” Buck says, his smile growing increasingly tighter. “No problem.”

Eddie finds him later, when they’re all settling into their seats for the film screening. He drops into the chair next to Buck, leaning back as far as the chair goes and tipping his head back. He’s quiet for long enough that Buck knows he’s building up to something, but he doesn’t realise what it is until Eddie opens his mouth.

“So, uh—Jenna’s dad asked me out,” he says. “Matt. He’s—” Eddie sits up and cranes his head, like he’s trying to find Matt to point him out. 

“Yeah, I know Matt,” Buck says. “He works fast.” 

Eddie turns to look at Buck, frowning. “What do you mean?” 

Buck shrugs, as nonchalant as he knows how, and tips back in his chair. “He was asking about you earlier.”

“Asking about me how?” 

“Oh, you know,” Buck says, trying to keep his voice light. “Wanted to make sure there isn’t anything between you and me. That the coast is clear.” 

“Huh,” Eddie says. “What did—what did you tell him?” 

“He asked you, didn’t he?” Buck says. “Did you say yes?” 

“I—yeah,” Eddie says. “I mean, I didn’t really have a reason not to. At least—I don’t think I do.” 

“Yeah,” Buck says. “Just like I told him.” He tries not to let the bitterness seep in, but he’s not so sure he’s successful.

Eddie shifts in his seat, turns almost all the way towards Buck and back again. He turns a third time and opens his mouth, but just then the planetarium guide stands up at the front of the room and starts telling them about the film they’re going to see. 

“Buck—” Eddie tries to say when the film begins, but Buck cuts him off.

“Shh. I’m trying to watch the Big Bang.” 

When the film ends Eddie turns to him again, blinking in the sudden light. “Buck—” he says, reaching for Buck’s arm. “About this Matt thing—”

Buck pulls his arm away. “What about it?” 

“It’s not—I don’t have to go,” Eddie says, staring at Buck’s arm where he’s crossed it against his stomach. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Buck says, forcing a laugh. “He seems nice enough. And it’s not like there’s anyone else you’re interested in, right?”

Eddie’s quiet for a long moment, his eyes still fixed on Buck’s arm, before he replies. “Right.” 

Buck avoids Eddie for the rest of the evening. He busies himself helping the other chaperones set out a picnic under the stars projected onto the curved dome of the planetarium ceiling, and sits with Christopher and a few of his friends swapping constellation facts until their eyes start to droop.

The planetarium has provided air mattresses, and Buck and the other chaperones spread them out, passing out pillows and sleeping bags and making sure everyone brushes their teeth.

Finally, when he can’t put it off anymore, Buck grabs a sleeping bag for himself and heads over to an empty mattress a little ways away from the half-asleep kids. He crawls into the sleeping bag and wriggles onto his back, clasping his hands across his stomach.

It barely takes two minutes for Eddie to appear, dragging his mattress over. Buck listens to the mattress squeak as Eddie gets settled, then to the silence as Eddie tries to get his words together. 

Buck’s not expecting the words Eddie ends up saying, though. 

“Tell me not to go out with Matt,” Eddie says into the silence between them, hoarse and a little ragged.

“Eddie—” Buck turns his head, his breath catching when he sees the intensity in Eddie’s eyes. Eddie’s bottom lip is caught between his teeth, worrying back and forth like he does when he’s nervous about something, and Buck wants nothing more than to reach out and smooth it out with his thumb.

“I’ve been telling myself that you don’t—” Eddie starts, heaving a sigh. His eyes dart around, from Buck’s face to their sleeping bags to the constellations dancing across the ceiling. “I thought you didn’t, but then—” He meets Buck’s eyes again, drawing a shaky breath. “Tell me.” 

Buck swallows. “Eddie, what are you—”

“Cards on the table,” Eddie says. “I’m just gonna—just put it out there. I don’t want to date Matt. I don’t want to date anyone. Except you.” 

“But I thought—” Buck whispers. “When you came out, I thought you might—but then you—”

“I thought you might,” Eddie says. “But you never did.” 

“I wanted to give you time,” Buck says. “I didn’t want to pressure you. But I wanted—I still want—”

“Tell me,” Eddie says again, reaching across the narrow gap between their mattresses. Buck reaches out, too, clasping Eddie’s hand when they meet. 

“Don’t go out with Matt,” Buck murmurs. “Don’t go out with anyone. Except me.” 

Eddie’s face slips into a grin. “Are you asking?” 

“Maybe I’m telling,” Buck says. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Buck says, bringing their hands up and pressing his lips to their joint knuckles. “Tomorrow, when we get out here, we’re going to drop Christopher at Pepa’s and I’m going to take you on the best date of your life.”

