#trigers

(I promise that it will be short) Lately, I have found myself fighting back panic attacks because of what I see online. For me personally, own of my biggest triggers is the representation of my fear: trypophobia: the fear of holes or bumps. (Proceed with caution if you choose to look Google it). I have seen many informative videos and pamphlets about it online, but the cover picture or first slide is of something that has multiple holes/bumps. However, there is no warning, nor do they appear to have the idea that if you’re spreading knowledge a out a fear, you shouldn’t put the fear at the beginning (at least a warning). The trigger stays in my mind for a week or two, until the memory is fuzzy enough that if I think about it, I won’t have a panic attacks.

Don't judge me! 

-

Sing Hallelujah

[EDIT:Author's Intro: I was never a fan of this, but I feel a responsibility to you to explain a few things and give a few warnings.  This fic is my brain child and ate Summer 2014.  Then Croatoan hit and you know how that ended (NERD cough). Each chapter is named for a Supernatural Episode.  I also introduce every Chapter with a set of lyrics.  I apologize.  I initially wanted them to be Dean approved songs, but my taste in "douchey" pop music won out.  Sorry Dean.  I kept Toto, Whitesnake, and Bon Jovi  in there just for you.  The "Soundtrack" will be posted on the last chapter. Some of the Angel's are OCs.  That said, there was research that went into their actions.  I have an affinity for angels, so there are quite a few of them. Most of them have small parts, so don't worry if you don't like OCs.  Some events in this fic are semi-parallel to those in the show.  I won't say more on that without SPOILERS.  Some things you have to look forward to include my spin on "The End" and "The French Mistake," Lucifer, Adam, Gabriel, Anna, and Metatron.  I kept things as canon as humanly possible, but its Destiel Mpreg for crying out loud, so I tried not to take it too seriously.  Enjoy.

Character list: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer, Gabriel/Trickster/Loki, Anna Milton

WARNINGS: Smut, Soul Sex, Dream Sex, Wet Dream (but not), Angel-Dream Sex, Anal, Fingering, Soul Pregnancy, Mpreg, Pregnant Cas, Angel Vomit, Vomiting, Creeper Cas, General Mind-Fuck]

Chapter 1: Skin

If I needed someone to love You're the one that I'd be thinking of If I needed someone

If I had some more time to spend Then I guess I'd be with you my friend If I needed someone

Had you come some other day Then it might not have been like this But you see now I'm too much in love

The Winchester brothers and Castiel were camped out in an abandoned house.  The apocalypse had ravaged this little town in on the very edge of Oklahoma.  The family who had lived here had no idea what had hit them…  They had died quickly…  Castiel was thankful for that.  Jimmy would be very upset if he discovered that they were in a house where a mother, father and little girl had died and suffered…  There hadn’t any survivors, the angel had been sure to check.  The living people were all possessed.  His exorcisms had forced the demons back to hell, but the human souls had not survived.  This was typically the price he knew had to be paid, but it still made him melancholy.  Dean was asleep in the master bedroom.  He had been out for quite some time when Castiel had sensed a fresh wave of demons invading the town.  Castiel could feel them from miles away.  It was early in the morning, but it was dark enough for stars to flood the sky with their cold light and for the land to seem dim, hopeless, and dark.  Dean would be sleeping and Sam would be on watch right now.  He had to speak to Dean.  He had expressed his sincere wish to watch over Dean, but Sam had proceeded to tease Dean, who had turned crimson red.  He had declared that Castiel would not need to watch him sleep seeing as that was creepy.  Castiel remained protective, standing outside of Dean’s window, keeping silent watch.  It was during this time that he had felt the presence of the demons.  Castiel did not want to wake Dean.  Going into his dream would be faster.  Castiel spread his smoky wings and dove into Dean’s subconscious.

            Hot water ran down his vessel’s skin. He found it rather pleasant.  He could tell that this was not real, but the sensations were rather interesting.  Intrigued, Castiel traced a hand down his other arm savoring the human sensation.

“Hay you.”

The voice was soft, scratchy, and unmistakably Dean.  Castiel had felt him there for a couple of seconds.  Castiel did not turn.

“Hello Dean.”

Castiel could feel Dean’s soul before he felt the physical touch.  It was light and soft.  A kiss on the shoulder, lingering there.  His soul was beautiful… gnarled and mangled, but bright and hot and powerful.  It was all of the imperfect things Castiel admired about humanity.  It was Dean.  Dean…

Castiel Had held his soul tight to his true form not that long ago.  It had fought him, burning him with its stubborn energy.  It had felt unworthy of redemption and it had been consumed with self loathing, but Castiel had held the precious thing and let it burn his true form.  It was a small price to pay for the ritous man, the man who would save the world… Dean… A human with a strong beautiful soul.  The human who could make any living creature long to be close to him…  

Dean had pulled their dream bodies flush.  Castiel was pleasantly surprised by the sensation of warm skin against warm skin, wet from the shower, slick from some kind of soap.  Dean knew what he was doing, placing wet little kisses up Castiel’s shoulder to his neck, then back down his neck and down his shoulder again.  Castiel was a little annoyed at the way his vessel had begun to tremble violently.  He was glad that this was a dream.  If they had been awake, Jimmy would be here too…  He knew the power of the human dream.  Dean was experiencing him the way Dean expected to experience him, so he appeared in his vessel with all of the vessel’s heart rate had jumped alarmingly and he was having some trouble keeping its breath steady.  One of Dean’s arms had draped itself across Castiel’s chest and the other supported him by hooking around his waist.  He suddenly felt small, with Dean’s much larger, broader frame draped around him like this.  That was silly, seeing as he was divinely powerful, but Dean holding him like this, just made him feel a little safer.  Dean placed an affectionate kiss against his ear.  Castiel hummed.  He could feel the heat of Dean’s breath and a hard, poking against his back. 

