#tryingtoconceive

No Gluten

No Dairy ( OMG NO CHEESE?! 😭)

No fruit ( due to high sugar content)

I also have to intermittent fast (no food from 7pm-11 am)

Anything that tastes good is gone.

So now I'm on a diet and patiently waiting for RAD to open back up so my first in person appointment can be made. I'm not gonna lie I'm stressed, so is my husband but.. we're making it work. (he's not dieting but he did quit smoking ❤)

Here's to future Baby Ransom 👶🏿🤞🏿💞💞

I never thought we’d be here. Each cycle is harder, each arrival of my period is more painful and each stark white pregnancy test is more heartbreaking than the last. In the hard moments, this is what I wish I could have told myself:

When you thought you’d get pregnant within the first three months. I’m so sorry your naive heart is about to be broken.

When your friends told you that they were surprised you weren’t more upset as each month went past and you told them “I’m sure if we aren’t pregnant by cycle 6 then it’ll really hit me.” 6 was a hard number, but not as hard as 10, or 12, or 15…Brace yourself.

When you stressed so much about every hundredth of a degree in temperature shift on your BBT chart, worrying so much that you actually caused your period to come late due to overwhelming anxiety. Your temperature is just going to tell you WHEN ovulation happens; whether or not you take it, you will still ovulate. Stop letting it consume you. Breathe.

When everyone at Christmas expected a pregnancy announcement like all of the cute YouTube videos. I’m so sorry. Hold your husband’s hand tight to fight back the tears. It will be okay.

When someone got pregnant by “accident.” Just because it isn’t happening for you does not mean others don’t deserve to get pregnant. Protect you heart a little extra when browsing social media.

When someone tells you, “I’m sure it’ll happen as soon as you relax, stress isn’t going to help. Maybe take a vacation and you’ll get pregnant there.” It’s okay, you can punch them.

When someone tells you, “It will happen when it’s supposed to.” You ARE supposed to be a mom. You can punch them harder than the last person.

When you went to that birthday party and someone announced their second unplanned pregnancy and you had to run out of the building and sob on the side of the road. Don’t feel guilty for these feelings. You can be happy for someone and be devastated at the same time.

When you sat in the waiting room of the fertility clinic waiting to meet with the RE for the first time. Hold your husband’s hand a bit harder. This is scary for him too.

When you second guess everything you do and how it effects your fertility. It is important to lose weight, eat healthy and maintain low stress levels. But this is not your fault.

When another male doctor who discusses the facts instead of the aching in your heart is poking around your vagina for your HSG. Breathe in, breathe out. This is quicker than you think.

When your husband is preparing for his semen analysis. Reassure him more often. You are the one who constantly talks about babies, imagine how he will feel if he cannot give that to you. He is so scared.

When you get the “unexplained infertility” diagnosis. It’s okay to be happy and sad about this news. Happy nothing is wrong, sad that there isn’t an easy “fix”. Embrace these emotions, bottling them up will only hurt later.

When you become numb to the process, no longer devastated at the arrival of each period, no longer researching fertility facts for hours, no longer reading the TTC blogs and message boards. Try your best to feel your emotions. Don’t let them consume you, soon you will explode if you keep them inside. You will explode in 3, 2, 1…

When you explode from bottling up your emotions for too long. Cry. Breathe a little, then cry some more. This is hard.

When you take it a bit further and sob on the couch while watching pregnancy announcements on YouTube. STOP. STOP RIGHT NOW.

When you put off starting your IUI’s out of fear they won’t work. You won’t get a baby if you don’t try.

And here we are. This is your last month trying naturally and next month we start our first IUI. You got this. This is scary. But you have a loving husband who supports you unconditionally and a family that is there for you and no matter what, you will be a mother one day. You are strong. You are more than an infertility diagnosis. You are a future mother of one very lucky child.

Sincerely,

I’m sitting here on my couch wine drunk (please ignore any misspellings or awkward sentences). I had my FET baseline appointment this morning (my second one this week). My doctor wanted me to come back today to check my lining because as of Friday I had not yet gotten full flow period. Well this morning looks like everything was A-OK. I dragged the husband with me today because he hasn’t been with me to any other appointments. I swear, the nurses probably thought I was doing this all alone by this point. Well we had a 9:15 appointment but didn’t get out of there until 11am! It was a long morning of waiting and people watching.

There was one couple who was there with their one-year old child. *Warning: Rant Coming* Who in their right mind thinks “let me bring my child to the IVF clinic.” This is literally a place where infertility rages, where people are doing everything they can to have a child. Having a child in the waiting room for an hour and a half is not a pleasant way to spend the morning, being reminded that you have a child while I’ve been paying thousands of dollars and waiting years for one of my own.

There was also this random group of people there. 3 or 4 women and 2 men, all together. My husband and I kept trying to guess what the situation was (surrogate, parents of the ones undergoing IVF) who knows. But they were loud and obnoxious and taking up half of the waiting room. Like, there should be no reason to bring THAT many people to your blood test and ultrasound appointment.

Anyhoo my results came back good and we are ready to start our FET protocol. Tonight, I take my first estrogen pill. I’m supposed to take my first prednisone as well, but I think I’m going to hold off until tomorrow morning (don’t tell my IVF doc!). Personally, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to take prednisone with dinner and then again with breakfast, especially when it’s supposed to be a once every 24 hours pill. So, tomorrow is the real first day of medication. Estrogen pills, estrogen patch, and prednisone. Woot. I’ve already warned the hubs of future emotional outbursts and estrogen rages :-p