Before I ever thought of this post, I was going to write another post. I had even thought of the title. 'Bed - The Battlefield'
The inspiration came as it was 2 AM. I lay in bed - gripped with the fear. Fear of the unknown. Even the known.
And just like that within minutes I saw the fear take a physical form. Or should I say virtual? It was almost as if I had known, or someone had given me a heads up.
I get the email. Saying the letter provided is incomplete. !?!?!?
That same letter - which cannot be edited.
That same letter - that went out to 8 different universities.
That same letter - that this whole one year was to depend upon. The same one year that I played a confident gamble on with my life.
So you see, right before bed I was listening to a sermon - by Pastor Steven Furtik.
He said, "the reason that a storm is raging in your life is because there's something valuable on the other side. And whenever you're headed that way, there will be a storm!"
And I knew right then, something is coming for me. Soon. I was mentally prepared, I thought. Yet, it rocked my faith and left me out of breath. Like a straight punch in the gut, screaming in a taunting voice, "I told you so!"
All these instances lately, give me an intuition - maybe it's not meant to be. This path that I'm headed, it's a not a safe bet.
But I'm way too invested in this and way too stubborn to back down from here. As waves of anxiety and panic roll over me, and tears stream down my face - I give in to faith.
Let's be honest, it could have been worse. You could have mailed the incomplete packets! You could have missed the deadlines! You could have never known! At least now you can write to them all asking for a roundabout way (obviously tomorrow with a calm head and steady fingers).
Things will be fine. It's not ideal. But ideal is a rarity. If it's meant to be, it will. If not, I know in my heart it's for my best.
So what the pastor says 23 minutes into the sermon is probably the most powerful thing I heard all night.
"if there is a storm, it's a sign that grace is on its way"