He wanted to turn around.  The first time he had seen Dean, he had pieced him together with care.  His delicate human body had been ripped to pieces and it had begun to rot after four months.  Castiel had made sure he had put everything where it was meant to be, atom by atom, healing as he went.  Castiel had reached into dean’s chest, placing his soul where it belonged.  Castiel touched Dean’s chest and his heart began to beat. The first time Castiel saw Dean alive, his eyes had shot open and the shade of green had startled him. They were beautiful.

Castiel turned in Dean’s arms, savoring the slide of human skin.  He almost enjoyed the way Dean’s soul leaked through, burning him a little.  Dean helped turn his vessel, resting his hands against the Angel’s hips.  They stayed there, pressing hard and they burned.  Castiel hummed again, the pleasant sensations of Dean’s warm body contrasted with the pain of Dean’s strong soul and it was unexpectedly pleasurable.  Castiel gazed up at Dean with reverent blue eyes.  He had longed for permission to get this close to Dean for a long time.   He rested his palm against Dean’s cheek, feeling the scratch of stubble.  He was feeling a little shy.  The pout of Dean’s mouth was so inviting and the sensation of his soul was overwhelming.  His vessel wouldn’t stop shaking.  Timidly, Castiel stood on the balls of his feet…  The first little kiss was soft, sweet, and timid.  Castiel was not sure what he was doing, but he had watched humans for long enough to know the basic mechanics of their physical displays of affection.  Kissing was nice, he decided.  For a brief moment, Dean was kissing back, his lips pressing forward.   Castiel broke away from Dean and just hovered a breath away.  His lips trembled.  The experience was unmistakably intimate.

“Dean…”

His voice was a low and gravely whisper.  This time, Dean kissed him, tilting his head just right and holding cupping the back of Castiel’s head, holding him there, gentle and firm all at once.  Castiel felt as if he might melt into Dean’s Soul it was so hot, the water was blessed and refreshing.  Castiel was limp against Dean’s dream body.  Castiel pressed his face into the side of Dean’s throat, sighing absentmindedly.  He was almost so blissful. That he didn’t mind Dean’s hand siding inside of him, stroking steadily and intently.   It felt strange to Castiel, The little tendril of Dean’s hot soul sliding in and out was almost unbearable.  Castiel let out a low growl, burrowing his face into Dean’s skin.  He could feel the skin within the bit of Soul, sliding against his own.  It was good, and it was painful.  Castiel heard himself make another odd little sound, his spine arching up and backside push back.  He was a little confused, but not so confused that he wanted to stop.  Dean pried Castiel’s face away up away from his neck, steering him by the chin.  The kiss was soft, but deep.  Dean was good at this.  Castiel practically swooned.  He rested one hand against the hand print he had made while raising Dean’s soul from Perdition.  Dean’s soul leaked out and enveloped him.  Castiel’s entire vessel was glowing at this point.  He let out a little wine into Dean’s mouth.  Castiel felt Dean smile against him as he pulled their bodies flush.  Dean Broke away.

“I think you’re ready…”

Castiel was relaxed and open, even if his length was hard and dripping and aching.  His gaze was tender as his free hand moved to rest against Dean’s chest, to feel his heart beating.  There was nothing more arousing than the life inside of Dean.  Dean stroked a handed up and down his side, burning him with hot soul.  Dean lifted one of Castiel’s legs up and rested it on his hip.  The shift in weight forced Castiel to lean even harder against Dean.  Castiel slung his arms around Dean’s neck, trusting him.  Dean kissed Castiel’s neck and chest.  His hands supported Castiel's hips once more as Dean began to enter his body.  Castiel made a quiet sound in surprise and pain.  Dean’s soul was connected to his now.  The farther Dean’s slick, heard length slid inside, the more their souls touched. Castiel almost felt that the rub of soul against soul was more erotic than the highly pleasant rub of slick skin against skin. No, not almost, it was more erotic.  Dean kissed Castiel all over his face and ran a soothing hand up and down his back.  He trailed little licks kisses down Castiel’s stubbly throat and over his shoulder.  Castiel sighed and moved his head absentmindedly, hoping that Dean would take it as an invitation.  His skills at non-verbal communication were not the best, but he was working on it.  It never seemed to matter with Dean though…

“Shit you’re gorgeous like this, you know that?”

Castiel was very loose and relaxed at this point.  He was even beginning to feel more physical pleasure than pain. Castiel made small, hushed noises as Dean rolled his hips a little.  The sudden brush of their souls was so intense that he was making noises he was not aware he knew how to make.  Dean was smiling, kissing him on the mouth.  Castiel returned the gesture eagerly.  He liked kissing.  He liked kissing Dean.  Dean was going faster now.  His soul burrowed in and began to meld with Castiel’s.  Castiel trembled at the way he and Dean were touching.  His pleasure was on a spiritual level.  It was ecstasy. 

Dean panted against his mouth

“How you doin’ there Cas?”

Castiel just shook for a moment, letting Dean’s soul tease him senseless.  Then, he gave Dean another gentle, shy kiss.

