The dulcet whistle of the Kill Bill theme song rang out into the silence. It was 3pm on Wednesday 18 April, and after what had seemed like the longest 9 days of my life, the clinic was finally calling with the results of my blood work from the FET. Naturally I had put my defences up and convinced myself it had failed, so I answered the phone accordingly.
“I’m calling with your results”, the nurse said in an upbeat tone. I was hanging on her every word, trying to read every inflection to pre-empt the outcome. “… And it’s good news. You’re pregnant!”. In that instant time slowed down. In that instant I was deafened by the silence in my empty home. In that instant all the hope and heartbreak and impossibilities of the last two and a half years came crashing down around me.
I looked at hubs, trying and failing to keep it all together. I started to cry. I managed to at least sound like I was ok on the phone, while the nurse continued to tell me that anything over a Beta HCG of 25 was good, and that we had gotten 259. The next blood test would be in 4 days. I hung up the phone, shocked, and hubs and I hugged for the longest time. I sobbed into his shoulder, and then I realised he was crying too. It’s only the second time I’ve seen him cry in 11 years together.
Fast forward to Sunday 22 May 2016 and I was back at the clinic for my second Beta HCG blood draw. The results came through early that afternoon, while I was stuffing my face full of twisties. While my Beta had gone up nicely to 1340, my progesterone had fallen. My meds were upped to three a day (giving me an early start each day so I can use the med and then lay down for 30 mins), and another blood draw on Thursday.
Naturally I spent the next 4 days lamenting and stressing myself out. I read that eating can cause progesterone to drop by up to 50%, so for my next blood draw I didn’t eat or drink until afterwards. Thursday 26 May 2016 my Beta HCG went up to 7608 and the progesterone was up to 106. Everything seemed to have progressed nicely.
That brings us to today. I’m currently 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I’m still shocked and delighted that it has worked so far. I know there is a long way to go until the first trimester is over, and one of the shitty things about infertility is the joy it steals from you. The knowledge you have of everything that can go wrong at this point. I’m doing my best to stay positive and take each day as it comes. I’m focusing on making it to (and through) the next appointment, which is Thursday’s Beta HCG. It’s funny to think that for now we have finally done it. For now we have beaten infertility.