“It will be,” Eddie says. “If it’s with you.”

Buck huffs a laugh. “But no pressure or anything.”

“Hey,” Eddie murmurs. “Come here.” He tugs on Buck’s hand, and when Buck leans forward on the sagging air mattress gravity does the rest of the work for him, propelling him down and into Eddie’s side. He lands half on top of Eddie, an arm thrown across Eddie’s chest and his head resting on Eddie’s shoulder, their faces barely heartbeats apart. 

“Hi,” Buck whispers, the only warning he gives before he leans in, closes the gap, completes the circuit that’s been sparking between himself and Eddie for longer than he even knows how to count. 

Eddie’s mouth is soft beneath his, pliant, opening for him the moment their lips meet. They fit together like it’s what they’d been built to do, and Eddie’s arms come up around him, cradling the back of his head and pulling him close.

Buck tries to shift closer, on top of Eddie, and the mattress below them squeaks loudly in protest.

“Okay,” Eddie says, breath already coming a little heavier. “Okay, maybe—I want to, but maybe we shouldn’t be—”

“Making out while surrounded by preteens?” Buck suggests, and Eddie snorts.

“Yeah, that,” he says, ducking his head to press a kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth. “Especially since that includes our preteen.”

Buck’s pulse jumps at that, and he’s sure Eddie feels it but he doesn’t say anything, just keeps holding Buck close. 

“If we can’t make out,” Buck eventually says, “Which, by the way, is a crying shame, I have another idea.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks.

“Shove over a little,” Buck says, shifting until he’s on his back next to Eddie, tucked against his side. Buck’s head rest on Eddie’s shoulder, and they’re looking up at the ceiling, at the thousands of stars projected on the curving dome. “See over there?” Buck asks, pointing at a tiny constellation near the middle of the room. “That’s Sagitta. There’s a couple of different stories, but I like to think of it as Cupid’s arrow.” 

“That’s fitting,” Eddie murmurs, so close to Buck his lips brush against his cheek with every syllable. “Tell me more?”

So Buck does, recounting names of constellations and the stories to go along with them at just above a whisper as kids drop off to sleep around them, conversations winding to a halt and soft snuffles filling the room. Buck starts drifting off, too, but Eddie slips a hand under Buck’s t-shirt and splays it across his stomach, and the warmth of his skin jolts him awake and makes anticipation sing under his skin.

“Hey,” Eddie whispers in his ear. “Want to go on an adventure?”

“What did you have in mind?” Buck asks.

Eddie reaches for Buck’s chin, turning Buck’s head to face him again. He leans in for a kiss, careful turning quickly to hungry as he licks into Buck’s mouth. “I bet if we explored a little we could find an empty office or a storage closet or—”

“Some other kind of room not filled with preteens?” Buck grins, and Eddie nods.

“Dad,” Chris huffs from the back. “What’s wrong? Won’t the car start?”

Eddie shakes his head, turning the key in the ignition and just about managing not to scream. “No, sorry, bud. I just got distracted there for a sec.”

Christopher gives a vague hum in reply, clearly not interested now that Eddie’s finally pulling out of the driveway. And it’s fine. Eddie’s completely fine except for the fact he just fucking kissed his best friend on the mouth like he was-

Like he’s-

Well.

Like they’re married.

Jesus Christ.

And now he has to go work a twenty-four hour shift with Buck.

Buck, who has never been able to let anything go in his life ever.

Buck, who will most certainly mock him for this for the rest of his life.

Maybe he’ll offer Eddie some courtesy by at least not mentioning it in front of Chimney.

God, what the fuck was he thinking?

He looks at the time on his dashboard and suppresses a groan.

It’s too early in the morning for this.

~

“And then I just kissed him.”

Karen’s laughter rebounds throughout his car and Eddie bangs his head on the steering wheel. He’s currently sitting in the parking lot outside the station. Buck’s jeep is already parked up next to his and Eddie is so not ready to face him yet.

“What were you thinking?!” Karen hiccups, still cackling while she waits for Eddie to reply.

“I don’t know!” he exclaims, dragging a hand down his face. “I wasn’t thinking at all. We were just doing our regular, normal routine. It just felt-“

“Normal?” Karen supplies and he doesn’t need to be in the same room with her to know what face she’s making. It’s the same face she makes when she looks at him over the rim of her wine glass with a faint, knowing smirk.

He hates that face.

“Shut up,” he mutters, slumping in his seat and looking in the direction of the truck bay. He’s really only got another two minutes before he’s officially late and Bobby will kick his ass if he finds out he’d just been lurking in the parking lot the whole time. “I know what you’re gonna say.”