“I like the way you say my name Dean…”

Dean seemed to know that Castiel was about to kiss him again.  He tilted his head just right, letting that timid mouth press against his.  All Castiel could see were freckles and green eyes and he loved them.

“I suppose you wouldn’t mind…  Doing it again…”

Castiel whispered, wondering why he felt so self conscious about it.  Dean pressed his forehead up against Castiel’s, letting the speed increase.

“Cas…”

He breathed.  Castiel’s spine arched and he felt his wings unfurl.  He dig his nails into Dean’s back.  Castiel’s invisible wings flapped franticly as the speed became close to unbearable.

“Dean!”

Two souls were literally one.  There wasn’t anything more intimate and intense.

“Dean!”

Dean was at his throat again, causing the strangest sensation.  Dean’s hips had become erratic. Castiel knew from his eon of observation that this was the ejaculation which, most often, accompanied the male climax.  It was wonderful.  It made him feel limp, sated, and soft.  He sighed.

“Dean…”

The first time Castiel had heard Dean’s voice, it had been the gasp of life returned.  The sound Dean made as he slammed gracelessly inside of Castiel was very similar.  He slowed considerably after that, moaning shamelessly.  Somewhere within the sound, Castiel could hear his own muddled name.  He sighed happily, feeling limp and warm and safe.  Their souls were beginning to break apart.  If Castiel hadn’t been otherwise occupied with his afterglow, he would have noticed that a piece Dean’s soul had stuck his own.  It had stayed inside of Castiel while the rest of Dean’s Soul had withdrawn.  Castiel and Dean kissed lazily for a few moments.  Dean turned off the water and gave Castiel a towel.  He seemed more content than Castiel had seen him in a very long time.

Castiel was seated on the edge of Dean’s bed, watching him sleep.  The events that had transpired had been one of Dean’s dreams.  Castiel had wanted to tell Dean something important, and then he had let Dean’s soul Know his own without thinking twice.  Angels did not take Knowing anyone lightly, which was possibly why he had been so inexperienced up until this point.  How could he say no to Dean?  He had so much faith in Dean.  If there was any living being he would trust with his soul, it was Dean.  Maybe he wasn’t very good at making choices yet, but he didn’t really regret this one.  It had been a dream, so it had only lasted about twenty seconds at most.  Dean opened his green eyes and sat up hurriedly reached for his gun. 

“Hello Dean.  What were you dreaming about?”

Castiel asked mildly, as if he didn’t already know.  The shadow of blush appeared on Dean’s cheeks.

“Damnit Cas!  It creeps me out when you do that!”

“Dean, I thought you should know that there are demons on the outskirts of town.”

Dean became alert instantly, grabbing at his weapons on the headboard.

“Where?  Can you take us?  Have you told Sam?”

Castiel Gazed at Dean with deep blue eyes.

“No, but I will tell him now while you get ready.”

Castiel stood, feeling strange.  His soul was so full.  It was not unpleasant, but he was not used to it.  His vessel was feeling tender and he moved as carefully as he could without being too obvious. 

“I’m ready, let’s go.”

Dean put a hand on Castiel’s back practically leading him out of the room.  Either Castiel couldn’t hide how he was feeling from Dean, or Dean just knew.  Dean powered through the abandoned house bellowing at the top of his lungs.

“Sammy!  Cas says there are demons in town!  Let’s move!”

Sam’s giant form jogged into view with all of his weapons ready.  Castiel pressed a finger to each of their foreheads without warning.  Warning them always took too much time and effort and then there were Dean’s complaints about constipation.  It was just easier to take flight.  At least it would have been easier if he weren’t feeling quite so queasy at the moment. 

            Dean hated flying with Cas.  It did something to his internal organs.  It must do something to Cas’s internal organs too.  At least this time it did judging from the particularly nasty shade of pale green he had turn upon landing.  Dean wanted to check on him, but Cas had landed right in the middle of a pack of demons because he was smart like that.  Dean and Sam were ready, weapons drawn, when Cas made a particularly nasty retching sound.  For a moment, Dean thought that he had gone blind, but then he saw the waves of light and heard the sonic boom.  All of the Demons who were touched by the light were forced out of their meat suits and sent back to hell.  Dean blinked, ears still ringing.  He turned to look at Sam, who looked just as dumfounded as he felt.  Then his eyes turned to Cas, who was hunched over, hands on his knees.  He wore a squinty eyed look that only Cas could pull off. 

“That was unpleasant.”

Cas muttered matter-of-factly.

“That was you?!”

Dean blurted out.  Cas turned his gaze to Dean.  Sapphire eyes making him squirm.

“Apparently.”

Cas dabbed at his mouth with the corner of his ratty old overcoat.  Sam made eye contact with Dean over Cas’s hunched body.

“I think we just witnessed an angel… barfing…”

“I want to go back to the house.”

Cas demanded loudly.  Dean could sense a dangerous mood.

“Okay Cas okay…” 

Dean almost chuckled.

            The Winchesters were met by another retching sound upon landing in their abandoned house.

“I do not like vomiting…”

Cas stated as he dabbed at his mouth again.  Dean couldn’t help but laugh fondly. 

“Not a lot of people do Cas.  Here, this is something humans do when we’re feeling shitty.”

Dean lead Cas to the linen closet and fetched him the cleanest towel.  Then he led him into the bathroom.

“You ever brush your teeth before.”

“It was unnecessary.”

Castiel blinked, but followed Dean with a trusting demeanor.

“Well it’ll help.”

Dean nodded in agreement with himself.  He fished around to see if the people who lived here before had kept those toothbrushes the dentist gives you as backup.  They had a whole drawer.

