Mar 7
ngl as a passively suicidal person, robby in the latest episode is really fucking me up
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ngl as a passively suicidal person, robby in the latest episode is really fucking me up
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I'm tired of having to unfollow people who reblog things from thinspo blogs. Please be safe you guysâ¤
Tw: dark shit hehe
Beep boop
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR9lQ3JsaOs)
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okay, confession time aka the worst things that happened to me in 2016 (personal level only, might be triggering):
- i was constantly hammered since january till march - my epilepsy appeared in march as i hadnât slept for 3 days and nights in a row and when i finally dozed off i woke up in the hospital with cabels coming out of my limbs - i was in an abusive relationship - my brother beat up my mom twice and hasnât been punished ever since - i forgot my way home from the nearest bus stop after smoking too much weed so i ended up spending the entire night outside which gave me the worst cold ever - no lovemaking, just fucking - the least loving kisses iâve ever got - i cut myself for the first time in 4 years - i got humiliated by my ex-bf so badly i donât want to write about it, even - heavy depression comeback - my nan being blissfully passive-agressive towards me and my momâs bf to the point we planned a perfect crime for a moment (jokejokejoke but still) - humiliating time when testifying against my brother at the police station where i got to know the taste of the definition of âblaming the victimâ
and other crap etc etc
i told myself that i would never check on the people who hurt me when i was most vulnerable. that i would stop doing it. stop looking at their facebook and stop looking at their blogs. and i went for like 3 months without doing it! but i was feeling so terrible about that time in my life and i needed answers so i checked on them again and i donât even know what i was looking for but i just feel worse now. i donât want to know whatâs going on in their lives because they donât give a damn about whatâs going on in my life. and i have a lot going on in my life!!i do!! so i need to focus on the people who are actually there for me.
and the thing is i wish i could just tell myself theyâre bad people. and they WERE very very bad to me. but theyâre good to other people? other people i used to be friends with too. i donât think theyâre bad people, but i was their target at that time and i donât know why but there it is. and theyâre not bad and iâm not bad and this is just how things go sometimes. and i have to keep telling myself that even though i was really unwell at the time, i didnât deserve how they treated me. and i just have to keep building my life. and do my best to exist outside of that moment in time when things were shit and people were shit to me. i need april to get here so i can finally talk to  my therapist