“Then don’t make me say it,” she retorts. “Eddie. Do you want to know what I did this morning?”

He’s not quite sure what noise he makes in response but Karen clearly takes it as encouragement to continue.

“I made breakfast while my wife helped our kid get ready for school. And then we all sat down together and ate. And right before I left with Denny to take him to school, do you know what I did?”

“I hate you.”

“I kissed my wife goodbye,” she concludes, ignoring him completely. “See what I’m getting at?”

“I really hate you,” he repeats. Except he doesn’t. Because Karen is the confidant he never expected to have and probably his favourite person to text besides Buck.

“I’d ask you over for a wine night this weekend to unpack all of this but I think you’ll be otherwise engaged. I want updates though, Diaz. Don’t leave me hanging.”

He hums in agreement, looking at the time again. He really needs to get out of the car. “I can’t avoid him anymore. I need to head inside.”

“Good luck!” Karen calls and then she’s hanging up, leaving Eddie to deal with his fate alone.

Here goes nothing.

~

Eddie steels himself as he walks up the stairs to the loft. Everyone is milling around, moving between the dining table and the couches with plates of breakfast food or cups of coffee. No one immediately turns to point and laugh at him when he reaches the top step though so he assumes Buck hasn’t said anything yet.

Buck, who looks up like a deer caught in the headlights when Eddie glances in his direction.

They stare at each other for an indeterminable number of seconds and just as Buck opens his mouth to say something, the bell rings.

Eddie doesn’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse.

~

The rest of the morning is populated with back to back calls, leaving absolutely no room for Buck to confront him unless he intends to invite the entire firehouse into their business. Which- wouldn’t be the first time.

They work together as well as ever but every time their hands or shoulders brush Eddie thinks he might just about crawl out of his skin.

By the time they finally get back to the station and stay there, it’s long past lunch time. Bobby heads straight for the stairs, calling over his shoulder that he’s taken them offline for an hour so they can eat and clean up. (The last rescue was…messy.)

Eddie manages to sneak off to the shower before Buck can catch him. They’ve probably said all of ten words to each other between calls and he knows Buck is only going to let this go on for so long but he’d very much like to live in denial for as long as possible, thanks.

He thinks he’s in the clear when he’s out of the shower, assuming Buck’s still in there. It isn’t until he’s on his way to the laundry room to dump the towel he’d been using to dry his hair that he’s ambushed.

A hand grabs hold of his arm and then he’s being unceremoniously dragged behind the ladder truck.

Buck lets him go as soon as they’re both out of sight of the general firehouse, eyes wide and chest heaving with what can’t be exertion so must be…nerves?

“You haven’t talked to me all morning,” he says without preamble and Eddie tries not to cringe.

“I’ve spoken to you today,” he mutters, staring at the space on the floor between their shoes and twisting his towel from one hand to the other.

“’Pass the jaws, Buck,’ doesn’t count.” The exasperation in his voice is enough to make Eddie look up again and there’s something there behind his eyes. Something a little desperate. A little hopeful.

Taking a breath, he forces his voice to remain steady when he meets Buck’s gaze head on. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Buck’s expression shutters but recovers almost just as quickly. “What d’you mean?”

Eddie sighs. “I mean I did it without thinking! I was just- we were having breakfast and making weekend plans and- and I was getting Chris ready for school and you were cleaning the kitchen and it just. It felt…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence. Doesn’t know how he could. Because telling Karen and telling Buck are two completely different things.

Buck’s jaw works and Eddie can tell he’s deciding what to say, if he’s going to say what’s really on his mind or smile and shrug it off. Eddie’s not sure which he’d prefer right now.

Finally, after what feels like far too long, Buck takes one deliberate step forward, puts his hand on Eddie’s shoulder and leans in to brush their lips together.

It happens so fast Eddie doesn’t have time to react, save for the dazed way he looks at Buck when he pulls back.

“That was on purpose,” Buck says and Eddie-

Eddie laughs, heart beating wildly in his chest, and quickly drops his towel in favour of hauling Buck in for a real kiss. Buck grins against his mouth, hands curling over Eddie’s shoulders, and slowly backs them up against the side of the truck.

And they’ve got approximately twenty seconds before someone finds them and completely ruins the moment but for right now, Eddie wants to bask in this.

Because maybe it’s a feeling he’s always known without thinking about it but now that he’s allowed to think about it, now that he’s allowed to feel it on purpose, he thinks nothing could possibly feel better than being in love with Evan Buckley.