“What color do you want?”

“Does it matter?”

Dean tried not to roll his eyes.

“Here, just take the blue one.”

Castiel held it in front of his face, inspecting it with narrowed eyes.  Dean wanted to laugh again, but thought better of it.

Dean ended up showing Cas how to brush his teeth by example.  Cas seemed to learn better that way anyway.  Once Sam peeked in and erupted into silent giggles only to be presented with Dean’s middle finger.  Cas was so focused on brushing his teeth correctly that he didn’t even notice.

“Feel better?”

Dean asked Cas, dawning his Winchester smile for some weird reason.

“That doesn’t taste as vile.”

Cas was squinting at the toothbrush again.  Dean couldn’t stop smiling for some weird reason.

“Kay so another thing humans do when they feel like crap is taking a shower.  It gets you feeling all clean and smelling good.  Basically, it’s awesome.”

Cas’s eyes sparkled for a fraction of a second.  Dean showed Cas where the shampoo and soap was and told him what to do with it.  Then he handed Cas the towel and hurried out.

            Castiel turned the tap to warm as was the custom. He removed his overcoat, suit jacket, tie, belt, shoes, socks, pants, and dress shirt.  He hadn’t noticed before, but Jimmy Novak had put on a lot of clothes that day that Castiel had taken him as a vessel.  Castiel still felt raw.  His reflection in the mirror showed him pink and red burn marks down his torso over his sides and on the inside of his legs.  He could heal those easily, but the hand shaped burn marks on his hips were there to stay.  Dean had marked his soul.  Castiel was glad they were permanent.  If anything, he and Dean now had matching marks, which symbolized oneness.  Something akin to the human wedding ring, only it was more subtle.  Castiel almost wished Dean knew that they had really Known each other inside of his dream.  It had been more than a dream.  For all Castiel knew, Dean thought that it had been a “wet dream” or didn’t remember the dream at all.  Castiel’s soul was heavy and full as he stepped into the shower.  The hot shower reminded him of Dean…

            Dean leaned back in his chair, boot clad feet propped up on the table where Sam was typing and clicking away at his laptop. 

“Hay Dean?”

Dean took another swig of beer.

“Yeah?”

Dean noted that Beer tasted shitty with toothpaste.

“What’s up with Cas?”

“Hell if I know.”

Dean snorted humorlessly into his beer.

“I’m serious Dean.  Since when do angels just puke like that?  How much time do you spend around them?  I bet you hadn’t seen anything like that until today!”

Dean shook his head and stared at the water damaged ceiling.  He wanted to believe Cas was fine, but Sam was right.

“I’m guessing you’re already being my nerdy sidekick and researching this shit?”

“As we speak Dean, as we speak.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Dean drained his beer can and lobbed it to the trash can across the room.

“Oh yeah!” 

Dean fist bumped the air.

“Dean, come look at this.”

Sam, who didn’t even notice Dean’s little victory celebration, waved his brother over.

“There is a kind of Angel Immune Disorder where, if they stay in their human vessel for too long.  The human immune system attacks their Grace.  The Grace is strong, but after a while, angels start to show symptoms, break down you might say.”

Dean frowned.  Sam’s eyes were wide and worried.

“I’ll call Bobby, see if he has something in that library of lore that could help us-“

Sam broke off as footsteps echoed down the hall.  Cas entered looking clean and content.  The corner of his mouth had twitched upward and his eyes were soft.  He settled down on the couch.

“Hello Dean…”

Cas leaned back and closed his eyes.

“Hello Sam…”

His skin was a healthy shade of pink.  Dean and swore that Cas glowed faintly

“How you doin’ there Cas?”

Dean’s voice came out a little more low and hoarse than he had meant it to.

“I feel much better…  Showers are… pleasant.”

Cas’s voice was quiet and Dean could barely hear it over Sam’s typing. 

“Sam, that bottle labeled “conditioner,” I used some. I hope that’s alright.”

Sam nodded without looking up.

“It’s cool.”

Sam muttered.

“I’ll be right back.”

Sam squeezed Dean’s shoulder and pointed and a little window on his laptop screen. It read ‘calling Bobby, sent out some emails to other hunters.’ Dean sighed and placed his feet on the ground.  The scar where Cas had burned him was tingling, but he was always in some kind of pain so he ignored it.  Dean Plopped down on the other end of the couch.  He wanted to see if he could make the TV work.  As he clicked to try to find a station that wasn’t just gray fog and white noise.  Hopefully there would be some reruns of Dr. Sexy MD on that were somewhat coherent. A warm weight against his thigh made him jump a little.

“Uh… Cas?”

“Mm?”

Cas’s eyes were closed and he looked at peace for once.  His hair was dry in spite of the shower, probably due to some angel mojo or other.

“You’re on my leg…”

“Yes…  Is that wrong?”

Dean thought hard on that.  It was odd, sure, but not wrong.

“Nah Cas. It’s fine.”

Cas’s hand print was warm as Dean rested his free hand atop Cas’s head.  His untidy hair was surprisingly soft under Dean’s fingers.  He didn’t even realize that he was playing with it, running his fingers through it, stroking a thumb over Cas’s forehead and temple as he channel surfed.  Dean was comfortable, stroking Cas’s soft hair and listening to him breathe.  Dean ended up muting the TV in order to hear it. It took Cas’s quiet snores for Dean to comprehend that he was asleep.  Cas was an Angel and should not have to sleep.  This worried Dean but…  Cas looked so blissful and precious.  Dean couldn’t bring himself to wake him.   His petit little body fit on the couch like a hand in a glove.  Dean hoped that Cas would be okay.  Sure, he was acting strange now, and luck never seemed to go their way, but he wanted Cas to be all right.  Sam’s voice floated in from the attached kitchen.

