I’ve mourned the loss of you more times than I care to remember. Each time the feeling lingers a little longer, and a little stronger.
I stare into the stillness of the morning sky as the sun rises, for just a moment I feel like I’m looking into your eyes one more time. Icy but not cold, framed by the contrast in the strands of your hair. For a moment I’m not quite sure if I’m looking at the sunrise or you. But as the chill breeze of the remnants of winter crosses my arms, I know it is not your warmth that I see.
I confess my love to open air, convinced nobody can hear, nor cares. The universe grabs hold of the silent confession, cruelly entwining me to you. To spend my days begging at your feet for a scrap of something familiar. I ask for an inch when I want a mile, but all you can give me is a half there smile.
The choice was never mine, to fall or walk away. But fall I did, with almost no delay. Like a lighthouse run on oil, I was lit from the day I really looked at you, heard you. But there’s nothing on the horizon for me to guide but the glimpse of a sunrise that has outrun my light.
To say you’re beautiful is not a lie, but it’s only a half truth when I think of you. Twin flame? The flame you step out like nothing more than an inconvenient spot fire. Only to come back again when you need a thrill and reignite the spark with a gentle blow like nothing has changed.
Like a somber background song dancing sadly along the piano keys of life. To look at you is wanting to say my love, but instead giving in and saying nothing. To watch you love another will surely be the end of me. Your affection in between enough to let me cling to something, lost…staring at the sky in confusion.
I beg you not to kiss me, I tell you how much I will hurt in the morning when I know you’re with him. You kiss me anyway. The taste intoxicating, the sound addictive, the feeling…indescribable. As I predicted, you wake with him, and I wake with the memory of your voice like a hymn.
-MM
