#troble

The Sword: Gods of the Earth (2008)

It wasn’t The Sword’s fault that their retro-fitted heavy metal thunder -- part thrash, part doom, all volume and distortion -- was embraced by a bunch of fucking hipster poseurs writing for Pitchfork Media (and other such music sites), who’d grown bored with their own, cynically manufactured indie agendas. 

Seems to me that many of those who read such publications listen, not with their ears, hearts and minds, but through the words of these eloquent hype-mongers -- and there’s nothing so intolerable as herd mentality among those who are convinced of their artistic/intellectual superiority.

Except, perhaps, for actual heavy metal fans who, conversely, let blind prejudice against bands that achieve any measure of mainstream or critical acceptance to taint their opinions, thus negating their ears’ role as the ultimate and impartial arbiters of what’s good and heavy.

Well, as you can probably tell from this little tirade, I trust my ears and my ears alone, and they told me The Sword’s 2006 debut, Age of Winters, was really, really good and heavy -- one of that decade’s best metal albums, in fact.

Unfortunately, my ears also told me that the band’s sophomore follow-up, Gods of the Earth, was an all-too-safe, virtually identical sequel, doomed to fall short of the original template it sought to replicate.

Why, a good chunk of these cuts -- specifically, “The Frost-Giant’s Daughter,” “How Heavy this Axe” and “The Black River” -- were directly inspired by Robert E. Howard’s Conan the Barbarian novels, which are almost too obvious a Cliff’s Notes for the aspiring heavy metal hobbyist.

And, while the outrageously named “Fire Lances of the Ancient Hyperzephyrians” could have drawn a cease and desist order from the neighboring Kingdom of High on Fire (just kidding), the album’s final, folksy, untitled acoustic jig sounded just like a Tenacious D parody.

But, despite all of these knocks against The Sword’s metallic legitimacy, there was no doubting the impressive array of powerful, jagged riffs stockpiled inside these latest castle metal adventures, plus standouts like “Lords,” “To the Black,” and the amusingly named “Maiden, Mother & Crone.” 

So, whatever you do, listen to Gods of the Earth with your ears instead of trusting my words or anyone else’s, then decide for yourself if The Sword’s ever-expanding discography holds water by your personal musical standards and opinions. 

See, that was easy!

Flash S04XE02

“Mixed Signals“

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