“Hey Dean?”

Dean looked up, forgetting that he was petting Cas’s head all together.

“Bobby is on it but he says we should take Cas to his place.  It’ll help him figure this out more quickly.”

“How long do you think it’ll take us to drive to Bobby’s?”

Dean’s shoulders slumped in relief.  Cas would be safer with him and Bobby had the finest arsenal of knowledge and research material out there.  It wasn’t as if they could take Cas to some angel friendly doctor.  He wasn’t even sure there was such a thing.

“couple of days.”

Sam shot the two of them an amused smile.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that you two were cuddling in front of the TV.”

“Well you know better, don’t you Sammy?”

Dean snapped, keeping his volume low so as not to wake Cas.

“I don’t know Dean…”

Sam wiggled his eye brows, earning himself a flying remote in the face.

            “Okay Cas…”

Dean made eye contact with the Angel in the rear view mirror of his Baby, the ‘67 Chevy Impala.  Cas had started vomiting pure liquid light after the way he had eaten most of the contents of the refrigerator before Dean had caught him and made him stop.

“You start feeling queasy, you let me know and I’ll pull over asap.  I know it isn’t your fault or anything, but I don’t want that shit staining my poor Baby.”

Cas nodded, already looking a bit pale.  Dean slid Baby into Drive and they were on they were on their way to Bobby’s.  They briefly turned his radio to the news.  Miracles had been popping up all over the state.  Not just you’re run of the mill good fortune either. One man had gotten up from his table at the morgue and walked out.  He had grabbed a robe, thanked the morticians, and left.  A woman, who was supposed to deliver a still born, gave live birth to a healthy child.  Two cancer patients signed themselves out of the hospital because the tumors were just gone.  Everyone on the state’s donor list removed themselves because they no longer needed a healthy organ.  Their organ seemed to have healed over night.  Crops that had died from being too close to demons had sprung to life, yielding unexpected harvests. There had been sightings of black smoke, but it was all fleeing, or going into the ground. The preachers were claiming it was the work of God.  Others thought it was good luck or fait.

“Hey Cas,”

Sam addressed the Angel in the back seat.

“Do you think the Angels could be doing this?”

“I would tell you if I knew anything Sam.  Dean, I need you to pull over please.”

Dean barely made it on time.  The Impala hadn’t quite stopped when Cas propelled himself out, hacking up that liquid light.  It was a pathetic sight really.  Cas on all fours, Angel sick dripping from his lips.  Dean noticed something strange and beautiful.  A plant had begun to sprout from the light and was growing at an alarming rate.  It was just like watching one of those nature shows with the time lapse pictures, but real.  Cas squinted and tilted his head at the daisy, as if asking it what had just happened.

            After a couple of days of stopping in every other town because Cas just had to have another bacon cheese burger with curly fries and a milkshake (he kept drinking his AND half of Deans damn it), the three arrived in Bobby’s yard.  If there was one thing the apocalypse didn’t change, it was the way Bobby kept the place.

“Bobby!”

The brothers bellowed, slapping Bobby in the back in a very manly hug.  Castiel stood back, his mouth was full of bacon cheese burger as was his right hand.  His left was full of cookies and cream milk shake.  His blue eyes were attentive as he chewed slowly.  His mouth was over full and he had to be careful.  Bobby nodded at the angel and grunted.  Cas just saluted him with his milkshake, mouth busy with chewing. 

            Sam debriefed Bobby on what was going on with the Angel.  Dean and Cas were busy picking out rooms and unloading the impala.  Cas was mostly eating, but Dean didn’t seem to mind.

“You’re perching Cas!  Thought you said you weren’t gonna do that!”

Sam heard Dean bellowing, good humoredly at the Angel who was not really helping much.   He was carrying one bag and slurping his milkshake as he followed Dean dutifully.  Sam turned back to Bobby.  Bobby raised his eyebrows. 

“Those two idjits get married while you were away?”

Bobby joked half heatedly.  Sam smiled and rolled his eyes.  His brother and the Angel were certainly comfortable together.  Dean even let Cas steal a couple of bites of his pie at their lunch diner stop, his pie.

“Okay Bobby,”

 Sam thought it best to switch topics.

“You find anything?”

Bobby turned his back on Sam and waved his hand.

“C’mere.”

Books on angel lore were stacked on the table as high as Bobby could reach and there were at least ten tabs open on his laptop.

“You boys are gonna have to help me look through all of this crap if you want a quick solution to yer problem.  Beer?”

Bobby tossed the bottle to Sam without waiting for an answer.

“Your collection on Angels has gotten bigger Bobby.”

Sam commented as he opened his beer and picked the nearest book.

“Yeah, Well I figured I’d need it with the apocalypse an’ all.  Lucifer is an Angel you know.”

“Cool, hey quick thing Bobby, you might have to hide your food.  Cas has gone a bit… Rabid...”

Bobby nodded and they started they’re beer soaked research session.  About an hour and a half in, Bobby and Sam heard a crashing upstairs and Dean bellowing.

            Castiel sat in the middle of the hallway, a little dazed and a lot dizzy.  His shoulders ached badly

“Cas?!”

