I don't want to win

I've learnt to lose

Wicked words mean more

Than sugar soaked kindness

I think I'm stronger on my own

My stupidity, my ego

It's just the fear of being left alone

That haunts me

But are we ever really alone?

My Father could kick me out

My Mother abandon me

But God - he's there every step of the way. If you knew someone loved you despite everything -

Would you ever let go?

Discovering God, was like discovering Ali Baba's treasure

Emerald's, sapphires, rubies set in gold

Exactly a week ago today I thought my life was going to end - academically speaking of course.

My assignments were piling up to the rafters, and the mere idea I could get them done seemed like something out of Netflix's Stranger Things - fantastical and unrealistic (hopefully).

But here we are; here I am - every assignment finished and submitted by the due date, pressing new evidence that miracles actually occur. To now sitting on my bed figuring out what to do with the remaining four months of holidays I have left.

Time is so slippery, it's probably the most misunderstood concept to me personally. I really think the only time we all actually process the concept of time - is when we're working. When I watch that clock tick minute, to minute then to hours on end is the only time I realise how precious my time on earth really is. I also realise that work - sure they pay me for my customer-skills but the, more importantly, they pay me for my time.

Think about that for a second, the only real difference between yourself and a Tattslotto millionaire is that they have the time to do what they like, they can choose to resign or stay on. They have both - money and time.

Anyhow, I'm going off topic - I just hope these holidays bring more good than anything else.

To all of you still slogging for your exams, hats off to your undying effort - I respect your determination, on the bright side, you only have a bit more to go.

Disclaimer: this post has nothing to do with eyebrows

I haven’t posted in a while, I think It’s expected now anyway- Y'all know I’m a slacker for this blog. But for real, my university has been sucker-punching me in every direction, this entire week has been a procrastination marathon. With a multitude of assignments due in a week from now and exams - SWOTVAC right around the corner, you shouldn’t even be reading this, to be honest - I shouldn’t be writing this right now either.

But sometimes priorities change and a simple task of venting/reading can unclog all that gunk from our minds, fingers crossed for this writer's block I’m going through at the moment too.

I've been thinking a lot recently, mainly about how nearly twenty-one years of my life has just flown by without me realising. I keep wondering about what I've achieved so far and more importantly what my future holds for me. As a student, sure I go to uni three days a week, work twice a week without the slightest hesitation - but when do I give myself time to reflect on where I'm at right now?

I don't think most of us do. Activities like yoga or meditation help us reach that reflective state, and I desperately want to reach to experience that peace of mind.

I think I'm at a stage where I know I don't need the things I used to think I did. New clothes, shoes, jewellery - they're not as visually appetising as they used to be. Before my *stuff* held such an important place in my life, I really can't believe I was that blindsided in the past. But I guess that's what growth is all about, I thought wearing pigtails to school in the sixth grade was cute - now I know better.

When I'm going through a tough day, or encounter a hardship that seems impossible to conquer - I ask myself ’How do I define myself?'

This question isn't easy to answer at first, sure my hobbies and likes form a part of me.

However, there's more than just that; I am the daughter of my parents, a sister to my friends and more than anything I have a legacy to live out.

None of this just applies to just me obviously, every single one of you is critical for a better future. You are more than you can ever initially think. It only makes sense you are here for something great too. Spend your time wisely, and be the best person you can be for today.

The wheel turns, nothing is ever new

The promise of love the pain of loss and the joy of redemption

There’s something so beautiful in the perception of the perfect.

Unflawed, unmatched being the impossible excites, adds flavour to our bland daily

But perfection isn’t real The unflawed is the unattainable Counting those imperfections It’s okay.

It’s okay to feel the way you do

Embrace yourself because in the end You are all you really Truly, have.

During times like these All I wish for Is to melt into my novels Drip like syrup Into each word

I’ve decided To construct my own heaven My library, a garden

A studio Lined with Elvis posters Stacked with records Vinyl, 80’s spirit

The past, the present We belong to the words we say together.

We belong to the light We belong to the thunder.

Let us read Together.

Let’s Melt Together.

After all this time, I’ve begun to wonder if it’s worth all the stress - thinking, writing, pursuing.

I know that’s probably my sick-self weighing me down - but today I feel defeated.

Maybe I’m doing too much at one time. I’ve quit feeling alone, since it’s just my own self-importance

telling me, no one else feels the same.

But at the same time I feel wound up, like I’m about to cop maximum impact from a grand piano

Falling from the sky.

Or from a hail stone, the size of a truck colliding with my skull.

It’s days like these, that make certain in my life, I could never be a Philosopher.

All that thinking? no thanks. As a person entering her 20’s I have enough to think about

A future to daydream. Dreams to comb through. Books to read. Places to fantasise of.