What it’s like to be triggered
I have posted a few things about being triggered, but I’ve never wrote about what it feels like to be triggered on my blog.
It feels like somebody has shot me. There’s a sharp pain in my chest, like all the wind has been knocked out of me, and a tingle of anxiety rushes all through my body. I literally jump and flinch at the sound of whistling, but it’s not like: *hears whistle* “oh thats a whistle” *flinch*. It’s more like: *hears whistle and flinches* “oh that’s a whistle.” The flinch is very involuntary, and it feels like somebody is pulling me to the left. I also feel compelled to find where the sound is coming from, looking everywhere until I locate the offender. This doesn’t help anything, and likely contributes to the formation of visual triggers.
After the initial violent reaction, I begin to notice how I’m feeling. Sometimes I’ll become angry (fight response) and hurt something; sometimes I’ll become distressed and want to escape the sound (flight response). When I can’t fight or flee, I become extremely stressed (read: always) and start crying, or self-harming (normally redirected to a fidget toy).
After the sound stops, I feel on edge and anxious for at least 10 minutes after the trigger. This makes it easier to be triggered again; a vicious loop of pain.