Dean knelted next to him.  There was a hand at his upper back and he gasped.

“You okay?”

There was blood dripping down his spine and staining Jimmy’s old clothes.  “I…”

There was a pause.  Dean shook him a little.

“Think so…”

Castiel’s newly corporeal wings were covered in blood.  They were 15 feet long and it had managed to knock down an entire wall of framed pictures.  Castiel healed himself and slowly stands, flexing his wings.

“Hey!”

Castiel could hear Sam running up the stairs.

“What’s wrong- Oh shit!”

Sam swore as his eyes fell on the fifteen foot feathered appendages.

“Have those always been there?”

“Sure Sammy, they’re just so tiny we just missed them.”

Dean barked sarcastically, standing very closely behind Castiel.

“It’s ok Dean.”

Castiel made steady eye contact with Sam.

“Yes, but they have only been spiritual echoes of the wings I have in heaven.  Before now I could will them to become visible to the human eye.  I suppose they look something like shadows or smoke.  I showed Dean upon our first meeting in this vessel.”

Castiel tucked his wings close behind his back.

“It was easier to manage them when they weren’t corporeal.”

Dean placed a large warm hand on Castiel’s back, in-between his new wings.  Castiel’s over coat was sticky with cooling blood.

“Ah boo-hoo Cas, you never know. This could actually turn out awesome.”

He lead the way down the stairs.   Bobby had been arming the place with salt and grabbing his various guns and knives. “What the hell happened?”

Bobby spun around, gun loaded, and safety off.

“Cas grew actual, real wings.”

Sam shrugged and picked up another beer.

“Idjits…”

Bobby sighed heavily and clicked the safety back on. 

“They’re actually pretty awesome…”

Dean shrugged and went to grab his beer, but it was gone.  It appeared that Castiel had snatched it up and drained the last of its contents.  Dean rolled his eyes, fighting a smile and reaching for another one.  Cas liked beer and it wasn’t as if he had any manners when it came to food or personal space or personal property.  Plus, it was kind of endearing in a weird way.  Cas belched loudly and muttered the words “oh my.”  Dean snorted into his beer before taking a gulp.

“Awesome…”

He muttered again.

            Sam hid in Bobby’s basement that afternoon.

“Hey Chuck, this is Sam Winchester… We uh, we have a bit of a situation here and we were hoping you might know something…”

Sam glanced up the stairs.

“Chuck…  Please call us back… Bye”

Sam left a voice mail and promptly hung up on the prophet.  If Chuck had seen something concerning Cas, Dean-that is to say, they would need to know about it.

            “Do you have lemon meringue pie? “

Dean almost jumped. 

“No son, I don’t have no lemon meringue pie.”

Castiel’s eyes gleamed as he stared sadly at Bobby.

“That’s too bad…”

Cas stared at the ceiling, pensive.  It seemed to Dean, as if Cas was picturing the flakey crust covered in yellow gew and egg white fluff.  That actually sounded pretty good.

“I’ve been thinking about it all evening…”

Cas was actually seeing the damn pie in his mind.  His eyes were squinted and he kept tilting his head from side to side.

“Cummon.  We’ll go to the diner.  I want pie anyway.”

Dean took Cas by the upper arm and lead him out.  Cas just stared up at Dean with pure adoration.

“Bye guys!”

Dean bellowed.

“I’ll put this one into a food coma!”

Bobby and Sam sat for a couple of hours, researching and drinking.  The two of them jumped as someone banged on the door.

“Hey, Bobby, Sam!  Its Dean, open up!”

Sam got the door.  Dean appeared to be in a good mood.

“Dude, Cas ate like four pies!  It was awesome!”

Dean bellowed, not that he needed to. 

“Not four Dean, three and a half.  You had a half of a pie by the end of the night.  I must say that I understand your affinity for pie.  It is quite pleasant.  Now if you will excuse me, I must vomit.”

Castiel turned his back and he was gone.  Bobby and Sam heard a poof like a small explosion and a muffled “Sorry!”  There was a pause and then an: “I’ll fix it!”

Dean leaned back and practically roared with laughter.

“Dude, he just exploded your porcelain throne Bobby!”

Dean snorted and whipped his nose on his jacket sleeve.

“Oh crap!  Did it in the diner too!  Had to pull some mojo and wipe the waitress’s memory!  Awesome!  Aw jeez!”

Dean grabbed a beer and flopped down on Bobby’s couch.

“You guys find anything?”

Dean flashed a charming Winchester smile. 

            Castiel had fixed and cleaned Bobby’s hall bathroom.  He had actually done a little extra tidying.  He was tired, spiritually drained, but he had an internal itch, a tug.  After a blurred period time, Castiel found himself nestled in Dean’s bed among piles of caftans and pillows.

“Hello Castiel.”

Castiel turned, unsurprised.  He had felt her presence for a couple of seconds.

“Hello Anna.”

He turned to meet her gaze.  Anna was looking him up and down, scrutinizing him.

“I see your vessel’s soul is gone.”

Anna mentioned conversationally.  She tilted her head, raising her eye brows.

“Jimmy has not been inside of this vessel for approximately three days.”

Castiel squinted and tilted his untidy head.

“What brings you here Anna?”

“I’m proud of you.”

Castiel did not know what she was talking about.

“You’ve begun to make your own choices.”

Castiel blinked at her.

“Speak plainly Sister.”

Castiel uttered in gravel tones, annoyed.  Anna stood there, staring at him.

“You don’t know?  Castiel, The miracles, Jimmy, you’re wings for crying out loud…”

Castiel blinked.

“The child, Castiel…”

Anna sighed lightly and reached out touching Castiel on the forehead.

Castiel recognized this as Dean’s dream.  He sighed happily, feeling limp and warm.  Their souls were beginning to break apart.  A piece Dean’s soul had pushed its way inside his own after he had brought Dean to orgasm.  It had stayed inside of Castiel’s soul while the rest of Dean’s Soul had withdrawn. It rested against Castiel’s soul for a moment.  If he had been paying attention, he would have felt a little piece of his own gently detach from the rest and attach to that fragment of Dean’s.  The two had conjoined and were beginning to flourish slowly.

            Castiel stared up at Anna for a moment.

“What was that?”

Castiel’s eyes shone with wetness.

“Conception.”

Anna finally smiled a little.

“Am I to take it that nobody explained it to you?”

She asked the younger angel.  She sounded slightly less severe.

“That is how you are to take it, yes.”

Castiel’s eyes shift nervously.  Anna explained how angels know one another via soul blending.  She explained in detail how two fragments brake off to form their own entity and how an angel must nurture this new entity with their Grace.  She explained to him how he must be careful with his powers because the child requires his Grace.  He will exhaust resources more quickly and the child will begin to leach off of his true form if it becomes desperate (there have been one or two cases).   She informed him that he was becoming more corporeal because his vessel was preparing for the coming years.  Most of the changes will happen in the first couple of months though, so he shouldn’t worry.  Angels take a year and a half to two years to be born depending on the spiritual climate.  She informed him that he needed to be extra vigilant.  An angel who was expecting a child sent out waves of good energy for miles upon miles.  Miracles would be occurring wherever he went.  Other angels and other entities would not be far behind her.  Apparently, ‘Angel Radio’ was abuzz concerning these miracles in the middle of the apocalypse.  Anna said that the higher ups suspected something like this, so she had flown down to check on him before they could.

“Why can’t I hear them?” Castiel’s eyes were blue slits.

“I imagine it was easy for them to cut off the angels on earth when they suspected something.”

Castiel looked put out, like a teenager who hadn’t been sure how she got pregnant.

“Anna…”

Castiel stared at her for a long moment.

“I’ve never even heard of anyone giving birth.”

He paused again. “I thought our father just created us.”

Then came the question he was bound to ask.

“Was I last to be bored?  Has nobody else conceived since then?

Anna gave him a very small smile.

“Yes Castiel.  You were the last angel to be born.”

“Why?”

Castiel’s eyes were wide again.

“Why didn’t anyone explain this to me?”

Anna looked disappointed.  In that moment, she looked like Anna Milton, not an Angel of the Lord.

“Because its heaven Cas…  You were so like a human and they were scared, so the higher up hid certain things from you, like reproduction, so that you would do as you were told.  At least that is what I gather.”

Her eyes were shining this time.

“Why do you think I fell voluntarily Cas?”

She took a deep breath and touched his forehead.

“Here”

She whispered.

“It’s an old tradition for angels to give the unborn and the host parent of our kind a blessing.”

Castiel could feel just a hint of Anna’s powerful Grace flow into his vessel.

“I bless you, Castiel, and your child, that you will grow up without fear.”

“Oh hey you kids started the baby shower without me!  Are we doing gifts!  Stopped in Japan and got you something Kiddo!  Hope you like!  Blessed it myself!”

The only warning Anna and Castiel had before Gabriel began to bellow was the flap of his copper wings.  He lobbed a tiny bag at Castiel, but Anna caught it and inspected the contents.

“It’s safe.”

Gabriel didn’t seem put off.

“OoPpEeNn IiTt!”

He demanded, sounding like a kindergartener at a birthday party, not an archangel giving a blessing.  Castiel squinted at Gabriel before lifting a small charm from the bag.

“It’s a safe birth charm.”

  Gabriel nodded, impressed with himself.

“You do know that I am able to read Japanese Gabriel?”

Castiel questioned squinting at the characters.

“Yeah Prego I do, but this one is blessed by an archangel so it’ll actually work.  I’d watch your attitude if I were you.  It’s a nice gift; I might just take it back if you don’t like it.”

In that moment, Gabriel’s bitch face could have rivaled Sam’s.

“I like it very much.”

Castiel stated flatly.  His fist closed around it, daring Gabriel to try and take it away.

“Don’t worry Juno, I’m not gonna take it from you.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes, almost fondly.  The three angels heard someone stomping upstairs and Dean’s gruff voice bellowing down the hall.

“Hey Cas, you just kinda disappeared!  What’s goin - oh shit!

Dean stopped at the door, leaning against the doorframe.

“Why is my room full of Angels!?  Cas, what the Hell did you do to my bed?!  Wait, why’re you even on my bed?!”

Dean pinched his pouting lips together and furrowed his brow, clearly not happy with the state of his bedroom.  Castiel stared at him with that look.  It was a look that Castiel saved especially for Dean; a sparkly, wide eyed, adoring and reverent, gaze that always made Dean look away.  Castiel wished he wouldn’t.  He liked looking into those bottle green eyes.

“Look who finally decided to show up.”

Gabriel chirped cheerfully.  Anna’s eyes darted from Castiel, to Dean, and back so quickly, that only the other angels could catch her in the act. 

“Yeah, I saw it too.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows and they exchanged a meaningful glance.

“Could you two share with the class?!”

Castiel had known, but his suspicions had been confirmed.  Anna had recognized the fragment of soul inside of him in relation to the one burning in the human standing before her.  It made sense really.  That was why his insides burned so much.

“Noooo Dean-o!”

Gabriel was positively beaming.

“It’s way more fun this way.”

“Screw you Gabe! Cas, what’s going on?”

Anna gave Castiel a look.

“You should tell him Cas.  He should know.”

“I should know what?!”

Castiel’s wings shifted uncomfortably and he clutched at a pillow that did not belong in Dean’s room.  Anna rolled her eyes just a little.

“Castiel is going to have a baby.”

Dean smirked and raised an eyebrow at the blue eyed angel.

“So that must mean you got your V-card taken away.  Nice going. Who is the lucky lady? Do angels not believe in condoms or something?”

There was something forces and fake about the elder Winchester’s grin.  He pulled off the snide jokes for the most part, but he couldn’t fool the angels.  Lucky for him, they didn’t pursue it.  Dean did not see Anna and Gabriel staring at him in a way that only angels can.  The look had been specially picked to communicate the question; ‘are you stupid?’

“… No Dean…  According to Anna, I am the one who has conceived.”

Dean blinked

“You’re a dude.”

Dean stated flatly.

“Angels are genderless Dean…  We are not based on biology but on spirituality…”

Castiel sounded a little offended.

“I am neither ‘male’ nor ‘female.’  I am an angel.”

Dean held his hands in front of his chest in surrender and slight amusement.

“According to Anna, Knowledge of the soul may result in conception.”

Dean sighed heavily.

“Awesome…”

He mumbled.

“I’m gonna go tell Sam and Bobby you guys are here so they don’t burst in, guns-a-blazing.”

And Dean is gone. As soon as they can no longer hear Dean’s footsteps, Gabriel let out a strange sound, not unlike a giggle.

“Ooh, Juno, Dean-o likes you!”

Anna nodded. 

“Yes, well I should hope that he does.”

She sighed, crossing her arms.

“You be careful Cas.”

 Anna’s eyes burned into his soul.

“There are plenty of things who will want to hurt the two of you.”

Gabriel smiled, but wrinkled his nose.

“Yah, if somebody manages to pin you down and slit you open with one of these…”

Castiel felt sick, but that was nothing new.  Perhaps he should not have eaten three and a half pies.  Perhaps, but he liked pie…

“I must leave you now.”

Anna brought Castiel back to the present.

“Farewell sister.  Thank you for the blessing.”

“I will see you soon Castiel.”

A faint smile ghosted across her face.

“Should you require assistance and if I am able to fly down here without attracting suspicion.”

Gabriel batted his eyelashes.

“Well mischief managed!  See you when I see you!”

The two angels flew off, disappearing into thin air.  The rustle of their wings was a welcome familiarity.  Castiel was tired he just wanted to curl up in the soft pile that smelled distinctly of Dean and sleep for about two days, but the humans down stairs were waiting for him…  He used his raven wings to push himself up onto his feet.  He must have used his powers one too many times this evening because Dean’s room swam out of focus for a fraction of a second.

“I’m sorry…”

Castiel found himself muttering hoarsely into the air.

“I’ll be more careful…”

            Bobby and Sam exchanged knowing looks as Dean recounted the events of upstairs.

“Too frickin strange dude…”

Dean groused after a pause.

“Like Junior, but with a scrawny Angel instead of Arnold.  I didn’t even like that movie.”

Dean was pacing, agitated, maybe a little more than Sam thought he ought to be.  Then Cas walked in.

“You look like shit.”

Dean mentioned, almost in passing as the angel took a seat next to Sam on the couch.  Dean’s brow wrinkled and his jaw tightened.  In truth, Cas did look did look pretty bad.  He was pale and there were gray circles under his eyes.  His blue eyes were large and blinked slowly and repeatedly.

“That is an apt description of my physical state.”

Sam had seen Cas look at Dean like that many times before, but this time, he thought he might know what it meant.  He was so making Dean a mix tape full of ‘douche’ pop songs.  It was so worth the noogies and the emasculating names with which Dean would berate him.  Cas may as well have said ‘I love you Dean’ over and over in front of God and everyone.  Well, he kinda had, just with those eyes of his.  Why hadn’t he seen it before?  How come Dean couldn’t see it?  Whatever.  Sam would hit him with a cassette later. Sam stood with an awkward grunt.  He rolled his shoulders, feeling stiff as he stretched his long limbs to the sky.

“I’ll take the first shift… Cas, seriously dude, get some sleep.  You really look like you need it.”

The angel’s intense gaze turned to the younger Winchester and he nodded once.

“Hey Sammy, hold up, I’ll come with you while you scout.”

Dean hadn’t put his rifle down.  He was ready.  Sam had no argument.

I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 10. It was caused by the abuse that I suffered from my father. I have had therapy and I had learned how to cope most of the time. I had gone from having anxiety attacks every day to only have one or two a month. I was really proud of my self for how far I had come. That was until the past few weeks. 

I have a teacher who is manipulative. He finds what his students are insecure about and he manipulates that until you feel stupid, crazy and small. This is extremely triggering for me because it is the same behaviour that my father used to convince me what he did not me was normal and that I couldn't tell anyone because they would blame me not him. I have 4 anxiety attacks in the last week. All in this teachers class. I have cried everyday and I feel just as powerless and afraid as I did when I was little. I have gone right back to where I started and it has made me question if i can keep going with everything. How can i succeed in life when I can't deal with nasty teachers. How am I going to be able to succeed in university?